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Old 23rd May 2012, 10:18 AM   #1
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Default Lavender Marriage?

I don't mean to be the one always starting controversial topics but a friend and I were talking about Rock Hudson and the topic came up. What does everyone think of lavender marriages/relationships? Would you ever enter one? If so, what would be the rules?

Here's a definition
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A lavender marriage is a type of male-female marriage of convenience in which the couple are not both heterosexual and conceal the homosexual or bisexual orientation of one or both spouses
For the purposes of this thread lets say that there are no heterosexuals involved. So you aren't marrying a heterosexual and convincing them that you're in love. You would be with another non heterosexual person and hiding both of your sexualities from the world
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Old 23rd May 2012, 10:44 AM   #2
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

Why bother going through that when you can just have a regular marriage in this day and age?

Even if you agree to go about your own lives, you still have to worry about hiding what you're doing and all this other stupid bullshit that marrying a straight wouldn't solve.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 12:24 PM   #3
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I think they are a necessary evil, some people need to hide, especially in other countries. If there is no point to it, I don't see why there should be one, but in the end it's a personal decision.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 12:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I would never do it.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 12:52 PM   #5
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

At least in the US, the UK and many other advanced countries, this isn't a necessity anymore. Maybe back when being gay could ruin your career yeah, but not now.

Honestly, love who you love. Marry/Civil-Union/Date them. Hopefully it'll be legal and accepted worldwide eventually, whether it be in a hundred years or a thousand.

In my opinion, I find it dumb that even though love and companionship has existed in all forms since the dawn of time, some members of a new race that have been around for a measly 2.5 million years have declared one type wrong and another right.

Not trying to dismiss human achievement. I'm just saying from the point of the grand scheme of things.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 01:22 PM   #6
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

Only if we loved each other...
Otherwise, no, since gay marriage is legal in Canada and I have every intention of getting married.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 05:01 PM   #7
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I only know one couple in a lavender marriage. They're both bisexual and it's an open relationship. They truly love each other and are sexually attracted to one another, but they both recognize each other's need to be with the same sex from time to time.

However, I wouldn't do it. I can't even get it up for a girl, let alone be in a heteronormative relationship
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Old 23rd May 2012, 05:39 PM   #8
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

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Originally Posted by brocub View Post
I only know one couple in a lavender marriage. They're both bisexual and it's an open relationship. They truly love each other and are sexually attracted to one another, but they both recognize each other's need to be with the same sex from time to time.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 09:23 PM   #9
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I don't think it's an "evil," and people who think it is need to remember that we don't have a moral obligation to be out. We have a moral obligation to be out if we feel safe.

I have no desire to hear about how it's "hiding" or people trying to avail themselves of heterosexual privilege.

All I think is that it underscore the need either for marriage equality or for the state to end all privileges that attach to marriage.


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Originally Posted by brocub View Post
I only know one couple in a lavender marriage. They're both bisexual and it's an open relationship. They truly love each other and are sexually attracted to one another, but they both recognize each other's need to be with the same sex from time to time.

However, I wouldn't do it. I can't even get it up for a girl, let alone be in a heteronormative relationship
I want a relationship like that so bad.
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Old 23rd May 2012, 11:42 PM   #10
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I would do it only if I were in an openly anti gay country. As is, no way
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Old 24th May 2012, 06:52 AM   #11
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pret Allez View Post
I don't think it's an "evil," and people who think it is need to remember that we don't have a moral obligation to be out. We have a moral obligation to be out if we feel safe.
Not even. Coming out is a personal benefit exclusively.

I personally stand to lose a lot of money coming out to certain people, but I wouldn't say my safety would be in jeopardy.
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Old 30th Jan 2014, 03:24 AM   #12
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

Indeed the trouble with Lavender Marriages is that it is fine for the folk who do it, but the side effects on subsequent generations ( because often one child is concieved to convince the public) can be terrible.

The concept of a Lavender Marriage is quite old, and does not just belong to Holywood. There are many a British examples going back, and often the Lavenders are more concerned with themselves than their inadvertant victims. And then they cover up.

I have nothing against gay or lesbian relationships, but hiding it is a problem mainly for the offspring or adopted children. And therein lies the conundrum as often such folk are more concerned with their sexuality than their other responsibilities. It should maybe only be a choice for those who want to remain childless and not inflict other's choices on hetrosexual members of the family, which raises the problem of selfishness and deceit.

That is the problem with Lavender Marriages... one deceit leads to another.
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Old 30th Jan 2014, 07:05 AM   #13
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

Lol, god no.

I'm sexually attracted to both, so sexually it could work, but I have zero emotional connection with girls. Guys are for relationships and sex. Girls are just the occasional one night stand.
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Old 30th Jan 2014, 07:23 AM   #14
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

Yup, right after I got electroshock therapy to cure me of the mental illness that is homosexuality[/sarcasm] No, I live in the USA(albeit in a less gay friendly state) so why give up now when marriage equality is within our grasp?
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Old 30th Jan 2014, 08:57 AM   #15
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and I know someone who did this. my sister knows a coupld of people who did this.

Sometimes people are so scared of others reaction of they live in small community (read: cult) where coming out would destroy their lives and they'd lose loved ones. So they get married to act straight.
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Old 30th Jan 2014, 11:42 AM   #16
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I completely disagree with it, but i have a set view of marriage. I believe that marriage is for two people who love each other and are attracted to each other. That doesn't mean i think its evil mind you, but personally I would NEVER. I don't agree with open marriages either, or polygamy or anything either, but that's other peoples choices to make.
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Old 31st Jan 2014, 10:10 AM   #17
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

I almost ended up in a Lavender marriage my mom was gonna force me to marry some guy , and my aunt was also telling her to just marry me off . I probably would have told my husband off the bat that i'm not having sex with him and I'll only date and have sex with other women . I'm glad my mother never when through with this I remember my mom told some guy friend that she was going to do it and he told he doesn't think it's a good idea because I was too young .
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Old 31st Jan 2014, 01:40 PM   #18
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Default Re: Lavender Marriage?

My aunt and the father of her oldest child were in a lavender marriage, but it wasn't to conceal the fact that they were both gay/lesbian, it was "for the sake of the baby." Eventually, he was the first one to reveal that he was gay and couldn't be in the marriage anymore, and she eventually came out as well.
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