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Craigslist Hookups

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Brenny, May 24, 2012.

  1. Brenny

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    I am going to preface this thread with a little story. After work I checked my phone. There were all of these messages on it from random phone numbers. They said things like, "hey :slight_smile:" or "what's up?" or "cl ad?" It was totally weird and confusing. After thinking about it I finally responded to one text asking what they meant. They said that I had an ad on craigslist. I then realized what it was for... I said... "for hooking up?" and I was promptly answered with a "yes." At this point I was beginning to freak out. I asked, "gay or straight?"

    "Gay."

    I asked him about the ad and he said it was about a virgin bottom wanting sex or something.

    Even now, I really don't know how this happened. I am assuming it is this guy at work who is also gay but I never told him my orientation. But a couple know I'm gay so he probably was told. He and I don't get along at all because he is full of attitude and not friendly. So I am assuming it was him playing a prank. Plus he specifically made a joke about me being a virgin and a bottom. None of my friends have that kind of sense of humor and I know he could easily get my number.

    Anyway I was thinking. I could easily say yes to one of these men. I could go ahead and do it. And maybe even meet guys and make friends and maybe even start a relationship. After all, that is what I want, isn't it? But then I realized I just can't. The idea of sex with a random guy is... I just can't do it. I don't even know their names and they were already asking my stats and all this personal stuff. But here I was with male attention, something I have honestly desperately wanted lately. Not only can I just not make myself do it with any of these guys, but I want a relationship first. I want to feel the tension and the buildup that grows over time with another guy. I want him to be special and to really appreciate me first.

    I don't quite understand the thinking guys have who go on places like craigslist for hookups. And honestly it just doesn't feel safe to me. I'm... very young looking, and inexperienced and I just would feel taken advantage of. That is my greatest concern. How do others feel about hooking up with strangers through sites? I'm just curious about both sides of the story and why people would or wouldn't do it.
     
  2. Gerry

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    I strongly advise against it. There are many people that are looking for younger vulnerable guys to take advantage of and I'd say probably 99% of them do not want a relationship but instead just want a quick hookup. A lot of guys also can lie about their status when it comes to age and whether or not they might have STDs, even if you are safe about it, it isn't worth it. If you wait, something will come around. You'll get your relationship, just give it some time. And about your coworker getting your number and doing it, that's totally possible by the sounds of it. I'm not sure if I would confront him or just delete the ad he posted and if it happens again then do something.
     
  3. Chip

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    Well... it all depends on what you're after.

    Craigslist hookups are just that... hookups. I would hazard the wild guess that 90+% of all the people who post there are not really interested in relationships (even if they claim otherwise) or are incapable of sustaining relationships. So you end up with a bunch of people who just hook up, serially, some with multiple partners each day. So in addition to being mostly one-time hookups, there's also a pretty high risk of getting some sort of STI, as the people you're hooking up with, regardless of their protestations to the contrary, are probably neither safe nor cautious about who they hook up with, making them at high risk of having one or more STIs.

    And... someone such as yourself who is a virgin and a bottom is going to be the Holy Grail of many of the people on Craigslist, so, honestly that is the last possible place (other than, maybe, a bathhouse) where I'd want to have my first experience.

    I am personally a little bit torn with the whole hookup thing. It would be about as far afield from what I would personally be comfortable doing as it gets, because, to me, sex is something that has value beyond the physical act, and, again, for me, that value requires an emotional and psychological connection that can't be present with someone you've just met up with.

    But at the same time, I can see that for some people, sex is a leisure activity that's just something that feels good and is to be enjoyed. I can't help but wonder if the people who view it that way aren't somewhat disconnected from their emotional, vulnerable selves and therefore have no idea what it could really be like if they approached it differently, but I can't know that for sure.

    I do think that when you're in the process of coming out, haven't had a relationship, and are yearning for physical connection, hookups can seem like a good idea, or a way of "getting past" virginity. But from the people I've talked to who have done hookups as their first time, they generally do feel empty and used and taken advantage of, and so I think your intuition is probably correct.
     
  4. Brenny

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    I checked and I don't see the ad. I think it was removed. The idea that a bunch of random men so quickly jump at the chance to take advantage of a "young virgin bottom" is disturbing.

    If I do find out that this was because of my coworker posting me on there, could this be classified as some kind of harassment?
     
  5. Gerry

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    That's how sites like that work though. If there's an ad about a young virgin bottom, I'm sure there will be many replies from guys wanting to try and meet up, that's just the way it is. As for whether or not it's harassment what your coworker did, I would say yes, definitely. The only thing is you don't have full proof that he is the one that did it, only speculation.
     
  6. Deaf Not Blind

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    i would be scared of STDs, murder, robbery, who knows what criminal could like to use a "virgin gay."

    respect your body, man! i am glad you made a logical decision and over-rided those hormones. and you know, i never thought about it, but to have a bunch of ladies who are straight texting me asking for information about me for hooking up, it would likely make me feel kinda macho and excited.

    i will tell you, id try to catch a confession on that jerk! id make him lose his F'n job! that is like sexual harassment at work, you know? maybe ya don't, because its usually directed male to female, but hey it goes everyone! he may hate you, but he has no right to steal your private contact info and use it to get sexual. cretan!

    ---------- Post added 25th May 2012 at 01:21 AM ----------

    See guys like you, and the guy who started the thread, are the reason I think straight churchgoing people got it all wrong. You are men, who want a meaningful relationship not just a hookup for fun, and you happen to be gay men! So many women, straight ones, have said to me that all men are the same want one thing...yeah true, maybe 99.9%...but they think that men don't want anything BUT sex! i don't get that only just for fun feeling, and being meaningless and emotionally fake. I agree, real humans have a need to be respected and loved, and with intimacy you can't really get away from some bonding unless you are ice cold.
     
  7. RebelD

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    There might be proof on his pc, in the internet log.
     
  8. HunterN95

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    I know this is incredibly immature, but "virgin bottom wanting sex" had me rolling! :roflmao:
     
  9. Mad Man L

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    Judging by your attitude towards sex, and the fact you're a "virgin bottom", I'd advise against it. In order for a random hook-up to 'work' (so to speak), you either have to:
    a) Have the ability to separate 'sex' from 'love'
    b) Have no value of relationships and just enjoy the thrill of going around screwing strangers.

    For the most part (especially if the hook-up is something organised online), hook-ups are just sexual. They happen one night, and you wake up the next morning and it is as if nothing has happened. Hook-ups can work, and if that's the path people want to go down, that's fine - valuing your virginity like it's a Ferrari is a bit stupid in my opinion, but that's just me. The person at your work, however, seems creepy. I'd avoid him.
     
  10. Brenny

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    Okay just to be clear, he posted that I was a virgin bottom. I am definitely a virgin but I don't know that I have a preference or not. But anyway, I do have to agree that throwing away your virginity to some strange creep from craigslist is a serious waste. I think the STD thing is the most scary part. And to me, it just seems to take some serious balls to just go to a site, find a guy, and jump into a hookup.
     
  11. Emberstone

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    let this be the educational video on this subject: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2MJyrvithg[/YOUTUBE]