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Old 26th May 2012, 08:43 AM   #21
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

The "covering up" games are usually more obvious than the "unconscious gay signs".

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Old 26th May 2012, 09:05 AM   #22
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chip View Post
I have a whole list of indicators that a guy is probably closeted and some day I'm going to make a (somewhat joking but probably remarkably accurate) application called "Is Your Boyfriend Gay" that makes use of these indicators.
Please do. My gaydar is stuck at 0, even with feminine guys I just assume they're straight...
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Old 26th May 2012, 02:12 PM   #23
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I have no gaydar. If I did, it would be awesome to try to figure out a few friends of mine's sexualities.

When I was more in the closet, I used to brag about all the girls I dated at the time. I did date them, but never slept with them. I've been told by those people I have told that they actually knew I was interested in the same sex, by the way I looked at some of my friends when we were all together. It didn't really bother me... I guess it made the entire 'coming out' process a little bit easier. lol
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Old 27th May 2012, 09:00 AM   #24
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

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Originally Posted by davidroberts View Post
i wish we lived in a world where der was no need to hide
In many parts of the world there is no need to hide, and hiding there is merely 90% personal insecurity.

---------- Post added 27th May 2012 at 05:02 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chip View Post
If you are gay, people who are gay will almost certainly be able to pick it up no matter what you do. Many straight people who are tuned in can figure it out as well.

And if you vehemently insist you're heterosexual, dating girls, talking about your exploits in the bedroom, or how hot your girlfriend is or whatever... that, combined with what gay people already sense, will just make the gay folks with good gaydar that much more certain you're gay and closeted.

I've said this before but my friends and I sort of jokingly play "find the hidden fairy" when we're somewhere likely to have a bunch of closeted gay guys, such as a theater or dance event. Of course, we don't approach or tell them we're doing this, but it's amazing how often it turns out to be accurate.

I have a whole list of indicators that a guy is probably closeted and some day I'm going to make a (somewhat joking but probably remarkably accurate) application called "Is Your Boyfriend Gay" that makes use of these indicators.

Bottom line... it's almost like the more you try to hide it, the more you'll make it obvious. Just be yourself, don't consciously try to act differently than you are, otherwise you'll likely make yourself even more obvious. And work on loving yourself enough that you can get to the point where you're ready to start coming out
I wouldn't be so sure. I think I'd do a good job at hiding it if I wanted (subtle hints of heterosexuality being the rule here), but then again, I wouldn't really care if I was 'found out'.
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Old 1st Jun 2012, 09:18 PM   #25
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike92 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chip View Post
If you are gay, people who are gay will almost certainly be able to pick it up no matter what you do. Many straight people who are tuned in can figure it out as well.

And if you vehemently insist you're heterosexual, dating girls, talking about your exploits in the bedroom, or how hot your girlfriend is or whatever... that, combined with what gay people already sense, will just make the gay folks with good gaydar that much more certain you're gay and closeted.

I've said this before but my friends and I sort of jokingly play "find the hidden fairy" when we're somewhere likely to have a bunch of closeted gay guys, such as a theater or dance event. Of course, we don't approach or tell them we're doing this, but it's amazing how often it turns out to be accurate.

I have a whole list of indicators that a guy is probably closeted and some day I'm going to make a (somewhat joking but probably remarkably accurate) application called "Is Your Boyfriend Gay" that makes use of these indicators.

Bottom line... it's almost like the more you try to hide it, the more you'll make it obvious. Just be yourself, don't consciously try to act differently than you are, otherwise you'll likely make yourself even more obvious. And work on loving yourself enough that you can get to the point where you're ready to start coming out
Ha ha -- I had a good laugh at that.

I can never tell if guys are gay/bisexual unless it's painfully obvious. Then again, I just assume that almost every guy I see is straight.
Eye Contact! Dude can act straight talk about manly things e.t.c.. and I can usually pick up on if hes gay/bi by looking in his eyes, my 'GayDar' is pretty good these days.
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Old 1st Jun 2012, 10:40 PM   #26
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SteelCityGuy View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike92 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chip View Post
If you are gay, people who are gay will almost certainly be able to pick it up no matter what you do. Many straight people who are tuned in can figure it out as well.

And if you vehemently insist you're heterosexual, dating girls, talking about your exploits in the bedroom, or how hot your girlfriend is or whatever... that, combined with what gay people already sense, will just make the gay folks with good gaydar that much more certain you're gay and closeted.

I've said this before but my friends and I sort of jokingly play "find the hidden fairy" when we're somewhere likely to have a bunch of closeted gay guys, such as a theater or dance event. Of course, we don't approach or tell them we're doing this, but it's amazing how often it turns out to be accurate.

I have a whole list of indicators that a guy is probably closeted and some day I'm going to make a (somewhat joking but probably remarkably accurate) application called "Is Your Boyfriend Gay" that makes use of these indicators.

Bottom line... it's almost like the more you try to hide it, the more you'll make it obvious. Just be yourself, don't consciously try to act differently than you are, otherwise you'll likely make yourself even more obvious. And work on loving yourself enough that you can get to the point where you're ready to start coming out
Ha ha -- I had a good laugh at that.

I can never tell if guys are gay/bisexual unless it's painfully obvious. Then again, I just assume that almost every guy I see is straight.
Eye Contact! Dude can act straight talk about manly things e.t.c.. and I can usually pick up on if hes gay/bi by looking in his eyes, my 'GayDar' is pretty good these days.
Yeah, I guess I'm just not good at studying guys' eye contact.
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Old 1st Jun 2012, 11:11 PM   #27
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I think that "gaydar" is bullshit. How many guys on here do you see falling for their straight best friend? Plenty, which leads me to the conclusion that no one really knows anything about another persons sexual preference. And if these highly skilled gay guys really do posess this intuition, it doesn't matter anyway since they're gay... Most straight people assume everyone is straight and I assume that's who you're worried about so just chill...Plus no one can be certain you're gay unless you're extremely stereotypical.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 12:02 AM   #28
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I've known a few people who were self-proclaimed experts on detecting "gayness", well they were dead wrong in many cases, guess their gaydar should have had a factory recall or something
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 12:26 AM   #29
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I usually just tried to avoid the subject altogether. When it did come up (and it inevitably did in my late teens) I would usually try to BS my way through the converation with something like "I'm not looking to rush into anything" or something like that. My parents usually didn't ask directly. When I visited relatives I would get asked a lot. Things like "Do you have a girlfriend yet?" and that sort of thing.

I think I did a pretty good job of hiding it except for this one time in Grade 8 (or around then) a girl asked me out and told me how much she liked me. I was very flattered but I responded with "I'm just not ready for a relationship yet." I thought I was golden. I had to think fast because she was waiting for an answer. In retrospect it was a pretty lame attempt to hide my sexuality. No kid would say that. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the school either so I think she might have thought that was the reason I didn't end up going out with her. I think it hurt her feelings pretty bad even though I never meant to. I haven't seen her in forever but if I ever run into her I kind of feel like explaining my side of the story and apologize if I ruined her life or something. Or maybe she saw right through the lie and has a very finally tuned gaydar.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 01:14 AM   #30
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I'm ashamed to tell this story now, but I was at a get together with old high school friends. We decided to meet up at a bar. All of us had moved out of state so it was the first time we had seen each other in probably 6 or 7 years. One of the guys came out as gay right after high school. He was cute in high school and just as cute then. He had a crush on me back then and I knew he was gay without him ever telling anyone and he probably figured the same of me. We always looked at each other, you know how these stories go. Anyway, I didn't understand what the heck was going on in my mind at all really. I was very confused back then and it freaked me out a lot. So in high school nothing ever came of anything. Well back to the bar and here he comes cute as the last time I saw him. After several drinks I was joking around about something and we all were laughing like a bunch of goofballs. Then he slaps me on the ass pretty hard. I froze! Like my whole body tensed up. I collected myself and decided to walk over to this chick who I new liked me a lot. I asked her if I could kiss her and she smiled so we started slobbering all over each other. The whole time thinking I wish I was kissing the cute guy. Just one more reason to come out while you are young. Missed opportunities, damn just damn. So stupid.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 01:52 AM   #31
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

In junior high and high school, I used to come off as though I disliked everyone to an unfathomable degree, which was mostly true. Frankly, I still feel that most of my "peers" have absolutely zero redeemable qualities.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 02:11 AM   #32
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I have amassed a huge collection of geeky t-shirts over the years. It started when I was around 16 or so. I have always been genuinely interested in science, computers, technology in general and other topics but I have always pondered whether the geek fashion thing was just my subconcious creating plausible deniability when it came to anyone asking why I didn't have a girlfriend. I could always argue that women don't like geeks. It's probably just another one of my musings. I often wonder if seemingly unrelated parts of my life have any bearing on my sexuality and my attempts to cover it up when I was younger.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 02:23 AM   #33
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

When I was in the closet I did many things to hide who I was.

1. I would drink a lot of beer. 7% or higher. Anything less was sissy, and if someone upped the game with whiskey, I'd take it from the bottle. I'd also ingest caffeine pills to ensure I would never pass out first. I even refused medical attention when I suffered alcohol poisoning and slept for 3 days.

2. I never listened to pop music, strictly grunge, metal and rock. I also made sure that anyone who listened to pop music was told how gay it was.

3. My clothes never matched, and I made sure I did not buy 'homoerotic' designer brands, like A&F, Prada, and Gucci. I even denied knowing what these brands were, to ensure I was never thought to be interested in fashion. All my clothes were unfitted, tshirts were boxy, jeans were loose cut, and most items at least 1-2 sizes too large. This made me look bigger than I actually was.

4. I would regularly shove, strike and wrestle people to assert my dominance over them. If someone was physically stronger than me, I would simply dismiss them as having a size/weight advantage, asserting the fact that pound for pound, I was supreme. If they disagreed, I would hit them with a rock.

5. I'd call everyone I saw a "homo" "faggot" or "sissy", just to ensure people knew how foul I thought those little queers were, and was never second guessed as to my own sexual identity.

6. If a girl showed interest in me, I would simply be as foul as I could, burping and farting in her company, to gross her out. This way I could remain unattached, and when asked why I was single simply accuse them of being juvenile princesses than cannot handle a man.

7. I usually communicated my thoughts to others in short, unintelligible grunts, groans, head nods and the occasional "Nope" or "Yuh", to ensure my natural penchant for enunciation was never under scrutiny

8. Never watched any movies with a body count less than 50 people. No rom coms, no documentaries, no sissy artsy films. Just guns, boobs, guns, boobs, explosions and potty humor! The more fart jokes the better. Adam Sandler is the coolest guy in Hollywood.

9. Memorized every "Chuck Norris" joke, invented a few of my own, but Chuck Norris didn't approve of them. We faced off in a fight to the death. I resisted the shock wave from his mountain shattering roundhouse kick, and fought him to a stalemate. Then I allowed him to walk away with his life.

10. Avoided going to gay cities

Last edited by ArcherySet; 2nd Jun 2012 at 02:37 AM..
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 02:59 AM   #34
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

everyone can understand different :P
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 03:06 AM   #35
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I've never denied that I'm gay, but I'm an anti-social nerd that rarely goes anywhere so there aren't exactly scores of people asking 'Hmmm, I wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend'
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 03:07 AM   #36
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycbiguy View Post
I think that "gaydar" is bullshit. How many guys on here do you see falling for their straight best friend? Plenty, which leads me to the conclusion that no one really knows anything about another persons sexual preference.
Ah, but there's a huge difference between one's gaydar and one's hope-o-meter. The hope-o-meter is what twitches when you see a guy you *wish* was gay but isn't. People whose gaydar is good know the difference, but it can take time to develop.

And, additionally, there's a difference between gaydar (which is the ability to detect that someone is gay) and falling for a straight friend, whom you know is unattainable because he is straight. But for some people, even if it's unattainable, they will still fall hopelessly anyway.

So, at least among my crowd, gaydar exists, is accurate (at least, among those who cultivate it) and can be helpful... but as I said, it does sometimes take time to get the hope-o-meter and gaydar properly calibrated
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 10:15 AM   #37
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycbiguy View Post
I think that "gaydar" is bullshit. How many guys on here do you see falling for their straight best friend? Plenty, which leads me to the conclusion that no one really knows anything about another persons sexual preference. And if these highly skilled gay guys really do posess this intuition, it doesn't matter anyway since they're gay... Most straight people assume everyone is straight and I assume that's who you're worried about so just chill...Plus no one can be certain you're gay unless you're extremely stereotypical.
That has little to do with gaydar. Plenty of people in the world fall for people they know they have little to no chance of ever being with. You can't really help who you are attracted to. A straight guy who is a good, caring friend can be hard not to develop feelings for. The brain and the heart aren't always in sync.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 10:19 AM   #38
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

I've known I was gay forever but I'm just not flamboyant I guess.

I occasionally act really hyper and sometimes put my hands on my hips but really I'm just not exactly the stereotype.
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 10:22 AM   #39
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArcherySet View Post
When I was in the closet I did many things to hide who I was.

1. I would drink a lot of beer. 7% or higher. Anything less was sissy, and if someone upped the game with whiskey, I'd take it from the bottle. I'd also ingest caffeine pills to ensure I would never pass out first. I even refused medical attention when I suffered alcohol poisoning and slept for 3 days.

2. I never listened to pop music, strictly grunge, metal and rock. I also made sure that anyone who listened to pop music was told how gay it was.

3. My clothes never matched, and I made sure I did not buy 'homoerotic' designer brands, like A&F, Prada, and Gucci. I even denied knowing what these brands were, to ensure I was never thought to be interested in fashion. All my clothes were unfitted, tshirts were boxy, jeans were loose cut, and most items at least 1-2 sizes too large. This made me look bigger than I actually was.

4. I would regularly shove, strike and wrestle people to assert my dominance over them. If someone was physically stronger than me, I would simply dismiss them as having a size/weight advantage, asserting the fact that pound for pound, I was supreme. If they disagreed, I would hit them with a rock.

5. I'd call everyone I saw a "homo" "faggot" or "sissy", just to ensure people knew how foul I thought those little queers were, and was never second guessed as to my own sexual identity.

6. If a girl showed interest in me, I would simply be as foul as I could, burping and farting in her company, to gross her out. This way I could remain unattached, and when asked why I was single simply accuse them of being juvenile princesses than cannot handle a man.

7. I usually communicated my thoughts to others in short, unintelligible grunts, groans, head nods and the occasional "Nope" or "Yuh", to ensure my natural penchant for enunciation was never under scrutiny

8. Never watched any movies with a body count less than 50 people. No rom coms, no documentaries, no sissy artsy films. Just guns, boobs, guns, boobs, explosions and potty humor! The more fart jokes the better. Adam Sandler is the coolest guy in Hollywood.

9. Memorized every "Chuck Norris" joke, invented a few of my own, but Chuck Norris didn't approve of them. We faced off in a fight to the death. I resisted the shock wave from his mountain shattering roundhouse kick, and fought him to a stalemate. Then I allowed him to walk away with his life.

10. Avoided going to gay cities
You went to such great lengths to to hide who you were, but was it really worth it? You don't have to answer,I'm just super curious =P
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Old 2nd Jun 2012, 01:49 PM   #40
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Default Re: How do gay guys hide it?

There is a saying. A fisherman can always spot another fisherman. So you can't hide from everyone.

I'm not a stereotypical gay man, and I can not imagine that I would be happy pretending to be one. I like beer, I burp, swear, tell crude jokes, fix cars, like action movies, and like ice hockey. That is who I am.

My advise is just to be yourself. If you like "straight guy" things then great, if you like "gay guys things" then great.

My main through is why hide it? Be proud and confident of who you are.
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