Ok, so, I've had an inkling I was a gay since around 13 when I became interest in boys, instead of girls. I didn't like girls, I didn't like talking to girls, I wasn't in the least bit curious about girls in anyway. That was the first flag in hindsight... the second flag might be some *ahem* fooling around in the Boy Scouts but once again, I tricked myself into believing it was a phase. So from 17 on till now, I lived my life as a straight man. All through college, straight at a flagpole. I maybe watched gay porn a total of six times in college and it scared me so much at how much it turned me on that I repressed it even more. I took on a couple girlfriends, we even had sex with few problems and I thought "pffft, I'm straight, look I'm HAVING SEX with a girl!" Now, I have a girlfriend (which I'm sure some of you know I'm having a hell of a time trying to break it to her that I'm gay) but it's just, over the past few months, I've been getting turned on by men in public, crushing on male actors I see in movies, watching more gay porn, actively seeking out conversations with men over the internet, some other... things. And it's not just a sexual thing that I crave sex with men, I fantasize about cuddling with men, getting married, having a home together, holding each other on the couch, sneaking in kisses, holding hands, spooning, making breakfast for him, hugging him so tight that I know I want to be with him forever... I want to be romantically involved. All these feelings have come to the surface over the past four months or so... has anybody else experienced that? It's overwhelming. Am I moving too quickly? Does everybody experiment like that? I'm going crazy, I think.
Hello there and welcome to Empty Closets. And I think it's safe to say that this is all a case of suppressing what gay feelings you've had over the years and it's now coming to a point where it's all coming out properly and making you realise that you can't avoid it any longer. This isn't rare, I think we all had these moments where we came to a realisation that we weren't straight and that we liked the same sex, but it just happens in different ways and occurs differently for many people. It might be a bit quick yes, but it's better to have this sort of exploding inner gay come out sooner rather than later. All the best of luck in the future.
its completely normal. with our usual peer pressure we tend to lie to ourself. experimenting is cmpletely different. and sooner or later u have to tell her. i know its easy to say then to do it but you shud b the one to decide what u want for urself. bcause all dat matters is you being happy. i m sure she will understand sooner or later.
Just sounds to me like you may have had those feelings before but repressed them or told yourself they were wrong. Now that you are coming out to yourself you're allowing yourself to feel these things and since it is all new and strange to you it seems a bit overwhelming and like it's happening way more than it should be when...it really is quite normal.
Aaaaw [= This I can definetly relate to, I think its something you go through it at some point anyway, just suppose you've denied it for so long and now its all coming together , just all at once, which is goood. At least you know what you're feeling for sure xD
That's alright, truthfully all of that happened to me about a year ago. Once you accept the truth, alot of new feelings come to the surface. It is weird but good, at least you know what you want
I can completely relate to that, happened to me a few months ago. I think it's just you telling you that your ready to accept being gay to yourself. It really is like your coming out to yourself in a way!
Yeah. The more I just tell myself, you are gay and that isn't changing, the more I seem to just kinda act more stereotypical. Not that I've gone flamboyant all of a sudden, but I'm not shying away from the stereotypical like I used to. I'm not as afraid to get a little more excited about things, I finally am letting myself enjoy music and other things that I previously thought was just "too gay." And yes, I am a little more open to seeing guys in public and letting myself think that they are indeed cute.
i'll put it like this. i was gay ever since i was in the womb, i didn't know i was though. since there were no exact words to describe who i was, whatever i was doing, and etc, it didn't bother or concern me. everybody around me probably knew i was gay though. i used to flirt with girls and whatever because that's what i saw on tv. that's what boys did. well, it all didn't hit me until i was 12 and then out of fear, i tried to repress it. i overexaggerated how i felt about girls when in reality, i wasn't interested in dating or even hooking up with them. the more i repressed it, the more it would just bother me, the more i felt that i had to prove that i was straight which would be acting interested in girls, buying magazines, trying to like women that i really had no sort of romantic feelings for and etc or order to make it go away. i honestly believed that i could turn myself straight by doing what i did over time but over the years, i realized that this was something that i had no control over and it wasn't going to go anywhere. all that left me was feeling depressed, angry and having a deep hatred for myself. looking back at it now, i don't know why i did all that to myself even though i can somewhat understand why. i did it out of fear of being rejected by those around me. now that i'm a grown man in my mid 20s shifting into the 30 y/o mark in the next 4 years, i'm developing the courage to just let everything be even when i sometimes get the urge to hide and run away again. i'll still be the same gay person in denial. basically, you are going through the same thing i went through except you went a step further by getting yourself a girlfriend to prove to yourself that you're straight. i would say just embrace it. you might have to get help on it though because it's not easy trying to erase something like that. all those years being closeted WILL have an effect on you, whether you like to think so or not. i would say just take it slowly and try to get as much help as you can get because this might be the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life.
