Well, don't get me wrong, this isn't me being rude, or attacking any one or being sarcastic (i go as far as to point this out, because when asking this questions other places, rather than answers, i received very angry hate responses.) But My question is Why come out, What are the pro's? and this may be a person question for me that i may have to answer for myself. But what are your reasons for coming out, and what were your pro's and con's A little back story lol I would personally call myself bisexual simply because i am "aroused by both sexes" I am a virgin just over the age of 18, I have only dated girls, and i have only felt emotionally attached to females, i have had dreams of marrying women & i ultimately feel i will probably end up marrying a woman one day. But i have always been sexually attracted to males (via porn) and more recently going to college more and more often i tend to look at guys and think he's hot, or things like that... I have always been very to gay culture for some reason lol, even growing up my favorite movie was about drag queens (tu won fu: thanks for every thing julia newmar * ignore my spelling) I already plan to do drag on halloween & considering a drag contest my university does. I know after halloween.... i might as well be throwing termites on my closet door... but is it even worth coming out.... if it's a toss up? :eusa_doh:
Welcome to EC! Speaking for me, there were two major positives about coming out. One, it let everybody know I was on the market. I no longer had to try to find a way to let potential dates and/or hook-ups know that I was into guys. Two, I no longer had to carry the weight of uncertainty. I didn't to have to worry what somebody might think if they found out - because they already knew. I could talk to my friends about finding somebody attractive, or about not having any luck finding a boyfriend, the same way they could talk about the same things. It cut through all the guessing games and whatnot. I could just be me. Lex
It was a relief to let them know because even at home I would have to watch what I did and now I don't really care, of course I'm not out to everyone but it still feels good.
Welcome to EC! For me, the main reason why I came out was in order to take charge of my life again and stop letting fear run it for me. Its very empowering being able to be out and being able to live your life the exact way that you want to live it. The second is that I wanted to live with integrity and I wasn't going to do that by lying about who I liked and didn't like. You cannot be happy without being authentic, so the best step for me was to stop lying. The cons were mainly people's rejection and having to deal with homophobes, but those sort of became worries that I had rather than obstacles to me coming out. Now I just deal with that and enjoy everything else.
Willkommen! My coming out brought me clarity, ended my long long depression, and let me live my life like I've always wanted to.... as a wookie. Right? That's what this forum is for, right? Coming out as a wookie? Am I in the wrong place? GREEDO SHOT FIRST!!!! But seriously, it did bring me clarity like I have never felt before.
It's unbelievable how much of a burden being gay is when you're 'in the closet' (dislike that term, not sure why) and it holds me back from doing so many things. I'm depressed 65% of the time and that's all because of the people that I love and care for not completely knowing who I am. I want to be able to speak openly about relationships, I want my parents to ask me if I've met any guys recently (not girls!), I want to be able to bring a guy home one day without giving my parents a heart attack and ultimately I just want to be accepted. I guess being bisexual gives you more of an option on those fronts, but surely you want to be able to talk about guys your find attractive. Not only that, what if you meet a guy you really like (I know you said you'd probably be with a woman), you never know what the future holds for you. I need closure and I need to shift this burden to make room for other things in life.
Welcome to EC! From my own personal experience, coming out (as lesbian) had both pros and cons, but in the end of the day, the pros outweighed the cons. Let me start with pretty much the single con. I noticed that I was getting treated differently at school when I came out, which did last a little bit. I was getting funny looks from here and there and etc. But after a while those did actually stop, and people were getting used to the fact that I liked girls. It became just another part of who I was. :3 The pros were that I was no longer stressed out, I no longer had to hide who I was, and I could be who I really wanted to be, myself. It's great, really.
-I found the biggest relief was with my friends. I no longer felt like i had to lie to them about who i was. They no longer ask me silly questions about what guys i find attractive, which i always found annoying and repulsive anyway to think of any of my guy friends in that way. -My self confidence has grown a lot since and i am not more sociable. Feeling more comfortable in a situation.I have made a lot of new friends since this. -I don't have to distance myself from my parents. scared to be to close with them talk to them properly, in case they started to question anything. Or in case i let something slip out. -The humor between me and my friends with the gay jokes(as bad as that sounds it's not intended like that) is hilarious even though they make a total show of me in front of girls. -Being out gives you more opportunity to meet people like you and get to know other gay people. The only negatives are homophobia but I think you will over come this with great friends and support and as time goes on it will get easier. Rant over!
I think the main reason in coming out is the feeling of not hiding from the people you care about. Also, personally, if I just kept my sexuality to myself I would doubt myself everyday. I know, for me, the topic of sexuality comes out a lot in my house and with my friends, I still have to lie/sugarcoat my answers when asked about wanting a boyfriend or if guys are hot when I'm with my friends. And dear god, it is annoying/embarrassing/rough. But when I'm with my family, especially my sister, I don't have to hold back anything.
Welcome to EC, Nels! I think you've gotten some great responses to your question about coming out, which have pretty much said it all. But I'll give you something else to think about... which you might not like, but maybe is worth thinking about. A large number of the people who join EC because they're trying to figure themselves out have posts very similar to yours: "I'm a male bisexual, I've always seen myself marrying a woman, I'm emotionally attracted to women, but I'm physically attracted more to men." And in most of those cases, that's what I like to call a bridge on the way to accepting themselves fully. As we process any loss (in this case, loss of our identity as straight) we go through 5 stages: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. For many people, "bargaining" looks like "Well, OK, maybe i'm attracted to men, but I still feel an attraction to women, even if only emotional, and maybe I can end up with one." And it sounds like that might be where you are. See, our conscious and unconscious fight about things like this that are a Big Deal, and we can go back and forth and play all sorts of rationalization games with ourselves. So I think that also plays into the question of "why come out"... because as long as you can convince yourself that you will probably end up with a woman, then there's no reason to. But the question is... are you being honest with yourself when you are looking at it that way? And to answer it, you have to try to look past the argument your conscious and unconscious are having. When you're walking around at the beach, or the mall, or anywhere else there are young, attractive people, where do your eyes go? Men or women? When you look at porn, if straight porn, are you watching the guys or the girls? When you masturbate, are you thinking about guys, or girls, or both? If you can think about those things, and answer them honestly (and, if you're comfortable answering them here in this thread) then it might help you better understand what is going on for you, and might help get more clarity on the question of coming out. And... if you would like to talk to someone one-on-one about any of this, I and the rest of the advisor team are here to talk via PM or IM, just feel free to PM any of us. I hope you'll stick around EC. It's a great community, and no one will ever give you crap for asking questions like this, because we've all been there
