The "Right" Kind of Gay???

I say screw being a flamer (well me being a flamer x3), I've said it and I'll say it again. I'm just as masculine as the next guy. I'm just a regular person, the only thing different about me is that I like men!! Seriously, I HATE HATE HATE seeing queeny gays on TV because that just ruins it for the rest of us when other people expect us to be girly, sensitive, and flamboyant >.<

 

It annoys me like nothing else!

"Oh, you are one of the good ones" "At least you aren't like them" Or my favorite one "just don't become a faggot" really now? Mhmm didn't know I needed your permission on how I can and cannot act.

I do go out of my way to act more stereotypical gay around people that dislike it. I probably shouldn't, but man its one of those things that I still can't get over. That or when people say "Agh, be gay but you don't have to show it". I LOVE kissing or hugging my boyfriend in front of those people. The faces are priceless.

I do get that they are trying to be nice and supportive, but eh, its one of those things that I don't bother trying to change people's minds.

 

yeah. half the time I'm manlier than the people who say I don't act gay >.>

 

yeah xD my friend is a federal agent, he raids meth houses, hunts down criminals, and was in the Marines, and he is probably gayer than I am xD

 

I have met a couple of friends that fit the stereotype very nicely. Yes, they are flamboyant, but they are the strongest people I have met. Not many of us can walk around with a clear sign that tells everyone you are gay.

They aren't ruining anything for you. The people generalizing are the ones to blame. It would be like me saying that all hispanics mowing grass ruins it for me. Now they expect me to do that same.

 

I guess you're right. but still, it really hurts when I see those actors on tv make that stereotype and then I have to endure it. sometimes it's like they're ridiculing the gay community. I won't say I'm not a bit flamboyant but still..

 

I do get what you are saying because I used to feel the exact same way, but you have to start asking yourself why you care so much what other people do. Yes, people will stereotype you for it, but they will do that with whatever they can. That's what humans do. Its easier to be okay with that fact and not care, than try to get the whole world to act and portray gay people how you think they should be portrayed.

I will admit that some characters on tv are a bit much, but that's because its TV. Everything on there is a bit much. Whoever things that what is portrayed on tv is real has some serious learning to do, but don't let it be your problem

 

It annoys me when people say "I love gay people and have no problem with them, it's just that why show it off and put on a show?" What does that mean? What is there to show off? If a guy is flamboyant or a girl is butchy, they aren't putting on a show or showing off how homosexual they are. In the same context, there are straight people "show off" and "put on a show" all the time. In a situation like: Straight guys with huge muscles who go around pinching girls' asses and girls walking around in mini skirts feeling all on the Guys' muscles. And especially in situations when straight people say things like:

Guy: "Man, you're a lesbian (or dyke, carpet muncher, etc?) You just haven't met the right guy, I can turn you around. wink, wink."

Girl: "Oh my god, you're gay? No way! But you're so gorgeous! I would so have sex with you! Aren't you just the least bit curious?"

In all of those scenarios, I always find myself thinking "okay, we get it. You're straight!"

Then again, like the OP said, when things like this happen I laugh it off and often think I'm just over thinking things (after going over the situation a bunch of times in my mind.) My whole rant could be the product of over thinking. Sometimes people just say things that make my brain uncomfortable because I don't know how to process what they said.

 

I agree. It's incredibly offensive and hurtful. Besides, some people can't hide certain characteristics about themselves, like their voice.

 

That's the way I see them. Possibly, the reason more gay people seem to fit these kind of stereotypes is because gay people feel less of a need to hide it. For people of all orientations, there is pressure to conform more to the standard that is "straight". It takes courage to be openly gay. For someone that is openly gay, being into fashion or liking pop music is going to be trivial by comparison.

If anything, it's the people who hold such expectations of the ways people should act that are ruining it for everybody. Some of these things might not be so "gay" if straight people were allowed to do it too free of suspicion.

It's not really the way I am. After all, I pretty much wear the kind of person I am on my sleeves...so to speak. Being who am I doesn't make me inherently better than somebody else though. I recently met a new friend who is about as stereotypical as it gets, yet he's cool in my books because he carries himself with confidence.

 

There are some flamboyant gay guys who would say similar things about us more down-low folk. They say things like, "Why do you hide it? We're only going to get people to accept us if we're loud and proud about being gay, if we let people know that we exist and their homophobia hurts the people they know. You not showing off who you are is hurting us! I bet you're ashamed of being gay! Why else would you act so straight?"

Sound ridiculous or presumptuous? That's what your comments sound like to them.

I say this as someone who used to be kind of proud of the fact that he wasn't flamboyant, so please hear me out on this: hating on flamboyant gay guys, no matter what you may think about how they "ridicule the gay community" or "ruin it for the rest of us", is just internalized homophobia. It's intra-community hatred, and it hurts both you and flamboyant gay guys. Because by perpetuating flamboyant-hate, you're tightening the definition of what it's "okay" to be like if you're a gay guy. You're boxing the rest of us in in terms of what we're "allowed" to be as gay men. That's not cool.

And as for the idea of flamers "ruining it for the rest of us"? No, they aren't; assholes who stereotype us based on one subgroup of the gay community are ruining it for the rest of us. And I know, back in the day when I was an unadmitted flamer-hater, I thought, "If only those flamboyant gay guys would tone it down, it would give homophobes less reason to hate us!" But think about it: who's actually being the shitty human being in this situation? The guy who acts flamboyant? Or the person who says, "Well, he's flamboyant, so all gay guys must be flamboyant!" and then tries to box the rest of us in with that narrow view? Direct your spite where it deserves to go.

 

Is it weird to say that the flamboyant stereotype makes me more comfortable with being a moderately feminine guy? Like I guess it excuses me for being different. When people look at me weird because I like female pop anthems or dress in bright, tight clothing or fret over my hair, or hate sports, it is like, "he's gay." In many ways, it is easier to be a gay feminine guy than a straight feminine guy.

 

I am a really girly girl, but there is no faster way to piss me off than talking crap about the butches and "flamers." It's a serious hot button of mine.

I wish the "flamers" had a self-identity for themselves within the community. I would like to have a word for them that is the one they would like. Butches I know find it validating to identify as butch, and I feel that way about femme identity.

I don't think it's weird at all. You feel validated by it--your gay identity makes you feel good about the feminine part of your personality. But I think it would be more helpful if the identity that validated your femininity was more specific to feminine men, rather than being the overall gay identity.

 

I've found that the "right kind of gay" for straight people depends on their gender. Men seem to prefer masculine gay men as friends and seem to secretly seek them out for companionship. Women seem to prefer the feminine gay men as friends and actively seek their companionship.

Straight women I find more problematic for this and I think this is probably just from my viewpoint of life. I've had women tell me to my face that I'm the "wrong" kind of gay because I don't want to go shopping with them, or cause I hang out with straight guys, or anything that I do naturally that shows that stereotypes are not always true.

It just plain pisses me off when this same mentality of most straight women I've met is in the lgbtq community. Where I've been to, the more "queer" you are, the more well-liked you are. If not, you're suspected of being straight and people feel free to openly question why you're even there. There's nothing wrong with any level of "queerness", but if it's fairly low that doesn't mean that the person is secretly straight or that it's all an act. It's just as bad as saying that a high level of queerness is detrimental to how the community is perceived- you're ostracizing members of the community who will probably develop some form of internalized homophobia/biphobia/transphobia because being treated like crap.

 

Well for me, I am not flamboyant, in fact i am not out at all. My family members will probably think that I am joking if I ever came out. So to be honest, i sorta like people who act a little "gay" so that I know that they are gay. I love talking to gay people so if everyone acts manly then I guess I would be clueless (I did not know about this gaydar until someone told me about it mysterious existence )

 

I'm a very feminine girl, but it really annoys me when people say shit about "butches" or "dykes". I mean yes, it makes it more obvious to people that someone is gay if they dress/act this way, but that shouldn't matter, if they're happy with who they are. Well honestly it annoys me people judge anyone for any reason.