Do you like being in Gay Clubs? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

johnnymay · 9th Jun 2012, 08:33 AM

I've been in Gay Clubs several times already but I just can't enjoy the crowd. I feel like everyone's wanting to get laid and all that. It sometimes disgusts me especially when the crowd is wild and nasty.

I'm from Manila by the way.

I still prefer the usual clubs, not those exclusive for gays.

*Sorry for the bad English. Not a native speaker.

*

starfish · 9th Jun 2012, 08:36 AM

I don't like crowded noisy places. So no I do not like it.

9th Jun 2012, 09:23 AM

Hello Johnny,

I tend to agree with you on this one as I don't care for raucous, rowdy places be they gay or straight/mixed. Not that I object to people having fun and letting go of their inhibitions, not at all but let's keep it civil and good humoured.

In some of the clubs, no matter where you go, the noise is incredible and you can't hear yourself think. You have to shout to order a drink form the bar, too.

There can be bad atmospheres in some venues, too and this often leads to fights and violent mayhem. It's often innocent folk who get gathered up in all of that. No, I'd sooner have a nice cup of tea and a slice of carrot cake in Dolly Clackett's Tea Rooms !!

The worst that can happen there is them running out of your favourite cake!

NickT · 9th Jun 2012, 09:27 AM

I get panic attacks in large crowds, so any bars/clubs on busy nights are definitely not for me.

Vernox · 9th Jun 2012, 09:44 AM

Well, being both under 18 and not out, I haven't been to any. However, I'd like to try going to one at least once in the future just to check things out.

Lewis · 9th Jun 2012, 09:58 AM

I'm not a fan of anything with a label in front of it, I go to average clubs with my straight/gay friends and will continue to do so after I come out. I think gay clubs, flags, pride, rainbows etc. are all mechanisms of alienating ourselves and become more of a minority than we already are. I feel really strongly about this...it's like having a 'black club' or 'dwarf club'. Let's all just be one society!

johnnymay · 9th Jun 2012, 10:30 AM

I agree with you CHRIS. I'd rather enjoy a nice talk over coffee with a friend.

I also agree with Lewis. These things are just pushing people to label us as this and that especially with what they see in nasty Gay Clubs.

BleedToLoveHer · 9th Jun 2012, 10:42 AM

The Gay Club from where I am is actually quite nice, depending on the day that you are actually there. On a color night, like Purple or Orange night (We have color night one Saturday a month leading up to pride) are the best nights with the best crowd for some reason. It is a very classy place compared to some of the clubs I've been in.

All in all, I prefer the pubs. Live fun music, some ale, that's my style.

Vernox · 9th Jun 2012, 10:44 AM

I see what you're saying, but I'd have to disagree.
We don't need "black bars" or "dwarf bars" because they don't have to tell someone they're different; their appearances do it for them. They can connect with someone similar if they wish to do so. We run the high risk of resentment and ridicule when we reveal who we really are. This isn't the case in places exclusively for gay people, where we can finally just be ourselves.

But on the topic of alienating ourselves, are gay bars REALLY hindering our progress on being an accepted part of the community? In my opinion, absolutely not. Again, I do see your point that we're blatantly saying we're different, but what choice do we have? What if we didn't have places for gay people to connect? We would be lost and alone, because not every gay person can be picked out of a crowd. And when people feel alone, they'll feel odd. Will people really come out of the closet with that? If anything, THAT would alienate us.
I mean, by your logic... This website is alienating us. Because it's exclusively for LGBT. Like you said, "Let's just all be one society!" ..Well, if only it were that easy.
That's just my take on things. *shrug*

9th Jun 2012, 11:24 AM

Hi Vernox,

Hoped you're enjoying EC like I am !!

I think the issue has become split here now between Gay Clubs per say and Gay Clubs which have a rowdy, troublesome atmosphere.

I've no objection to Gay labelled venues, they have their uses but those of an unsavoury nature, gay or straight are not on my map.

I do feel, too that as gay people, we should strive to associate ourselves with all the very positive and aspirational qualities that our sexuality fosters in us so that others may see and note our marque.

We're great people~let's be seen to be so !!

Regards,

CHRIS

midwestgirl89 · 9th Jun 2012, 12:20 PM

The gay club I go to is a lot of fun and the people are respectable. There aren't many gay women unfortunately. It's mainly gay guys and straight women. There's a drag show in one room and a dance floor in the next. I've only been creeped on twice by men so I like that.

I prefer gay clubs over straight clubs anyday because straight men at the straight clubs I've been to.......are disrespectful to women. I've felt violated at straight clubs way more than at gay clubs.

I don't think having a club specifically for gay people is bad at all. It makes me feel happy to be in a place that I'm accepted and like I can look around and see other gay people. Plus, the number one perk is that I won't have to worry about a pervy guy trying to grab my butt. Although that happened once at the gay club....

joeyblack · 9th Jun 2012, 03:10 PM

I have never been to a gay club so I couldn't say about that one. As for clubs in general I got most of my partying out of my system in my early twenties. i also got tired of the fighting and other bs at the clubs. IMO it you're going out to party you should keep the nonsense at home. If I were to go out not it would probably be a spot with a laid back atmosphere like a jazz lounge or the like.

Lewis · 9th Jun 2012, 03:14 PM

But why do we need to tell people that we're different? We're not. I hate that people think that we need to make some kind of statement, 'WE'RE GAY!', we really don't. I come to this site because I want to be able to come out to people that are close to me, I generally don't care what the world as a whole thinks about me. This site is for people of all sexualities that are struggling, not just gay people, it's not a 'gay site'.

We go to clubs to drink and socialise, not to make a statement about who we are. I've come to this forum for a specific reason, not to talk about general topics. That's like saying if you go to a gay bar, you MUST talk about gay related things. I stand by what I say and your arguments do not waver me whatsoever. I come here for support, I go to a club to drink and socialise, not to discuss my sexuality or make a statement about it.

Pinstripe · 9th Jun 2012, 03:19 PM

I agree with midwestgirl- straight guys can be so annoying in straight bars. That being said, I've had good times in bars, both gay and straight. I prefer it if there's some sort of band or show. Just drinking and dancing are not necessarily my thing.

midwestgirl89 · 9th Jun 2012, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lewissss

But why do we need to tell people that we're different? We're not. I hate that people think that we need to make some kind of statement, 'WE'RE GAY!', we really don't. I come to this site because I want to be able to come out to people that are close to me, I generally don't care what the world as a whole thinks about me. This site is for people of all sexualities that are struggling, not just gay people, it's not a 'gay site'.

We go to clubs to drink and socialise, not to make a statement about who we are. I've come to this forum for a specific reason, not to talk about general topics. That's like saying if you go to a gay bar, you MUST talk about gay related things. I stand by what I say and your arguments do not waver me whatsoever. I come here for support, I go to a club to drink and socialise, not to discuss my sexuality or make a statement about it.

One thing I've heard from my gay guy friend is that he feels as though he can't dance with guys at straight clubs. I live in a conservative area so the straight clubs might be dangerous if my friend were to hit on anyone. Gay clubs give him the option of dancing with other guys that are either gay, bisexual, or gay-friendly. I feel the same way about gay clubs because in other places, I'm not sure if the people are gay-friendly or if they are homophobic. It may depend on where you live and such, but Idk. It's a safety and comfort thing for me.

At gay clubs, I just dance and drink Coca-Cola (alcohol gives me headaches). I don't talk about anything gay-related per se, other than talking about the drag queens' performances.

Your opinion is valid and it's okay that you don't like gay clubs. Everyone has different taste.

Lewis · 9th Jun 2012, 05:13 PM

Sorry if I sounded a little erratic, I guess different areas are vary in how accepting they are. My gay friends do whatever in 'normal' clubs. I guess I need to see things from other peoples perspectives instead of from my own, because your point is pretty valid if you live in quite a conservative area.

I apologise if I offended anyone, I'm just one of those people that are really opinionated and sometimes forget to takes others opinions into account.

9th Jun 2012, 06:08 PM

I also don't like the bar scene, I don't drink, I don't like the smell, I don't like the noise, and I don't like the lights flashing and swirling about. So I rarely will go. However, if you don't go and you don't have any LGBT meetings that you know of/or are not in your area/town, then how do you meet other LGBT people and possibly a partner?

Level75 · 9th Jun 2012, 06:39 PM

I can't stand being in large crowds either. I will go to a bar during Happy Hour when there's maybe 5 people there at most. Much easier to talk and get to know people then. And you're not yelling over some mind shattering dance remix. More 1 on 1 talk time with the hot bartender (b'-')b

Quote:

Sorry if I sounded a little erratic, I guess different areas are vary in how accepting they are. My gay friends do whatever in 'normal' clubs. I guess I need to see things from other peoples perspectives instead of from my own, because your point is pretty valid if you live in quite a conservative area.

Yeah, I second what Miswestgirl89 says. If you're not an especially gay friendly place, there is pressure to not so much as even appear gay. It's nice for there to be a space where everybody just "gets" you and you don't have to feel as thought you must micromanage your behavior or conversation.

jony8472 · 9th Jun 2012, 11:40 PM

I generally go to a small bar with a couple of friends. It's small enough that I'm friends with all the staff so I get free drinks, and we play our music =]
But if I go out with other friends, I generally try to avoid crowded places, or places that are too loud.

Vanc · 10th Jun 2012, 12:21 AM

I've never been to a gay bar but I can't imagine I would like it very much. Not a big fan of large crowds and loud noises. Maybe if I can find a smaller one which is quiet then I'd be tempted to go. I just picture gay bars/clubs as a bunch of horny dudes trying to get at you (yes I know I'm stereotyping

but it's what I think).

9th Jun 2012, 08:33 AM	#1
johnnymay Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Manila Posts: 30 Join Date: Jun 2012	Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I've been in Gay Clubs several times already but I just can't enjoy the crowd. I feel like everyone's wanting to get laid and all that. It sometimes disgusts me especially when the crowd is wild and nasty. I'm from Manila by the way. I still prefer the usual clubs, not those exclusive for gays. Sorry for the bad English. Not a native speaker.

9th Jun 2012, 08:36 AM	#2
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 32 Posts: 2,948 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I don't like crowded noisy places. So no I do not like it. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

9th Jun 2012, 09:23 AM	#3
Christopher Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? Hello Johnny, I tend to agree with you on this one as I don't care for raucous, rowdy places be they gay or straight/mixed. Not that I object to people having fun and letting go of their inhibitions, not at all but let's keep it civil and good humoured. In some of the clubs, no matter where you go, the noise is incredible and you can't hear yourself think. You have to shout to order a drink form the bar, too. There can be bad atmospheres in some venues, too and this often leads to fights and violent mayhem. It's often innocent folk who get gathered up in all of that. No, I'd sooner have a nice cup of tea and a slice of carrot cake in Dolly Clackett's Tea Rooms !! The worst that can happen there is them running out of your favourite cake!

9th Jun 2012, 09:27 AM	#4
NickT Mr. Grammar Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Kentucky Posts: 990 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I get panic attacks in large crowds, so any bars/clubs on busy nights are definitely not for me. __________________ Gay Pride!

9th Jun 2012, 09:44 AM	#5
Vernox EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Alberta, Canada Age: 18 Posts: 353 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? Well, being both under 18 and not out, I haven't been to any. However, I'd like to try going to one at least once in the future just to check things out.

9th Jun 2012, 09:58 AM	#6
Lewis EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: United Kingdom Age: 20 Posts: 1,494 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I'm not a fan of anything with a label in front of it, I go to average clubs with my straight/gay friends and will continue to do so after I come out. I think gay clubs, flags, pride, rainbows etc. are all mechanisms of alienating ourselves and become more of a minority than we already are. I feel really strongly about this...it's like having a 'black club' or 'dwarf club'. Let's all just be one society!

9th Jun 2012, 10:30 AM	#7
johnnymay Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Manila Posts: 30 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I agree with you CHRIS. I'd rather enjoy a nice talk over coffee with a friend. I also agree with Lewis. These things are just pushing people to label us as this and that especially with what they see in nasty Gay Clubs.

9th Jun 2012, 10:42 AM	#8
BleedToLoveHer Noob Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Most people Location: New Brunswick, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 47 Join Date: May 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? The Gay Club from where I am is actually quite nice, depending on the day that you are actually there. On a color night, like Purple or Orange night (We have color night one Saturday a month leading up to pride) are the best nights with the best crowd for some reason. It is a very classy place compared to some of the clubs I've been in. All in all, I prefer the pubs. Live fun music, some ale, that's my style. __________________ When I read Shakespeare's Hamlet, I was very disappointed it wasn't about a little ham. -Craig Ferguson.

9th Jun 2012, 10:44 AM	#9
Vernox EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Alberta, Canada Age: 18 Posts: 353 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I see what you're saying, but I'd have to disagree. We don't need "black bars" or "dwarf bars" because they don't have to tell someone they're different; their appearances do it for them. They can connect with someone similar if they wish to do so. We run the high risk of resentment and ridicule when we reveal who we really are. This isn't the case in places exclusively for gay people, where we can finally just be ourselves. But on the topic of alienating ourselves, are gay bars REALLY hindering our progress on being an accepted part of the community? In my opinion, absolutely not. Again, I do see your point that we're blatantly saying we're different, but what choice do we have? What if we didn't have places for gay people to connect? We would be lost and alone, because not every gay person can be picked out of a crowd. And when people feel alone, they'll feel odd. Will people really come out of the closet with that? If anything, THAT would alienate us. I mean, by your logic... This website is alienating us. Because it's exclusively for LGBT. Like you said, "Let's just all be one society!" ..Well, if only it were that easy. That's just my take on things. shrug

9th Jun 2012, 11:24 AM	#10
Christopher Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Hi Vernox, Hoped you're enjoying EC like I am !! I think the issue has become split here now between Gay Clubs per say and Gay Clubs which have a rowdy, troublesome atmosphere. I've no objection to Gay labelled venues, they have their uses but those of an unsavoury nature, gay or straight are not on my map. I do feel, too that as gay people, we should strive to associate ourselves with all the very positive and aspirational qualities that our sexuality fosters in us so that others may see and note our marque. We're great people~let's be seen to be so !! Regards, CHRIS

9th Jun 2012, 12:20 PM	#11
midwestgirl89 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Age: 24 Posts: 1,019 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? The gay club I go to is a lot of fun and the people are respectable. There aren't many gay women unfortunately. It's mainly gay guys and straight women. There's a drag show in one room and a dance floor in the next. I've only been creeped on twice by men so I like that. I prefer gay clubs over straight clubs anyday because straight men at the straight clubs I've been to.......are disrespectful to women. I've felt violated at straight clubs way more than at gay clubs. I don't think having a club specifically for gay people is bad at all. It makes me feel happy to be in a place that I'm accepted and like I can look around and see other gay people. Plus, the number one perk is that I won't have to worry about a pervy guy trying to grab my butt. Although that happened once at the gay club....

9th Jun 2012, 03:10 PM	#12
joeyblack Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Atlanta, GA Age: 32 Posts: 45 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I have never been to a gay club so I couldn't say about that one. As for clubs in general I got most of my partying out of my system in my early twenties. i also got tired of the fighting and other bs at the clubs. IMO it you're going out to party you should keep the nonsense at home. If I were to go out not it would probably be a spot with a laid back atmosphere like a jazz lounge or the like.

9th Jun 2012, 03:14 PM	#13
Lewis EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: United Kingdom Age: 20 Posts: 1,494 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? But why do we need to tell people that we're different? We're not. I hate that people think that we need to make some kind of statement, 'WE'RE GAY!', we really don't. I come to this site because I want to be able to come out to people that are close to me, I generally don't care what the world as a whole thinks about me. This site is for people of all sexualities that are struggling, not just gay people, it's not a 'gay site'. We go to clubs to drink and socialise, not to make a statement about who we are. I've come to this forum for a specific reason, not to talk about general topics. That's like saying if you go to a gay bar, you MUST talk about gay related things. I stand by what I say and your arguments do not waver me whatsoever. I come here for support, I go to a club to drink and socialise, not to discuss my sexuality or make a statement about it.

9th Jun 2012, 03:19 PM	#14
Pinstripe Well Known Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Immediate family and everyone on facebook Location: CO Age: 25 Posts: 174 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I agree with midwestgirl- straight guys can be so annoying in straight bars. That being said, I've had good times in bars, both gay and straight. I prefer it if there's some sort of band or show. Just drinking and dancing are not necessarily my thing.

9th Jun 2012, 05:13 PM	#16
Lewis EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: United Kingdom Age: 20 Posts: 1,494 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? Sorry if I sounded a little erratic, I guess different areas are vary in how accepting they are. My gay friends do whatever in 'normal' clubs. I guess I need to see things from other peoples perspectives instead of from my own, because your point is pretty valid if you live in quite a conservative area. I apologise if I offended anyone, I'm just one of those people that are really opinionated and sometimes forget to takes others opinions into account.

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9th Jun 2012, 06:08 PM	#17
TeeJay Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I also don't like the bar scene, I don't drink, I don't like the smell, I don't like the noise, and I don't like the lights flashing and swirling about. So I rarely will go. However, if you don't go and you don't have any LGBT meetings that you know of/or are not in your area/town, then how do you meet other LGBT people and possibly a partner?

9th Jun 2012, 11:40 PM	#19
jony8472 Take care all=} Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Most everyone knows =] Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 20 Posts: 215 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I generally go to a small bar with a couple of friends. It's small enough that I'm friends with all the staff so I get free drinks, and we play our music =] But if I go out with other friends, I generally try to avoid crowded places, or places that are too loud.

10th Jun 2012, 12:21 AM	#20
Vanc All day, all night Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Friends & Immediately Family! Location: Canada Age: 22 Posts: 80 Join Date: May 2012	Re: Do you like being in Gay Clubs? I've never been to a gay bar but I can't imagine I would like it very much. Not a big fan of large crowds and loud noises. Maybe if I can find a smaller one which is quiet then I'd be tempted to go. I just picture gay bars/clubs as a bunch of horny dudes trying to get at you (yes I know I'm stereotyping but it's what I think).