I remember when I dated my first true girlfriend. I was 19 and she was 18. I was her first and she was my first( first girl, that is). I remember when we finally had sex it felt more like work and lots of concentration compared to how it was with the 2 guys i've been with. I had to do doggy style or I couldn't get off, and I had to picture that I was bent over instead of her. I was sure I was gay up until the point that I actually came, then I was sure I was just confused or something. It's funny how denial works. After that relationship ended I started partying alot and trying to get women into bed. I did that for about 6 months and had sex with like 10 women. So my women to men ratio was like 10:2, so therefore, in my mind, that meant I was straight!! Another thing about my denial I find funny is that ever since I was about 13 I masturbated to gay porn more than straight porn. But I would always have excuses for masturbating to the gay porn and justify my straightness with the fact that I could get off to straight porn. For the past 2 years I have exclusively only used gay porn and STILL have thought I was straight. I am glad to say now, that I am fully aware that I am gay and not denying it to myself. I'm still trying to love myself though and nowhere near being open about my sexuality to others. thanks for letting me rant
Please rant away - feeling isolated and not being to talk about it is often half the problem. And congrats on moving past denial
wow, that is good stuff to know. i don't want to have sex to prove to myself i am straight or normal or good. any advice how to know and accept?
thanks awesomeyodais! I'm glad to have stumbled onto this site. ---------- Post added 23rd Jun 2012 at 09:40 PM ---------- hey Deaf Not Blind, I don't really feel like I could give advice lol. I know that a lot of guys in general like to screw around a lot. Like I said in my OP, I whored around with girls for about 6 months(also with 1 of the 2 guys I mentioned), I found it satisfying if my guy friends knew about these sexual acts, but i realized that I wouldn't do the whoring thing if It was kept to myself, so I quit, because seeking validity through those friends was stupid anyways, because I know they wouldn't accept me as gay, so I left those friends and the women and all...don't know if that helped any, but there ya go lol
yeah, that is good. So if friends won't accept me being who I really am, why try to do stuff they want me to so I will be fake accepted? And don't do things that are stupid to be validated if I am not wanting to do it, cuz it will not make me any happier in the end. I hope you got real friends now who don't care who/what you screw, just like you cuz you are you.
