"But she's too pretty to be gay!"

I hear it all the time, too, unfortunatley. When I first came out to my brothers, they said "oh well at least you'll be one of the pretty lesbians" as if most were ugly. I mean, they were just joking around, but i was still annoyed. Its a stupid stereotype. I just try to ignore it and/or prove the stereotype wrong

 

I've never heard it about myself but I've definitely heard that stereotype before. Some frat guys were next to me and said that all lesbians are ugly or something. They had no idea I was gay or they might try to alter their convo to be less offensive. I don't know why people assume that you have to be ugly to be a lesbian. I'm betting that lesbians are like all other people in levels of attractiveness. I guess they assume that all "pretty" lesbians are straight. It's dumb and I wish that wasn't a stereotype.

 

People who know little to nothing about a group will always try to understand it in the simplest possible terms, and that's where stereotyping comes in. They may have been "informed" by various sources of dubious integrity that gay women are a bunch of stone butches, and for lack of a better understanding of the gay female community as a whole, that's the impression they get.

The more women that come out and make themselves known as LGBT, the closer people in general will be to the realization that the gay female community is as diverse as all humankind. It won't be easy, certainly--erasing stereotypes never has been.

 

Ugh. I hate that.

Femininity and beauty are not the same thing. There are a lot of beautiful butches in the world, and beautiful men, too, regardless of gender expression.

And neither one--femininity nor beauty--determines a person's sexual orientation.

But what really gets me is when I get it from other gay people. Honestly...

 

That's because people have come to the assumption that lesbians are girls who aren't pretty enough to get guys, which I know is completely untrue. And the super pretty and hot girls are usually feminine, which makes it harder to see them as gay because again, the stereotype is that lesbians are butch.

 

The problem with coming out as lesbian these days is the sterotypes that the word 'lesbian' brings to mind. Sadly, the media, fueled by the adult entertainment industry, has decided that lesbians come in only TWO flavours - the manly, butch dyke type that is very masculine & hates men with the fiery passion of a thousand suns bc they could never find a man bc of how masculine they look OR the gorgeous lipstick lesbian who, strangely enough, only dates or sleeps with other lipstick lesbians again, bc of being hurt by men & no longer trusting them. Predictably, the porn industry is responsible for the latter, as well as the concept of a hot lesbian being able to be 'turned' to liking guys again if he's good looking, built with tons of muscles & washboard abs & hung like a horse. Also, the media, & even mainstream tv, has society believing to a certain extent, that hot, gorgeous girls hooking up with each other is acceptable by society's standards, but that the butch looking girls should be ashamed of who they are & that butch lesbians are unacceptable. Speaking as someone who has many gay friends, I know more than a few butch lesbians who are smoking hot as well, which shatters that sterotype all to hell. To a lesser extent, I blame shows like The L Word which, as amazingly good as it is (yes, Im a BIG fan!), it also perpetuates the myth of what lesbians 'should' look like.

As for the whole 'she's too pretty to be gay' thing, it also comes from what I previously said, the misconception & portrayal in the media that has society believing that beautiful gay women arent really gay, they just havent met the right guy yet. This leads many, many people to think, 'Well she's hot, so she probably just hasnt met THAT one guy who turns her on yet, so she THINKS she's gay.' Sorry to break it to ya society in general, but sometimes a girl just likes other girls. Doesnt make her a manhater, it just means she isnt interested. It sounds as if those who know you have been duped by what society has conditioned them to believe really...

 

i hear the same thing its so annoying, people say how im too pretty to be gay and im like, No, i am too goodlooking to be just straight and "normal" lol. go lipstick lesbians! :icon_bigg

 

The times I've actually been caught in the open dressed in my appropriate clothing can be counted on one hand. But they saw me and said 'Oh, that nice librarian seems to be going to return someone's bag.' In regards to the fact I have long brown hair and wear reading glasses makeup, lipstick and nail polish, yet I carry a laptop bag with pins and patches, one of which is pride in large rainbow letters. The idea that women are only attracted to other women because they 'can't get a guy' is repulsive and offensive. Not that I'm saying I look good at all (It's hard to judge yourself objectively), but one of the best friends I ever had was a beautiful and feminine lesbian, and she had to beat the men off with a stick.

 

I HATE THIS PHRASE.

I find it sexist as well as homophobic. Why? Have you ever heard someone say of a gay man 'He's too handsome to be gay'? No? Didn't think so. - This is, I think, because of ideas about women - and how some people just can't get their heads round the idea that they might not want a man.

It's the whole 'all that women want is a good man' crap.

It's as though the default is to like men, and that the only reason a person would not like men is if men rejected them. Men aren't gay because women reject them - yet women are gay because men reject them. I think this is as rooted in ideas about gender as about sexuality.

It does my head in.

---------- Post added 15th Jul 2012 at 11:55 AM ----------

I also think that feminine lesbians are often invisible. - In fact, I think that any gay person, whatever their gender, is often invisible if they're not 'stereotypical'.

For instance - someone might walk past a really attractive woman every day, but because the woman doesn't look stereotypically 'gay' (by which I mean 'dykeish'), they don't clock them as being gay. But then they see someone they think is ugly or looks stereotypically lesbian - well, they might get clocked as 'gay'.

Stereotypes are kind of self-reinforcing in that way.

But the idea that women are lesbians only because they're ugly - or that men don't want them - basically makes them passive in the whole process. Same old same old.

 

That's like saying all gay people can't be pretty! Iv'e never heard it, but now I have. It makes me mad.

 

lol and chapsticks too! the last time i got told that i was like, " and since when did appearance have anything to do with orientation?" they backed off. still, when i walk around with my gay pride button i get some interesting looks... sometimes its hard to tell if theyre disbelief or disgust/disappproval...... :/

 

And that is when you give them the sweetest, most friendly and welcoming smile you can manage, or even wink if you're feeling daring. If they want to offend you, instead give them your warm smiling face, showing that you at least are capable of accepting people who have different viewpoints. This will probably get their panties in a bunch, and it always makes me smile afterwards.

 

My best friend at college is a gorgeous lipstick lesbian who's currently hooking up with a guy on the hockey team because she's bored, having exhausted her immediate social circle in terms of finding someone to have an actual relationship with. I have to say, when she told me she was not completely straight, I was caught off guard.

Maybe I too have been brainwashed by the theory that many lesbians are ugly, but that ideology probably stems from my own self consciousness and not necessarily the outside world.

But yeah--the idea annoys me. My first "girlfriend" was insanely pretty, and I gotta say she is pretty gay.

 

All it comes down to is people cam not except something they don't understand instead of just saying "hey I don't get how people can be attracted to the same sex but oh well not my job to understand , whatever makes them happy." People just can't leave it alone to them there has to be a reason so they make up reasons for them selves to make them selves feel better , although I gotta say as a bisexual I get from support and just live and let live from straight people then gays and lesbians the hatred that I have gotten from the LGBT community really breaks my heart, but this site has been very nice in that sense since there are so many of you here that are bi as well.

 

That was the first thing one of my best friends said when I came out to her. She still doesn't believe me.

A few years ago, a friend was telling me about his lesbian friend, emphasizing how strange it was because she was gorgeous. He also called it a "waste" because she was so beautiful. :rolle:

 

Without the femmes what would the butches do with themselves?! Femmes make the lesbian world go round!

 

If someone told me that I was too pretty to be gay, I think I'd be torn between thanking them for thinking I'm pretty and punching them in the face for the stereotype.

 

Totally agree with that lol.

I hate this saying as well, it really gets under my skin. I agree with a lot fo what others have said and it saddens me that people actually think this about lesbians. I've met a lot of butch lesbians who are very beautiful people. *sigh*

 

Omg that has been said to me so many times and that's what every guy who hits on my girlfriend says to her.

I've heard that one too -_-