Is anyone else like me?

A lot of your description fits me. When I go out it's usually with my family. I have a few friends that have haven't seen in a while and don't feel particularly close to. I had not been very outgoing in the past, but since accepting myself my behavior has changed a little in that I'm going out and interacting with new people.

I also had low confidence, and depending on who I'm with the amount varies. I find I can be much more confident and comfortable when I'm with LGBT groups than I am otherwise. There's just something great about just being who I am with complete acceptance. Sure, I can still be my awkward self, but all in all it's pretty good.

 

I used to be like that. I had a few friends, not many, but I never really saw them outside of school, except on rare occasions. But recently, I've made some new friends who I actually talk to and hang out with, and it's pretty nice to go out. I guess it helped changing my attitude and trying to be a bit more friendly, even though I'm still shy. You could just try going out, even one night, and just talk to people, even if you're uncomfortable. Staying home won't get you anywhere, and you never know who you could meet.

 

Yep, I can relate to allot of that...

* I've always had low self confidence (and add to that also am too shy), its gotten somewhat better over the years...
* I almost never go out, and never been a partier (also never been to a bar/club/etc)
* Most of my spare time is spent on the computer or with family
* I have very few friends...its more so just 'co-workers' & 'neighbors' (and no gay friends)

Sure I wish I could be more outgoing/less shy/etc, but I can't/its not me. Some sorta GLBT group might be kinda cool, but there is nothing near me, and I'd be too uncomfortable to go anyway.

I honestly don't see myself meeting any gay-guy friends simply due to the whole shyness/not-outgoing'ness thing (plus the fact I'm not out and would not risk comind out) .. plus the fact I'd be looking not for sex or even relationships, but more so 'just friends' (at least at first)... just too many factors working against meeting anyone (but "never say 'never' " is still my belief )

 

Yes. That sounds exactly like me for most of my life so far up until recently. And to a degree, I still wonder if maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking I can thrive as a social person.

I've been pretty much a loner. Not going to lie to myself about this one, I'm pretty unapologetic about how much I love video games here. But it's a very solitary hobby and one that is difficult to find peers for.

I also didn't have "friends" so much as I had "friend". I was picked on when I was little, and the resulting attitude just kind of carried on well until the end of high school. I guess I didn't like myself for that, so I went about thinking that any kindness people showed towards me wasn't genuine. After all, who would possibly be nice to me? So when all somebody did was invite me to hang out with him for a while, I just kind of clung to that. In retrospect, I must've been very annoying to him at times.

I think it was maybe 2 years ago that I made the conscious decision that I didn't want the rest of my life to be me going home after work and engaging in solitary hobbies. So, as silly as it sounds, I went about looking on the internet for local groups that went out to do things. I did find one and have met some casual friends through it.

As for gay groups, I actually found that through the internet too. I really wanted to enjoy playing video games with other people. Unfortunately, those kind of get-togethers only seem to happen in the city. And I'm not going all the way to the city just to play video games with people. Instead, there was apparently a board gamers group nearby...for LGBT people...in a gay bar. I just kind of thought to myself, "Games are games" and just decided to go for it.

Turns out "Games are not just games" and I really suck at board games. All the same, people in the gay bar turned out to be very welcoming actually. They do joke about sex a lot, which sometimes makes me uncomfortable because I'm a very reserved person. But they're pretty cool people. And board games are fun. Even if I do suck at them. There are even 2 straight couples who come to the LGBT game night. The lengths people will go to get their game on...

Sorry that turned into a long story. But it is actually something that has been weighing on my mind lately. Like I said, being a social person is not something that comes naturally to me. Other people make it look so easy. It's something I have to consciously work at. My natural inclination is still to just go home after work and mope about how hard work was today. And I can't promise everybody else will have such a good experience from trying to go down the same route. But I think most people will be pleasantly surprised if they take a risk of putting themselves out there.

 

Yeah I can definitely relate. I've always struggled with low self-esteem and I used to be very shy. I've gotten better with my shyness in recent years. I still like to stay home a lot but I got a little more social during the last year of university. You could try hanging out with friends who enjoy playing games because then you'd meet on common grounds.

 

Don't worry you are not alone. I have always been a shy person. I think I tend to seem standoffish because I am so quiet. I have been like this since high school and let all of my friends drift away because I let my lack of self-esteem consume me. I find that the older I get I am slowly gaining confidence in myself and becoming more comfortable talking to strangers. I still stay at home a lot. Like the post above me said take baby steps. That is what I am doing. I have decided that I will attempt to try new things even if I have to do them by myself at first. I found a good therapist and have adopted a new optimistic outlook on life. Don't lose hope. I know I am going to meet someone and so will you.

 

My first visit at the therapist almost went terribly wrong because of how I acted My therapist then said that she is not surprised that I don't have many friends because of the first impression that I make.

When it comes to being sociable, I usually prefer staying in my room, I don't know why.
I find it hard to actually be friend with someone for a longer period of time, from my primary school, which ended just 4 years ago, I only have two friends left and I wouldn't say that I have much more than what, 5 or 6 friends.
If I go out, I usually go alone or with one of those few friends sometimes (but they mostly live in other cities) and it gets hard to see people on the street, couples and everyone...

But as Lyn said, you should not lose hope. I think one day you will find someone who will love you exactly the way you are!

 

Thank you for saying this. I'm exactly the same way, I thought I was the only one.

 

This is me. minus the games. I'd rather be outside. I walk alone in the woods. I don't care to be around ppl and hate large groups. Even small groups rly. Just groups in general. I'm rly rly rly not a ppl-person. But, I loove talking to ppl on EC. wierd.

 

I know you are not alone, I am not that person but I find myself only dating that type of people.

I am really big into my family relationships, I have only a couple close friends (even with me being social) However the "friends" i have made when going to partys were always in a blink of an eye.

I was big into games and found myself wanting to connect with people online more than IRL. I have had relationships online... and i find that the emotional connection you can obtain online is more intense than someone you connect with physically. But you can also get more hurt... i just got out of a 5 year relationship with someone I have lived with. I find myself still more hurt about the online relationship than him.

but I am a firm beliver that there is someone out there for all of us!

 

Your description fits me rather well, to be honest.

I mean, I have a decent circle of friends with whom I can be completely myself, but I see them pretty irregularly, which is mostly due to the fact that I am a complete homebody. I like being with my family (I'm from a pretty big family of eight!) and staying inside, and in many ways, I'm constantly around people. So, my natural reaction is to withdraw a little so that I have some sort of time for myself because I like the buzzing of my own vapid thoughts and the personal comfort of being a loner.

I have noticed, though, that I am becoming a lot more...antisocial—by choice, of course! I have a hard time tolerating being around a lot of people, which never used to be the case at all, and at times, I become noticeably aggravated. For example, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine about a week ago; as soon as we arrived at the restaurant, I already wanted to leave! :lol: Even in the case of EC, I've been a member for three years now (give or take a few months), but I just have a hard time wanting to be a social person. Whether it is in real life or cyberspace, t really is not in my personality to do that very often.

And meeting people is a difficult task, but it is not so much because I am a loner and reserved; I attribute it to the fact that I—for some inexplicable reason—tend to not go out of my way to meet others, and that I am extremely uninterested in meeting people whom I will probably never see again. I think the one way to be comfortable with being outgoing is to go about your day with a good attitude and to approach people with a sort of warmth; because even if you're introverted and reserved, a positive attitude gives us a magnetism of which we are not aware, and it can really attract people toward us!

 

I also have issues with social confidence. Very few real friends and most of them have moved away. All my friends are straight males so i don't feel comfortable talking to them about much in fear of giving myself away. I don't go out with friends often normally on the PS3 or watching anime etc. I have high hopes for the future maybe next year, uni or work i intend to at least try and become more social.

 

You remind me of myself at 22.

confidence is something you build over time, experience is a huge factor. You're still young and learning who you are and how the world works. From the ages of 10-20 video games were my main friends.

I'm still not big on the huge party scene. I'd rather spend the night with a few friends and play some D&D or Mario Party then go out to some loud, crowded club where every horny jerk-hole is looking to stick it in you for the night.

Here is the thing about growing up. When your a kid you want to fit in you want to be accepted, but once you grow up everyone wants to stand out, but they get stuck in those "safe" social ways they picked up as a kid and have to unlearn them.

Trust me your better off being the odd ball as youngin' it'll make you a better adult

 

Yep, you pretty much described my life in a nutshell.

 

You are definitely not alone I'm the same way. I've actually been likened to a hermit before because I prefer to stay in and read/game/watch movies etc. I have a few close friends but only 2 of which actually live in the same town as me and they are a couple so the times we do get to hang out aren't frequent. I'm way more comfortable staying in and am also scared that by being hermity I wont find someone. The idea someone mentioned about maybe finding a LGBT gaming group or a LGBT group for something you are interested in sounds like good advice though. I think I'm going to try looking in my area to see if there is anything like that here.