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How you deal with gender stereotyping

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Pilgrim is hot, Jul 2, 2012.

  1. Pilgrim is hot

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    Hi all

    Just thought I would ask you all how you deal with people who don't like it when you
    don't conform to gender stereotypes (think I worded that right.)

    You see since I can remember I have always tried to be very masculine to the point where I hid a lot of who I really am. Now I am starting to accept myself I am letting some of my more feminine side show, see the thing I have noticed though is that some people REALLY don't like this, I don't know if they don't like me being who I really am or if they are threatened by people not conforming to how they see the world.

    Anyways does anyone else have any stories of this and also how do you deal with people like this?
     
  2. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    They way I deal with it is by surrounding myself with people who really don't care one way or another. My core group of friends are also super liberal so everyone just sort of does and accepts whatever. I have one friend who is straight, has a girlfriend, but gets confused for gay more than me.

    But I think the main thing is to focus on yourself before you focus on others. You are going to have to be okay with letting yourself be more "feminine" so others can accept it. Even though, as you say, they might say things here or there. Never excuse or explain yourself though. Just be you and they will catch on.

    My sis and my mom are usually the people who comment if I too "gay" as they like to say, but I just smile to them and they have to suck it up. Its not that they don't want me to be myself, but people are usually not used to people who don't conform to their gender roles. Its all an unconscious reaction to it really so try to not take it personally :slight_smile:
     
  3. Gen

    Gen
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    By not caring :/.

    The pressure on gender etiquette has always been the sorce of gender inequality in history and is relatively non-existant in ANY other species other than humans. Actually naturally its the opposite as women are usually the protectors and providers :/. Even before realizing I was gay, I always argued with people who sought to teach me how to be or act like a man in the world. It wasnt that I was feminine, it was just the run of the muck "Being A Man" stuff. People spend to much time trying to be something that they are not just to blend into the mold of society. It is far from a LGBT thing, because straight men deal with it more in a sense. Unable to show the emotion, Unable to show the slightest femininity, unable to be themselves. Being in a relationship with ANOTHER person, having kids with ANOTHER person, solely having to be there for your entire family in sadness, yet not allowed to shed tears yourself.

    Did you know that in nature, the men are more emotional, and compared to modern society, feminite than women? Of course not because society teachs us otherwise. Its funny because I've had a small doxin dog and when she was put in the garage or her cage, she would just barks for hours. My friend puts her small german sheperd in either one of those and he wimpers :frowning2: lol. The whole ideal of acting a certain way because of your gender is pure myth, mentally humans are much more "nuetral" than we would like to admit.
     
  4. EllieSong

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    I've never really cared. I've always loved playing with cars (well, and barbies xD), I like sports, I am not organized and messy, I don't really care how I look and all the things like that.

    I mostly have friends who are also 'different' or we know each other since we were little and it seems normal to them that I am like I am.
    My mum sometimes said to me that my room should be clean 'cause I'm a girl or something like that but I don't really care :slight_smile:
     
  5. timo

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    Very well said.
    Being yourself and doing/acting/wearing/... what you like is so much more important than comforming to people's opinions and expectations.

    I started wearing super skinny jeans a few years back (before I knew I was gay even though this doesn't matter), which of course isn't super masculine. At first people were like "hahaha what the fuck are you wearing" or were staring on the streets, and I must admit it did get to me in the beginning. Now people still stare but at one point you get used to it and just stop caring about other's opinions. And this really is the best option. You could change yourself to make them feel comfortable, or you could do what YOU want, even if it doesn't conform to your gender.
     
  6. Deaf Not Blind

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    in America, we are suffering with media forcing men and women boys and girls to conform to an impossible stereotype: be like John Wayne be rough and swagger and spit, or Barbie be blond and busty and stupid.

    I am a real man, okay! But I was a man when I was closeted and wore a dress, I just felt like I was in drag. I am a man when I drink tea, or bake a cake for somebody's birthday. A man is in his heart and mind, not what clothing color or shape he has on...that is society's norms not what makes you male. Same thing for you women, do not feel a need to pluck and diet and wear a push up bra, I find you more lovely when you are not painted up and fake like a clown Barbie doll and just the real you.
    When others, usually not friends, compare and complain we are not conforming, they are in the trap thinking they must buy products and obey advertising to fit in and are uncomfy with you being real. Keep up the irritations! BE YOU! God made you this way, and He is proud of you when you are a decent human being not a blind fool following the herd. Be unique and be a real somebody. I respect that.
     
  7. Owen

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    While I agree with most of the posters in this thread that gender norms are largely a social construct, oftentimes, just knowing that isn't enough to escape their grasp. Currency is a social construct, too (what's really valuable about a piece of paper?), but that doesn't mean I could walk into a bank and say, "Excuse me, teller, since currency is just a social construct and all, how about you just give me a bunch of those pieces of green paper in your drawer? The government can always print more for you. Any with the numbers 20, 50, or 100 on them will do." Likewise, I wouldn't expect you to read that gender norms are a social construct and immediately react with, "Oh, of course! I'll just start totally disregarding them now."

    It's certainly possible to reach a point where that can be you attitude; that's where I am now. But realizing that gender norms are artificial is one step on the way there; it isn't the entire staircase. Like others in this thread have suggested, developing a healthy amount of apathy towards strangers' thoughts on me and surrounding myself with friends who accept me as I am were big parts of my journey.

    One of the final steps, though, was learning to take something positive from the reactions of people who don't like how I present myself. Haters gonna hate, as they say, so I can either be discouraged by their opinion or turn it into encouragement to keep doing what I do. Because the more often closed-minded people see people not conforming to gender norms, the more tolerant they'll become when they realize that hating on gender non-conformists is a losing battle (at least, that's how it works in my optimistic world-view). Plus, sometimes it's just fun to get people to stare. :slight_smile:

    I think it's absolutely the latter, that they don't react positively to their world-view being threatened. If being yourself meant acting in a typically masculine way that did fall in line with their idea of gender roles, do you think they'd take issue with you being yourself then? Probably not. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Zontar

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    Everyone gets all pissy-eyed for some reason once you start deviating from gender norms. Doesn't make any sense at all. Tell 'em to screw off and present & act the way you want to. There's a real beautiful element to androgyny that's been secretly respected for thousands of years.
     
  9. Deaf Not Blind

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    yeah when my grandad died was told i was not allowedto cry i was 8. my uncles feared id upset gramma. morons.
     
  10. Gen

    Gen
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    This is what I'm talking about. People need to cry to let out stored up emotions. We have tear ducts for a reason!! I'm sorry they felt that way :frowning2:
     
  11. Vernox

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    I'm not sure how to respond; I guess I've never had any issues with gender roles. Not because I fit the mold perfectly, but rather I just haven't given a fuck for anyone who's boggled by my apathy for sports and mechanics and other manly shit.
     
  12. Deaf Not Blind

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    Thanks. Unfortunately, it messed me up kinda. I remmy telling gramma what they said, that I guess I was too old to cry...(and must be a man thing...which as I was the baby of the family I don't get)...and she said go ahead and cry now, and I tried but couldn't. It kinda dried me up inside. :/ Do you know what I mean? When people are in hospital or we are at a funeral either I don't have any idea what to feel or I joke and try to get people to laugh like it is time to make everybody stop being sad. That can be a good thing, cheering everybody up, but I feel somehow strange that I do not cry at wedding or funeral or stuff.
    What reallllly bothers me is I leak over STUPID stuff! Embarrass myself, that I will feel unable to stop welling up talking about my painful past to people I get close to, and I did in front of my teacher! Thank God we were alone, but I bet he does think I am over emotional now. I think it is awful when I feel a shunning or deep pain brought out because how a coworker or family member acts similar to my past childhood pain and I start leaking like a baby, just pours out, in front of a person with power over me like a boss or teacher or one of those evil uncles. :frowning2: If it were only at home in private it would be fine thing, but this I want to stop. I don't know how to. What a mess up.

    But I was told my grandad he cried when his sister died she was in her 50s no kids and got lung cancer we think from the shipyards as she worked on them during WWII, asbestos. See, a good man, who respected kids and women, and didn't pick fights, was peaceful but firm, he cried in front of his wife when his parents and siblings died. So if my good role models can, Jesus and my DAD, then I can too, right?
     
    #12 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2012
  13. iBlakexo

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    "Why do you keep shaving your legs? You're a boy!"
    "You need to stop painting your nails, your a boy for god's sake!"
    "Why the f*** did you dye your hair again?! you're a boy!"
    -My Mother

    I have just learnt to ignore it. I figure since you only get one life wouldn't it be better to live it the way you want to and not how society would prefer you to?