Its nice feeling to like someone. all those who have fallen for someone know how different and sweet it feels to think of the positive possibilities. generally a man starts developing this feeling of attraction since the beginning of his teen years. it is this age when he starts discovering the gifts of God that has no price tags. its natural for him to feel attracted to other people and praise their beauty. 'Girls' are the topic of discussion for straight man and 'Boys' for straight women. they stare, flirt openly with their crush, approach them, either get rejected or accepted. either ways they move to some other person later in life and so on. Their parents are so proud and happy when they get to know about their grown up kids going to date. then as their age passes, they discover another treasure and they fall in Love. nothing can be as beautiful and as fulfilling as love. the feeling of love and being loved is unmatchable, and these people on getting their love of life have a huge announcement and huge celebration to let the entire world know that they found their love. God blesses them, their parents bless them, society bless them for happy life. later they have kids, extra-marital affairs, divorces, heartbreaks which are painful but very well acceptable. anyhow they find some other person as their love of life and in some cases they marry along with their kids. but all these are acceptable, these people have no right to worry, full respect for them. Now comes another bunch of people who are in minority according to statistics (which i ridicule, a lot of Gays/Bis are afraid to accept themselves and consider themselves to be straight and lead a painful life). A man belonging to this group has same feeling as straight man. until first 10-12 years of his life, he is as happy and innocent as his straight friend, when he has no feeling of attraction. His parents, society, movies, all are shouting in one or the other way that he is supposed to like a Girl. but problem starts when he experience the curse of God while entering his teen years. He too has a crush like his straight friend but his crush is a guy and not a girl. he cannot talk about guys in front of everyone like his straight friends do, he cannot stare at them, he cannot flirt with them, he cannot approach them, he cannot tell his parents. what he can do is suppress his feelings and go into depression. next few years of his life are spent in dealing with his true self. he becomes a loner, spends most of the time alone and develops a victim feeling which remains till the end of his life.(at this point he can even suicide) later he comes to term with who he is and wants to have a love in his life. He cannot tell anything about himself to anyone, he doesn't want to embarrass himself and his parents. so he starts hunting for a boy friend secretly. out of hundreds of guy in his college, he cannot get a single one. Either they are straight or they are straight pretending. approaching straights is waste of time and approaching straight pretending is of no use. these straight pretending give advances to this guy, they behave as if they too are interested in him, they flirt, hug this guy and stare a lot but the moment he asks them out they simply refused "dude, what gave you Idea that I am a fagot ?? " so the only possibility left with this poor guy is to search online, where he finds sex-seekers. now two possibilities arises- 1) he is from a western country 2) he is not from a western country 1) He is from a western country he then goes to Gay club in his city and meets several people who he either likes or is disgusted by them. in either case chances of him being addicted to drugs/alcohol is high. and he too becomes sex seeker for a while. after few years, he again starts feeling lonely and this time with more intensity. he wants to find a true love and settle down with him. if he doesn't find love of his life, he will keep moving in the viscous circle, of loneliness, depression, drugs/alcohol, lots of sex, loneliness....so on. and if he finds a love of his life then no one is as lucky as him. he will most probably marry that person, society may eventually accept him and his partner, and he may adopt kids. his family will be complete. he will experience a joy which majority of people like him can stake anything to get. 2) He is not from a western country finding a Gay club is not that easy in these countries. and in these country handful of the people accept themselves as what they are and are ready to have a relationship with other man and these handful people are not the one a masculine gay looks for. no offence to them but they are more suited for themselves but not for this guy. like straights have right to chose their partners, gays should too. why is it assumed that gay needs just someone to be gay. just because gays have very few options doesn't mean he should settle for any person who is gay. it is very painful and its a feeling of helplessness. this guy feels same and he loses his hope in god, life. he cannot tell anything to his parents, friends. his country do not accept such kind of people and his parents will trow him out of their house and their life if they find out this. this guy have several crushes and love as he grows up but can't do a thing about it. he is over 20 and still virgin. his desire to have sex and love has been again and again suppressed and he devotes all his life to his parents. then comes the pressure to marry a girl. this already tortured guy gets two options either to get marry or remain bachelor---> he doesn't want to marry a girl but he does and do injustice to himself and his wife and soon somehow he starts developing feeling for man way strongly than before. poor guy cannot tell his wife and finds out reason to give her divorce. after divorce he goes into extreme depression (he can suicide as swell) and search for guys online to have sex. his rest of life is spent like this. at the age of 50 to 60 you will find this guy either divorcee looking for teens for sex or married looking for teens for sex.----> he remains bachelor and he later starts looking for sex partners and may eventually end up getting a love of his life but they both are closeted and can't marry and so they spend rest of their life secretly meeting each other. being bachelor its natural for the society to think something is wrong with him and why is he so close to that guy which eventually make one of them pressurized and leave the relationship . this guy now ends up seeking for sex dates at the age of 50 to 60. Its so difficult to live a gay life whether in western or non-western country, more so in non-western country. sex, love is something which all of us need and ask any straight people if they can imagine their life without love. but gays have to spend their life in suffering, pain and as if they are doing some crime. gays cannot even appreciate the beauty for other guy or stare at them. i dont know when this will end. unless all homos of the world gather courage to come out nothing will change. i know millions of homos are in extreme closet that they even dont accept the fact that they are homos. unless we stand for ourselves, life will remain a Hell. ---------- Post added 3rd Jul 2012 at 02:06 AM ---------- excuse my English. I am from a non-western country
You know I am too from an non western country or rather politically correct, 3rd world country. Civilisation in these countries are much, much more homophobic, back watered old school so the idea of gay and lesbians is simply something evil (as they have been told by their parents and so on) So finding gay clubs is a very difficult and sometimes dangerous thing to do. Some countries execute people for being anything other than hetrosexual, where other countries lock up these people, and others still abuse them (whether it's as a sex slave, or beaten to near death). HIV/AIDS is rive in 3rd world countries. There are various number of reasons for this. In Africa, the black African people view the condom as a white man's tool to curb their numbers, so it's very rare to find one of these guys to use a condom. Some believe that if you contracted the virus to have sex with a virgin boy or girl preferably aged anything up to 14 years, so seeing in the newspapers that a kid was raped by 8 people at the same time isn't that uncommon in the African news. Many believe that their shagomas (witch doctor or traditional doctors) can cure AIDS or HIV with other methods, some involving the killing of other people to get a needed ingredients. This is where the Albino population is very scared off, since these Shagomas view the albino body parts a very powerful potent component in their spells or rituals or which ever. The few that are openly gay are usually sluts and sleep with the entire town and if possible at the same time. (Sorry if this sounded a bit racist, but this is true.) So finding the right guy is very difficult in Africa. Finding one with the right morals and believes is almost impossible. They never really hang out in clubs or theiy are not really out of the closets, since being scared of the above reasons.
I agree with a lot of your points, I hope one day everyone can open their hearts and minds and start accepting people for who they really are. I read a post more recently about how often you think about your sexuality. For most people on EC I think its quite often. Mostly about who they can tell, who would accept it and who they can find to share it with. Unfortunately even when you can get enough courage to tell everyone... You know some people will judge. So do you remain in secret? For me explaining I am bi gets to be more difficult, people see me dating men... If I were to date a woman then back to a man would I just be confused? It's hard for people to accept I'm truly attracted to both men and women. I'm not confused... However I live in a state with a high LDS population... Everything is looked down on in their eyes if its not apart if "their book". And this affects the population. Business won't open on Sunday's or they would loose a lot of their customer base. Open a hookah bar and people will become enraged and pass Utah laws to close then down. Kiss your partner in down town salt lake city and they will throw you off the property. Dress down and show more than you should in one of their malls (it takes up blocks of downtown) and you will be kicked off the property. Etc... However Utah has one of the highest gay's per capita in the Western United States. I hope it starts to become the norm to see two partners walking the street holding hands. Because oh goodness that is a sign if affection, and this city enraged if their children see someone expressing love and devotion. (If its from gay people). Hard life :-(
The situation is very bad in many places of the world for LGBT people. That's no doubt. I agree with a lot of your points. Being gay is difficult, and at a lot of times, more difficult than being straight. However, I do feel like the world as a whole is moving forward. Where I live (Connecticut), being gay is pretty much accepted and no one really cares. Of course there are a few hateful people, but they are far in the minority. One of my biggest issues, personally, is the lack of openly gay people. It's hard as an underage child to find other gay people. I can only hope that it'll be easier with time. Everyone always seems to point to College, so I'll be looking forward to that.
Time heals all wounds. (Well... most of them anyways. But this is one of them.) Attitudes are changing at a rapid rate in many places around the world. More and more people are coming out. It's becoming more and more normalized. Althought I feel like an absolute bitch for saying that, since I'm sitting here in comfortable and gay-friendly Canada. I can't even imagine how horrible it must be in some places right now. Humanity can be so disgusting.
wow. well written thread. it broke my heart. God loves all his creation. But I feel a curse too. I keep asking WHY? I want to be happy like my friends. They keep trying to get me to flirt and get a bf. Im dressed as a man wearing a binder and all the women friends still keep saying I'm gonna get a bf! not unless he is gay! I'm a man stupid! i like you girls! even a girl i have a spark for, she thinks i will get a bf soon, in college or vegas. i am so miserable, i never have had a 1st kiss, i can't! it is wrong! if only i were male bodied, i could ask a girl out. a straight girl. please help me! nobody can see me...im in here!
Well, I live in Brazil, which nowadays is kinda open for LGBT people, but still in the society theres too many discrimination, like often in big cities gay people are beaten up/killed! And here, the idea of being gay is the same as being promiscuous, like if you're gay, You will want to have sex with any guy you just met. Which is a human thing not a gay thing, if a hetero man f*cks 10 girls in one night, he's being viewed as gr8 man, but if a gay does that, he's seen as a prostitute, and they take this image to all gays! So here in Brazil it is more open than other places but, still the society as whole discriminates us! And yeah, if we go to hell I bet its way better than what we live now!
Yeah, there are a ton of hardship that people have to go through and if you live in a non-western country then things can get really ugly really fast. That being said, the options you gave are not the only options out there. We are not destined to a future of suffering and unhappiness. If you are from a western country then you have WAAAY more options than just hanging around clubs, doing drugs and having sex. Most people actually tend to avoid all of that and be able to live fulfilling lives. Even if they are in the closet and hiding. Not to mention that things are slowly getting better each day. Not saying its perfect, but there are option that don't involve being depressed and doing drugs. Granted if you live in a non-western country then its harder, but a lot of countries right now are giving asylum to people from countries where they are being persecuted. While its not ideal, you can get out of there. I know its not that easy, and I'm sorry that you are feeling such despair right now, but there is still hope for everyone out there. Things will completely change one day (*hug*)
