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masculinity and femininity

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MathMan, Jul 3, 2012.

  1. MathMan

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    I've been seriously searching myself for the past 2 months, and I've been reading and learning a lot about sexuality and how being gay doesn't mean you can't be masculine as well, and this gave me hope. Because I've always knew deep down that I was different, that I was gay. I've come to mostly accept that and am okay with it, what I'm still coming to understand and accept is the fact that I AM NOT a masculine person. I think IF I was straight, then coming to terms with how feminine I am would still be just as difficult. In fact, I think If I had a choice, I would be gay any day before I would be as non-masculine as I am. But that's just it, I'm gay AND non-masculine. When I think of being like(non-masculine) this I can only think of how that term sounds, without masculinity, like I'm just less of a person then my fellow man and that makes me very sad and feel worthless.

    I believe instead of saying the term masculine, I could maybe instead say, without femininity, which would suggest that masculinity can be lacking as well and if I am indeed feminine then I have certain things within my character that these macho men do not have. To tell you the truth, I kind of just stumbled on this when I typed this out. Maybe I need to surround myself with like-minded people instead of the people I have around me at the moment. thanks for letting me share.
     
  2. King

    King Guest

    I spend a lot of time thinking about masculinity and femininity in relation to sexual orientation. Especially in myself. It's very difficult to explain fully, so I won't try, but I'll say that I'm not very feminine, but I'm hardly masculine in the least. I don't think it's that easy, just masculine or feminine, I think there's shades of grey in-between the two.
    And I certainly sympathize with feeling less than. When I'm around other boys... I feel inferior. Like I'm not as strong as they are.
    Oh well. No point wishing I was something I'm not.

    King x
     
  3. Friendly ghost

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    I know what you mean. I have never been very masculine, but I always could be one of the guys. When I came out I started accepting the feminine side in me, which was pushed away for quite awhile. Personally I don't think any of it really matters. The ideals in society are what seperate us and make some people feel inferior, and its usually a majority.

    I don't like football, or any televised sport for that matter (although I was oddly fascinated by the woman grunting playing tennis on tv, lol), I love to read, I love dressing up, I love cuddling, I talk naturally, which comes out kind of masculine, but these are just parts of me. None make me more or less of a 'man'. It's all these small things together that make me who I am. I can change what I do with who I am, but I really can't change who I am.

    So I change the oil on my car while listening to katy perry or whoever else. I go to the gym to work out and play with my hair and put on underwear thats not colored so manly. I can walk in heels better then a lot of my female friends, but I also have boots that have been through more then any of them combined. Most people get along with me, and some actually like me. For the ones that don't, I don't have time for them. I can only be me, and I can only find happiness in loving and being myself and sharing that compassion with others. The latter comes from the heart so much easier if you can grasp the former.

    Just a lot of nonsense I know, sorry its so long. There are a lot of things that make us who we are, but there is never a single thing that defines us. If you are comfortable with having a dick and you don't want to get rid of it, then you are as much of a man as anyone. You are a human first, not a gorrilla trying to be the alpha male.
     
  4. Level75

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    If you sit down to think about it a little, what people define as masculine and feminine don't really hold up to scrutiny. It's supposed to be desirable for men to be masculine and women to be feminine. But some people might consider having a good work ethic, as opposed to be a whiner, to be very masculine. Yet it also desirable for women to be hard working.

    Perhaps more concrete, women wear dresses and men don't. But what is a dress but cloth cut a certain way? People weren't born with clothes on, no matter what their sex. Ditto for all the little details, like whether you like sports or not, or what kind of music you like to listen to. If someone thinks you are of less worth because you don't like football, that person's critical thinking skills need to suck less.

    I used to avoid and even feel repulsed by feminine gay guys. I stopped because I examined my own feelings about them. And the only conclusion I could really come to was that my feelings of revulsion had absolutely no logical rationale behind them.

    Lately, I've been spending some time with a few of them because of shared interests. Lo and behold, they were pretty cool to be around actually. They work hard. They play hard. They are ambitious. And they're very accepting of others and like to get along. And these traits are desirable in just about anybody. Not because these are somehow masculine or feminine. Sure, a few of them have some habits that annoy me, like how they occasionally sing along to Britney Spears songs. But eh, if that's really the worst thing they can possibly do, I think I can take that in stride. I'd be a damn fool if I didn't admit I have my own annoying traits that others take in stride.

    For example, my failure at brevity!

    tl;dr I guess what I mean is that what most people consider to be "masculine" or "feminine" are such a poor way to see the worth of somebody, they're irrelevant. It's really the values that count. And values don't have a gender.
     
  5. Deaf Not Blind

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    ^ Agreed. I don't have my dick,. :'( But I am still a guy inside. I know it in my heart, in my soul, in my mind. Even when God speaks to me, he shows me my calling in maleness, I am like Abraham, and David, and Moses...how I am supposed to help freeing my fellow deaf from oppressiveness of 135 years. I look honestly back at my past, growing up, and I see I lost out on a lot because my mom didn't know just how much sports meant to me, and how much I needed good male real life role models.

    But although I can point to how I think, what I do, what talents I have, etc...I can find things that are femalish. Now that I am out to myself, a lot out to myself, I don't want to be too female because I don't want thought of as one of them. But I refuse to ACT male! Yeah, I was ACTING female all these years and it was too hard on me. Why on earth do some trans sites not just tell you what males stereotypically do, they TELL ya to practice stuff or you will not "pass?" It is like an order, you want to be male, you say you want T and surgery, well then begin to swear and curse, and spread your legs wide to take up more space on the bus, and practice talking a certain way...etc. BULLSHIT! (excuse me!)

    If you are a man, you are a man! period! (okay, no more period please) but you know it is MEDIA that tells you be like John Wayne, and even he was not that way! (he hated horses) So my grandad was male. He was straight male. He was not into roughhousing or hitting, but he would happily arm wrestle me sometimes he would win. :slight_smile: Best dad in the world. He would be gentle, respectful, civil. He did not drink, curse, smoke, do drugs, play poker, or start fights. He was all man. full of love.

    Are you full of love? Do you respect men and women and little kids as equally human? Do you try to help others and keep your word? Do you live your life as a good example not preach at people that they are doing it all wrong? If so, then if you are a man, you are a man.
     
  6. Sherri

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    Very well-said. More people should realize that traits are only "masculine" or "feminine" because somebody else said so, and that this somebody else isn't necessarily right.

    I tend to accept things as they are, and yet, I fall between the cracks of masculine and feminine as well. I'm a girl who isn't too interested in being dressed up or wearing makeup. I don't like "feminine" things much, but neither do I like "masculine" things, so what does that make me? Honestly, if I had to tell you what I think I really am, my answer would be: Boring :lol:.

    Putting labels on the world around you can be useful in quickly figuring things out, but far too many people allow it to limit them instead of using it to really help. Deciding that certain traits only rightfully go with a certain gender is one example of those limits.