Gay guys who "refuse" flamboyant/feminine gays...

I see dating profiles as I see YouTube comments- bottom-of-the-barrel reading material.

 

Flamers are hot.

 

I can understand. I know one really flamboyant gay. He gets on my nerves, mostly because he stirs up lots of drama like some of the girls he hangs out with. But I'm willing to listen to flamers or feminine guys.

 

I'm willing to listen and talk to flamboyant boys but I wouldn't want to date one. It's just not my cup of tea.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. They deserve to be accepted as anybody else. They can be pretty awesome when you get to know them too!

 

As a "straight-acting" gay man, I will admit that I am not too fond of gay men who are overly flamboyant or extremely feminine, but I don't hate them and have got on with plenty of men who are like that. Ultimately it's their personality, so it would be unfair to call them out for it.

Of course, the part of the gay community that tries to shun the stereotypical gay members could potentially have internalised homophobia or (more likely) worry about how "flamers" will make the other person feel and potentially worry more about coming out. It's hypocritical and rather shallow, but I will admit to feeling this kind of thing every so often.

 

This.

I have no problem with flamboyant gay guys. People are complex and have more to them than their extent of femininity. HOWEVER, we should still be allowed to choose who we surround ourselves with based on how they act and present themselves. If over-flamboyance makes someone uncomfortable, they should be allowed to choose to not surround themselves with that type, right? As long as they're not hurtful about it of course.

Basically what I'm saying, is that not everyone has to like each other. Two of my female friends aren't super close with each other because one is the stereotypically ditzy girlywirly and the other is a straight-up geek. So, they're not extremely close. I never looked at that as being 'unfair'...

---------- Post added 9th Jul 2012 at 12:16 PM ----------

(The discomfort I'm referring to is the point made in Just Passing's post)

 

If somebody decides to cut off a huge section of the dating pool, whether because he really isn't into that group of people, or because he has hang-ups about them, that's his call. And that's true no matter what group that is. If he doesn't want to date anybody who isn't at least nine inches soft, he can totally refuse anybody who doesn't meet that criterion.

Of course, he can choose how he wants to go about making this qualification known. He can say "I only date guys whose cocks are at least nine inches flaccid, so please don't respond unless you fit the bill." Or he can say "If you're under nine inches soft, keep that tiny meat in your pants, and your underdeveloped self far from my face." One is polite, one isn't. One will probably get him angry responses, and one is less likely to. But then again, some guys with more average sized packages might be tempted to respond to the first guy, thinking "Well, maybe I can convince him to give me a shot." The second one, not so much.

Lex

 

I've never really had the chance to get to know any flamboyant/feminine gay men. Perhaps I might be a bit uncomfortable at this time as I'm still coming to terms with my sexuality, not being a particularly social person and that it's very different from my own personality [not particularly masculine, but still a 'culture shock' all the same.] However, I see no reason to refuse to speak to anyone perceived as such and agree that it's extremely disappointing to hear about this sort of disassociation within the community.

 

I absolutely hate it when anybody is put down because of who they are or what they like. Everyone is worth the chance to get to know. Yes, not all personalities may mix well, but respect is something everyone can afford to give. One of my good friends is flamboyant. And he's one of the sweetest people I'll ever meet. He also has an impeccable gaydar (he honed in on me as soon as I met him - but that's another story :lol:.) I honestly wish everyone could just be themselves. Do what you do best: you. Sorry, rant over.

 

Right on. Gay dating sites also happen to be bastions of alarming racism. "White guys only", or a combination of skin-color chauvinism with a marked aversion to femininity: "White masc gays only.".


lol, funny but sad. :lol:

 

Almost always, the kind of guys who demand this type are amazingly boring airheads.

 

Or hyper-aggressive, with major anger management issues. :/

 

I kinda touched on this in my other thread in S&A, but for me I don't think it's necessarily the flamboyancy and femininity that bother me. Yeah, to some extent it makes me a little uncomfortable, but I certainly wouldn't avoid them because of it; it'd just take some getting used to.

For me, I think it's that "bitchy and gossipy" (to quote myself from before) behaviour that irritates me, and I don't think it's limited to just stereotypical gay guys. It's just that that behaviour seems to be common in flamboyant and feminine people (or vice-versa) so unfortunately they get associated a bit. If that makes any sense.

 

I only fell for one guy who could be considered flamboyant. But he had a reckless rebellious bad boy side that by far made up for it in my eyes and his flamboyancy became kind of cute.

HOWEVER with that said I don't usually fall for this type. Just their personality doesn't really correlate that much with my own. When I'm with a dude, I want a guy. When I'm with a chick, I want a chick. Just how I am, nothing against anyone with that.

 

Is the exclusive behaviour encouraged? Probably not...

But exclusive association is actually more common than you think it is. How many of you would date 89 year olds? Probably not many right? But then again, we can all be nice and polite by not explicitly saying: "No Oldies please". Even in the realm of friendship, some of my liberal friends don't even talk to you if you vote for conservatives...

Though another part of the argument is that being explicit on dating sites makes it a more efficient process. I for one like when others do it. Helps me filter... lol

 

I could play devils advocate here...I've tried to date flamboyant or feminine guys...I really did...it's just...they are boring to me...they always talk about things I don't understand and shows I don't care about...and I'm generally a very calm person...and they are so emotional ..it just makes me uncomfortable....if I meet a flaming guy who atleats had some stuff in common with me maybe...but why do I get labeled a bad person for not wanting to date a person that I don't enjoy spending time with...if that's who they are then I'm happy for them...but I just want a boyfriend I can cuddle up on the couch with and watch a panther's game while drinking a beer with. =( I'm not mean..or judgmental I just want a boyfriend that I enjoy being around...someone who has alot of similar interest so that we can do things we both enjoy and I don't think there is a thing wrong with that.

Not to mention they can be very judgmental (at least the ones that I have met were always trying to get me to highlight my hair and wear pride bracelets, they kept telling me things like I don't need to pretend to be straight or I shouldn't be ashamed to show my gayness....that actually really hurt and messed me up pretty bad till I found this site....so maybe I'm biased because of a few bad apples...but...still I think my point stands.)

 

This. It's just not my preference. I just prefer a regular dude I guess? I don't like the extreme extroversion and loudness...