If you don't mind my asking, how long did it take you to come out to the people who you are the closest to? And how did you tell them? Not counting my parents, and a very few other family members, I've only come out to a few of my good friends. But I have been wanting to come out to a cousin of mine for a long time and I don't know how I should bring the topic up with her.
I decided on "gay" around end of 2010/early 2011, came out to my first person summer 2011, finished telling the rest (in person) the following 6 months, then decided to be "out" at university on February 29 (forever remembered because it's a Leap Day ). The first friend I left a letter as I jetted off to class because I was scared shitless, and if I didn't leave it then I don't think I'd necessarily be out right now. Everyone else I've told in person if possible. There were a couple FB groups of friends that I just messaged towards the end, since we don't get to see each other as frequently. So... somewhere between 6 months and a year? I've still gotta tell my parents though and a few friends back home. But the main people were told in that timeframe.
For me, it really wasn't me coming out, it was more of.. just being asked if I liked girls, by people, and all I really had to say was yes. My mother knew since I was 13, because she just so simply asked me, and I just so simply said yes. When I was 12, I was still questioning, she asked me once when I was 12 as well, but I said no, because I was unsure. At 13, I was sure. My mom told my grandmother and my dad, so it was easier for me at that point, since I didn't have to say it all over again to more people. As for people at school, it was kind of the same situation, some people asked me if I was, and I said yes. But, just so everyone knew, I posted it on FB as a status, and that's how all the people from school knew. Telling my mother and my mother telling my grandmother took place when I was 13, same with telling the people in my school over FB. Then, I started high school, and I had to tell everyone all over again, which was obvious because I had a girlfriend, so everyone already knew. My dad didn't know until about a few months ago, because, he would always gay bash, and I didn't want to tell him myself, so my mother told him, and he was shocked, and, I don't know, I didn't have a close relationship with him anyways, so it didn't really matter.
When I came out to my parents I basically broke down in tears because I was SO terrified of what they'd say because they're very devout christians. But in the end my mom was okay with it but I think my step dad is still struggling to accept it. My mom works in a major school district and has seen little boys and girls who were sooo obviously gay, so she's not convinced it's a choice at all. My step dad thinks it is tho and that I'm confused.-.-
I've always known, but been in denial. 'Came out to myself' 4 months ago. Told one or two people. But am now telling all those who are really close to me when the chance arises. I am happy and at peace. Their awesome supporting and accepting nature has helped. Haven't had one bad reaction yet.
20 years. I always knew, never really hid it but never announced it either, and finally started telling people last summer. I told my mom first. I broke the ice by asking if it would be okay for me to fly across the country and go camping with a bunch of people I met online. After that telling her I was gay was easy peasy. She took the gay part fine. The rest of my family just sort of figured it out, I never officially told any of my siblings, but they all know. As for how you should bring it up to your cousin: I'd recommend going somewhere you both enjoy (like a favorite restaurant, the mall, to see a movie, etc.), and then maybe tell her afterwards. Personally I think it's better to make the person comfortable first, so the news won't knock them over (which is sort of silly, since it's only coming on as gay/lesbian not as a serial killer or baby eating maniac.) But yeah, do a favorite shared activity first, to sort of remind your cousin of the bond you share. This will (hopefully) reinforce how special you are to her, and help her to accept it easier.
Well, I don't remember first "coming out to myself". I just sort of... knew I guess? It's hard to explain. But I came out to my mom when I was 14, in April 2009... I came out to my best friend in October 2010, then in February 2012 I came out to my dad - June 2012, came out to my sister, and July 2012 came out to my brother. Now I'm just waiting until I see my other brother to come out to him, then I'm out to all the important people. In some ways I'm lucky, because I only have one aunt and one uncle, both unmarried and both without kids, and only a very small amount of friends (like, 3 maybe.) who I think deserve to know officially. I have quite a few other friends who I can just make passing remarks to about being gay, so... Yeah. :/ And I agree with Black Cat as far as the cousin thing goes. Good luck! King x
I think I knew for sure by the time I was around 13 or 14. I came out to my first person (one of my best friends) when I was 18 (November 2010). In September 2011 I came out to my parents, and by the holidays I had come out to the rest of my close friends and family who I wanted to tell. I told most people in person. A few others I told over the phone or by Facebook chat or text.
I was confused and questioning for a while, and then when I was surer myself I came out to about 3 of my friends and then there was quite a long gap whilst I came to terms with everything, then I got a girlfriend and had a mad coming out period where I told quite a lot of people. Then there was a lull of a couple of months and I got the courage to come out to my parents and since then its kind of been as and when. There are still people I havent told but not people I see often or am that close to and I wouldnt deny it if asked. When coming out I find it easier to come out to people who are not so close to me as I kind of get the feeling there is less to lose, the closer they are the harder it sometimes is.
Thank you, everyone! I really appreciate it! I'm not really sure how I found this website, but I'm glad I did! I kinda always knew I was lesbian but I had been in denial about it until March of last year. I came out to my best friend last year and her support means the world to me. My parents do know but I think my mom just thinks I'm confused and that she is in denial about it herself. But anyway thank you for all your answers, hopefully next time I see her, I can come out to my cousin.
