Talking to Men about Sexism

[IrisM]

As a feminist and someone who frequents twitter, I sometimes see some really insightful things. I felt I'd share this great article.

How should we talk to men about sexism? | | Independent Editor's choice Blogs

[Bobbgooduk]

Hi Iris!

I liked the article too.

I'd like to ask this question, though:

If we accept the premise that patriachy is the current majority societal norm, we have to accept that women are currently most frequently designated the "child-rearers".

If women are not happy with their treatment in society, it seems to me a logical step for women to start raising their children differently.

I am a gay man but I have an adopted son. I raised him to cook for us once a week at least, to wash and iron his own clothes and to be proud of his independence.

Now he's a father with a 15 year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son, and he too expects his children, especially his son, to be able to function without having to "exploit" women.

I think my attitude came from my mother, who raised my sister, brother and I (until she left home when I was 10) to be as independent as we could be.

I can use a sewing machine, knit, cook, mend a car, decorate, do woodwork - I can do things without attaching any gender-specific label to the task - if it needs doing and I can do it, then I do it.

My concern is, though, that progress in this respect has not been very rapid. I sit open-mouthed sometimes listening to women who : expect their men to do this or that, provide this or that, let me be the homemaker blah blah.

Back to my question: Why has progress been so slow? What are we doing wrong which perpetuates the status quo?

We were talking about equality of pay 50 years ago and yet it is still intrinsic, despite law-changes. You still see more women accepting the role of homemaker, child-carer, housekeeper - why is that when a simple change in expectations from mothers towards their children of BOTH genders would soon achieve a sea-change of attitude?

Let's face it, most kids dote on their mothers and learn by example.

Am I being to idealistic? Simplistic? Missed the point?

[IrisM]

Well parenting is a part of the equation and we also must remember that the mother isn't the only person setting the example. Most children have a mother and a father in their lives and watch both for examples on how to live. Provided that both are doing their job and being good parents, which most do but not all. I would suggest either adopting a child of the opposite gender at the same age if you have a child, or just adopt two at the same age. I would treat them exactly the same, give them both access to the same clothes and toys, as well as bring them to the same activities.

Parenting, however, is but one small part of the equation. You also have to take into account pressures from both society and from the child's peers as they grow older. A necessary part of this is not just to raise the child with good equality values, but to either find or create an environment for them which believes in real equality. I'd probably have both of my kids if I adopted at some point take some kind of martial art, learn some kind of instrument, and get them into theatre.

[Bobbgooduk]

I agree, but there are more single-parent families than ever, usually with a single mother AND not everyone is pulling in the same direction.

As I said, I hear a lot of women speak not just in accepting tones but in EXPECTING tones.

Not trying to wash men of any blame - there are an awful lot of numbskulls out there!