Same sex homphobia - How to deal with it

My family and friends definitely exhibit it.

Take my Aunt as a prime example. She loves yaoi (which is japanese for boy/boy love), she even writes the stuff. It's always ukes (femme guys) and semes (masculine guys) with her. She especially thinks most ukes are adorable, still views them as men, and she just...loves gay guys. Now with that in mind, there was one time where we were watching the Bad Girls Club and one of the girls was a lesbian. A girl that the lesbian Bad Girl brought home was a little boyish. She was dressed in tight women's clothes and had lengthy hair, but she was muscular and had a manly demeanor to her.

So the lesbian Bad Girl was saying in her little interview that she loved women like her, who looked like women, but still had that manliness to them or something to that affect.

Then my Aunt comments: "I don't get that. If you're a lesbian and you like women, why do you want a woman that acts or looks like a guy. Just be with a guy."

So I open my mouth to try to explain and she cut me off. Said "no, it's okay, you don't have to explain."

Now, I got a little pissed off at that. Never once has she ever said or supported the notion that if a masculine gay man is dating a femme gay man, then that masculine gay man should just be with a woman or secretly likes women. Never! But when it comes to lesbians she's all "I don't get it, why not just be with a man if you want a woman that's like a man?" Um excuse me bitch, but I don't see saying any of that shit when your precious semes are telling their ukes to wear dresses and heels and banging them like chicks. Yet if a girl wears a suit and strap on, you're baffled and don't believe they're really lesbians. What the fuck?

Why is it that she only decides to pick on lesbians liking boyish girls, but she sees no problem with gay men liking girlish boys. She loves her some girlish boys and still even thinks of them as men, defends them against anyone who says they aren't. I know for a fact if anyone tried to say that same shit about gay men she would be all over it saying "that's not true, that's not right." Okay, so why is it okay for gay men to date men who do not fit into their "gender role" but not women. According to her ass, if a woman is dating a boyish or manly woman, she must want some dick.

I can't stand that shit. And you know what really pisses me off is that she didn't even let me try to explain it to her. She just accepted her opinion as fact and didn't want to really learn a possible reason why some lesbians are like that. That really hurt. And this happened like a few days after I came out I think, so that just made it even more tense. What would have made me feel better is if she had let me explain to her why I think that is. You know, it would have showed me that she was willing to talk to me about the subject and any future subject regarding lesbianism (not so much homosexuality in general because immediately she thinks "gay men" and that gives me the feeling that she just doesn't take me seriously or doesn't respect me or something along those lines, so I would want to make sure she was open to talking about my type of homosexuality alone.)

I've written about this before. My Aunt sometimes just gives me the impression that she thinks lowly of lesbians and highly of gay men. I don't get this same sex homophobia. I don't know if she knows she's doing it, it may not be purposely, but she does it. It hurts it really does, but what can you do? I just don't talk to my Aunt about lesbian things anymore because she gets this look on her face whenever I try to talk to her about something. This look is the face she makes when she has an opinion about something that is opposite of what I'm saying and she thinks her opinion is right or she thinks whatever I'm saying is stupid as if she has all the goddamn answers.

Whew...sorry girl, that got a little ranty there. On a serious note, I've noticed this type of homophobia and it honestly just makes me want to disassociate from straight people sometimes. Like I don't need to be some straight person's favorite "kind of gay," just walk away from me. I'm starting not to care what straight people think. Like some of us, like none of us, don't really give a fuck because at the end of the day it is not my goal to be accepted, but respected by you whether you approve of me kissing girls or not. *Snap.*

P.S.- Aw cool, you're from Brighton. I love that. You stress your "R's" more than a Detroiter. :lol: -Sorry, linguistics nerd here-

 

i deal with it by discussing it when i feel it's necessary. it seems pretty common, and sometimes it just makes me laugh because people are so ridiculous. i think my mom does it a little bit but she may not really realize it, like she likes ellen degeneres but she thinks my armpit hair is gross. that sentence looks really weird hahaha but my point is that she doesn't say anything against lesbians but she does say things against women who don't shave their pits. and she often says things like, "he looks gay" with a more positive inflection and "she's butch" in a more critical tone of voice.

 

My general strategy is not to get people to try to come around on this. I just let them know that I hate them and move on with my life.

 

I just tell myself that these people are very stupid. After all, can't they see that the homosexuals of the same sex actually decrease their competition and make it easier for them to get a date?

 

I expect it may happen because straight women could be "afraid" that a lesbian will hit on them or fancy them, or because they appreciate that men are hot and could like each other but don't understand why women could be hot. <repeat with swapped men and women>

 

i 'used to' (being the operative word) know a lot of lesbians who are homophobic towards gay men. not sure how that works but yah.

i just keep out of their way. im not offended by it, or even offended if people find my sexuality offensive, i just avoid those people. they are making a deal out of nothing. i tell them that its a wrong thing to think, but theres nothing i can do.

avoiding is the best thing
my mum is or was.... im not sure if she still is.... well she accepts gay men but not lesbians, sooo i just avoid her and talking about it. and basically thats it.

 

I notice same sex homophobia often, but more so among straight guys. If one of them says something that has a same sex innuendo, then he'll say "no homo". To them, saying that reaffirms their straightness or reflects sexual insecurities. I'm not the person that likes to give guilt trips for homophobic language... but I still get bugged by it. I agree with flyin, though - I become annoyed at first, but then I just ignore and move on.