Responsibility of Coming Out

I think people are quick to criticize those that don't come out with a fanfare because of the lack of role models who are out and proud. Granted, the number of openly gay and lesbian celebrities has increased drastically in the past decade, but some people still think that if you're well known or famous, and just happen to be gay, then you should become a poster child for LGBT rights.

Being a celebrity alone bears a lot of weight, since they seldom have any privacy at all in today's society. But there are those who want to keep their lives quiet. It doesn't mean they're ashamed. I'd say this is especially true for Sally Ride's case, as she was with her partner for 27 years last I heard.

 

You don't owe anyone anything. Come out if it favors your situation, and don't if it doesn't.

 

It's not a responsibility. If she or anyone for that matter, doesn't want everyone to know, then that's up to the person, not society. It's not like people say, "It's your responsibility to say you're single" "It's your responsibility to say if you've had sex" that's almost the same as saying it's your responsibility to come out. All of those are part of a person's private life, not everyone wants to share everything about their lives, and that's fine. It's not a responsibility to come out, just as it's not a responsibility to say you've had sex, or to say you're single, because that's not part of everyone's public life, some people don't want to be that open. It's not always because they're afraid of being criticized, but because that's their private life that they don't want to make public.

 

I look at it this way, people can come out if they want to. If they want to be out, then good for them. If not, I totally understand.

Some people like to keep their private life just that, private. I don't think that anybody should hold anything against people that choose not to be out publicly.

 

One of the funny things about our society becoming more accepting of gay people, especially gay celebrities, is that the fact that more people are coming out of the closet means that speculators are more comfortable knocking on the closer door (to borrow language from an article in Entertainment Weekly, I think it was). So when someone doesn't come out in spite of everyone thinking they're queer, now more than ever, we're more likely to ask why they're trying to hide it.

The "it's their responsibility" angle might have been true decades ago, when there weren't as many positive gay role models in the public sphere, but in this day and age, it's really not a relevant point anymore. I think it's more often just used as an excuse to peep into celebrities' private lives, by saying it's for "the greater good".

 

I would be all for people being able to not mention their sexuality at all except that by doing so people are sending the message that there is something to hide and something that should be kept private.

And I do get it, I do. Some people are more private than others. But there is a difference between saying "I'm not going to talk about who I'm going out with" to "I'm not even going to tell you who I prefer to go out with".

That being said, I do not approve of what people are saying when it comes to this particular case. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in this case she in no way was in the closet. She always had a partner who she didn't hide, her family probably always knew and she just lived her live. I don't think she ever lied to anyone about it either.

I don't think people have the responsibility to come out, no. But I do think people have the responsibility to make this world a better place whenever they can. Be that by coming out or fighting for another cause, it doesn't matter.

 

It's never anyone's "responsibility" to come out; it's not an obligation. The reason people give celebrities a hard time about it or say they have a responsibility to come out is that they feel the ones in the spotlight should stand as role models for everyone else. There's the whole thing about visibility, and if all these famous people come out, visibility is significantly greater than if your average citizen did. With more visibility, the hope is that the LGBT community will gain more acceptance when people see that it's a prevalent thing to be gay.

 

This is from Rachel Maddow, and I think it's bang on:

"1. Gay people — generally speaking — have a responsibility to our own community and to future generations of gay people to come out, if and when we feel that we can.
2. We should all get to decide for ourselves the “if and when we feel that we can” part of that."

 

No one has a responsibility to come out. It really is no ones business but their own.

 

With great power comes great responsibility. Sure, she had a moral responsibility to come out. But it takes a special personality to take on bigger things than yourself. Most people, including myself, are perfectly happy focusing on their own lives. However, missed opportunities have negative consequences, there's no way around that.

 

I think that if you feel comfortable coming out, then you should. I do think that there is an onus on us as individuals and as a collective to change the world for future LGBT people, but at the same time, I think it's important for everyone to make that choice for themselves. Everyone has a right to privacy.

But, and this is the caveat--a right to privacy is not a right to hypocrisy. As soon as a closeted LGBT person starts to throw the gay community under the bus, like Ted Haggard or Larry Craig, they're fair game to be publicly outed against their will, as far as I'm concerned.

 

I think comming out is a personal right which people have for themselves, its your choice really, I think its more important to accept yourself than to actually tell others, I mean on another website one of the members told me hes fine with the fact that hes gay, but he just cant come out because that would cost him his job, and security

Ultimately its just something you have to be strong about, you cant be weak to be openly gay, it takes balls, I understand many views and I try not to judge.

 

Coming out is someone's own, personal business... They don't owe it to anyone to come out, and to say it's a "responsibility" it absolutely ridiculous.

King x

 

Basically, the kind of article the OP mentions sets up a false dilemma: either you're a big-time gay activist, or you're a despicable "freeloader." It's not that simple, and it's especially not that simple in cases like hers.

Let me tell you something many people outside space activist circles don't realize, - it's (a) a boys treehouse (b) About as conservative as a convention of Southern Baptist preachers, especially in the US, and especially back then, with peace movement a decade behind, the height of Star Wars fewer, O'Neil's harebrained scheme to build ultimate company towns in space touted as the Next Big Step and so on. Nowadays it's more Ron Paulesque righ-wing libertarian than vanilla conservative (a trend started by that same O'Neil,) but it's still not an easy place to be a woman, let alone a queer woman. And these were exactly the circles where she had the biggest claim to fame (and potential infamy.) Just imagine what a crowd like that would've done with her if she was out, - "Yes, we sent three girls to space, two of them so pissed off Korolyov he (said something about female cosmonauts that won't pass moderation here) and Soviets have none now. Third one turned out to be a lesbian. This ABSOLUTELY PROVES that normal girls are unfit to being astronauts, and should stay in the kitchen." If I was in her position, I'd be extremely concerned about that, and probably, like her, would've chosen to not to scream about my orientation from the rooftops, just to serve as a role model for all women, gay and straight.

And, seriously, she had done more than any ten of her critics for many worthwhile causes, including female liberation. Let her rest in peace.

 

The only responsibility that people possess is to themselves. Everything else is optional.

As far as I know Sally didn't hide the fact that she was a lesbian to anyone who knew her personally. So she wasn't living in the closet. What she didn't do was take a microphone and stand in front of a crowd of people and tell the world that she was out, proud, and in a relationship - all the while being famous.

Would I have liked Sally Ride to take that stand? Yes. Not for her sake, but for the sake of future generations. When some little future LGBT kid is sitting in a classroom somewhere, reading a history book that mentions Sally Ride, they had the potential to read about not only a strong and courageous woman, but a strong and courageous woman that happened to be a lesbian. They likely aren't going to read that now.

The reason it is important to come out when you're famous is because it sends a message, particularly to kids, that their dreams can come true - that they aren't alone - and that there is a bigger world out there than their home and school. It provides some light at the end of a potentially dark tunnel; especially for those who may be living in homes and going to schools that are abusive and unaccepting. It provides a little slither of light that says maybe, just maybe, if you hang in there long enough you can make it. Just be strong.

Did she have a responsibility? No. But she did miss an opportunity. That's unfortunate not for Sally, but for future generations of LGBT people.

 

Nobody has a moral or otherwise obligation to come out, although it would be very helpful if people in sport, show business, the music industry etc. would come out. Ultimately it's their decision and their decision only. How can I judge when I'm still 'in the closet'? Even if I'm not in the lime-light and a potential role model to the world, I could be a role model to a younger cousin or other family member that had qualms regarding their sexuality. So no, I can't say that journalist did have a right to slate her for not coming out, because I myself haven't.

It's not easy...and don't we know it!