Does Love Communicate?

[tom100]

Ok this may be a bit of a sad question coming from someone my vintage, but:

Is it really possible to be seriously in love with someone, to be next to them, to hold their gaze.... and for them to not be aware or know anything of how you feel? Is that really possible?

If so, someone needs to have a serious talk with God.

Tom

[Bobbgooduk]

Unfortunately, Tom, it is a fact of life.

Just because you love someone, it doesn't neam they'll love you back, or even notice you.

It's the dream we all aspire to, but few of us achieve that bliss of instant, mutual love and adoration.

But it's not all doom and gloom - you'll meet people who make you buss with excitement and who want to get to know you better too.

Good Luck

[Mogget]

Usually telling the object of your affection in words is more effective.

[AshenAngel]

Originally Posted by Mogget

Usually telling the object of your affection in words is more effective.

absolutely. my gf and i make it a point to let our feelings be known <3

[Aquilo]

Originally Posted by tom100

Is it really possible to be seriously in love with someone, to be next to them, to hold their gaze.... and for them to not be aware or know anything of how you feel? Is that really possible?
Tom

Yes that's possible (Sometimes I'm happy for that too, wouldn't like my straight crushes to know I like them).

[musikk021]

Of course, it's a fact...not just a possibility. I've been in love with my straight best friend for 7 years and she has no idea. I love her more than anything in the world and I treat her as such, too. I do everything for her and treat her like my queen, but she just thinks I'm a good friend who also doesn't know how to say "no." I get called a pushover and such, but I'm only so faithfully committed to being there for her because I love her. Despite all that I do for her and all the love I give to her, she still doesn't see me at all. I don't understand why, but she is more fond of her other friends who often piss her off, are selfish, and who she often calls a bitch. Those girls would never sacrifice themselves or do anything for her, yet she loves them and they're her favorite people. I, on the other hand, don't mean much to her.

[tom100]

Rats. I was afraid that would be the consensus. Just doesn't feel right though.

And in a gay situation of course it's all a lot more complicated. Sigh.

musikk021 - that's a tough situation, so a hug from me at least.... Like others have said, are you not in a position to tell her how you feel? Even though she is straight, it would surely be a whole lot nicer if you could behave openly.

[musikk021]

Originally Posted by tom100

musikk021 - that's a tough situation, so a hug from me at least.... Like others have said, are you not in a position to tell her how you feel? Even though she is straight, it would surely be a whole lot nicer if you could behave openly.

I definitely can't tell her how I feel. I'm afraid of what it might do to our relationship. Telling her I'm gay and telling her I've been in love with her all this time are two very different things. I know she's not homophobic. One of her best friends (a girl) is openly bi. But I'm just too afraid of the repercussions. I'd rather swallow my feelings. Hopefully one day I might actually find someone who loves me too.

[fleetingwells]

Originally Posted by musikk021

I definitely can't tell her how I feel. I'm afraid of what it might do to our relationship. Telling her I'm gay and telling her I've been in love with her all this time are two very different things. I know she's not homophobic. One of her best friends (a girl) is openly bi. But I'm just too afraid of the repercussions. I'd rather swallow my feelings. Hopefully one day I might actually find someone who loves me too.

Is it possible to get away from her by any chance? I know she's your best friend and all but having these feelings for her is not good for you either, especially if it's one-sided. I had a straight best friend once that I treated like a queen, too. I did everything just to please her. In the end, it wasn't worth it. It took forever for me to realize that but I got out of it, knowing that there would be other girls who would love me unconditionally someday. I can only hope that people like me can do the same.

[musikk021]

Originally Posted by sleeperflick

Is it possible to get away from her by any chance? I know she's your best friend and all but having these feelings for her is not good for you either, especially if it's one-sided. I had a straight best friend once that I treated like a queen, too. I did everything just to please her. In the end, it wasn't worth it. It took forever for me to realize that but I got out of it, knowing that there would be other girls who would love me unconditionally someday. I can only hope that people like me can do the same.

Well we both go to college in different schools in cities that are 3 hours away. I see her a handful of times a year only, but we keep in touch through texting mostly. She's not exactly my "best friend"... I just call her that because she was the one person I was closest to. For 3 years, we spent all our time together and were inseparable. I was already in love with her and made her my world; I blocked everybody else in my life out. She was the center of everything. During the end of that 3rd year, something changed for her and she just ignored me out of the blue. Cut me off for weeks before she spoke to me again. Even when things got better, they never went back to the way they were. I never knew what happened, which is part of the reason why I still hold on so tightly - I never had any closure! I keep racking my brain about what went wrong. Was it something I did, something I said, or was she just taking something out on me? Anyways, I just never let go. I still love her unconditionally. Now 4 years later after that, we're good but not like before.

And the pain and depression I'm suffering from that loss of our relationship still holds me down today. I've become distant and unwilling to engage in friendships. I'm afraid of getting attached and getting hurt again. I push people away as soon as I start to feel like I care about them because I have the mindset that if I leave them first, they won't get to leave me. Now I'm afraid I'll never find someone to be with.

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there. Just venting

[fleetingwells]

Originally Posted by musikk021

Well we both go to college in different schools in cities that are 3 hours away. I see her a handful of times a year only, but we keep in touch through texting mostly. She's not exactly my "best friend"... I just call her that because she was the one person I was closest to. For 3 years, we spent all our time together and were inseparable. I was already in love with her and made her my world; I blocked everybody else in my life out. She was the center of everything. During the end of that 3rd year, something changed for her and she just ignored me out of the blue. Cut me off for weeks before she spoke to me again. Even when things got better, they never went back to the way they were. I never knew what happened, which is part of the reason why I still hold on so tightly - I never had any closure! I keep racking my brain about what went wrong. Was it something I did, something I said, or was she just taking something out on me? Anyways, I just never let go. I still love her unconditionally. Now 4 years later after that, we're good but not like before.

And the pain and depression I'm suffering from that loss of our relationship still holds me down today. I've become distant and unwilling to engage in friendships. I'm afraid of getting attached and getting hurt again. I push people away as soon as I start to feel like I care about them because I have the mindset that if I leave them first, they won't get to leave me. Now I'm afraid I'll never find someone to be with.

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there. Just venting

Don't worry about it It's understandable. I think it'll just take time for you to let go, trying to move on step by step. Do you go to an LGBT center by any chance? If you don't, it could help that you go to one.

If it makes you feel better, you've got us and this forum. I don't know if it's enough, but it's something to fall back on I think

[musikk021]

Originally Posted by sleeperflick

Don't worry about it It's understandable. I think it'll just take time for you to let go, trying to move on step by step. Do you go to an LGBT center by any chance? If you don't, it could help that you go to one.

If it makes you feel better, you've got us and this forum. I don't know if it's enough, but it's something to fall back on I think

Yeah, I guess only time will tell what's going to become of this life

Nope, I don't go to any LGBT centers. I did go to a few meetings at my college's GSA type club, but it made me uncomfortable. At the start of every meeting, they make us stand up and introduce ourselves and then they make us play a bunch of socializing games. I'm super shy, so it was all too nervewracking for me.

Thanks I do feel better being able to have some sort of communication through this forum. It's the only place I can talk about stuff.

(This makes for my 100th post! Haha)