Do your straight friends treat you differently after you came out?

[musikk021]

I'm still completely in the closet with all my straight friends. I have some female friends who are pretty touchy feely and who aren't afraid to do things like change in front of their friends. One friend of mine used to always sit on my lap, and she'd change in front of me (as in taking off her bra and underwear) to change into PJs. Another friend would hold hands with me and lay her head on my chest when we watch movies together on the bed. Both of these girls are straight, and I've always been afraid of what they would think if I came out. Would they be freaked out that they did those things with me/in front of me? Would they think back on it and be wondering if I was attracted to them?

What are your experiences with things like this? Do you have friends who did things like this who freaked out when they found out the truth?

[ArtSaves]

I am out to all of my closest friends. Before I came out one of my biggest fears was that my straight female friends would treat me differently, but they haven't They also did things like changing in front of me and now that they know I'm bi, they still do that. On our senior year trip I had to share a bed with one of my friends and she had absolutely no problem with that. No one has freaked out so far and I'm really happy of how well things have turn out to be for me.

[JillandJill]

It depends on the friend for me. For the most part, my friends treat me EXACTLY the same. But one of my friends after I told her started being different... she would say something and then be like "Ohhhhh, right, except not for you." or whatever and it wasn't derogatory or anything, she just started saying things that got on my nerves like that.... but we aren't friends anymore haha.
Oh. But one of my friends saw Natalie Portman as my wallpaper on my computer and was like "Why is natalie portman on your computer" and i was like "why not" and he was like "ohhhhh i forgot you're not a normal girl"


Ouch.

Oh yeah. They decided they didnt want to be my friends anymore after I was out.

[LSunday]

It's weird for me. My best friend of them all jokingly calls me her SGF (Sassy Gay Friend) even though I'm the polar opposite of sassy, but she frequently forgets I'm actually gay because she's so used to teasing all her friends like that.

Then there was my straight guy friend (and crush) who had a half-hour conversation with me in the school parking lot about the stylistic differences of gay, straight, and lesbian porn.

Only person who ever treated me different was the girl playing my fiancé in the school play, who felt uncomfortable with the romance until I told her.

[NickD]

Originally Posted by lonewolf77

Oh yeah. They decided they didnt want to be my friends anymore after I was out.

That really sucks man. I was lucky(?) when I came out that my old group of friends had ditched me already and I hadn't found new ones yet (outside of my brothers). The sad part is, I still haven't found any real new ones yet. So I guess from one lone wolf to another, you're not as alone as you think...

[AshenAngel]

Um, they were pretty supportive of me. The only real change was the expression "thats so gay!" wasnt really used anymore

[Night Rain]

Originally Posted by AwkwardlyHers

Um, they were pretty supportive of me. The only real change was the expression "thats so gay!" wasnt really used anymore

After coming out to a straight friend, I use that expression excessively. I guess I'm just more comfortable with the word "gay".

[SohoDreamer]

Surprisingly, no difference. I mean I get abuse from people for it but not from any of my friends. One small change was after any of my friends say "that's gay!" or some derivative, they apologize to me or say "no offence" and I always say it doesn't matter to me.

[thecat06]

I lost some friends because they thought that I was sinning.

The ones that I am still friends still treat me the same. They really did not care that I was gay/bi (I came out to some as bi before I realized that I was actually gay).

[SkyDiver]

Yeah. Most treated me better.

[Fumi]

No, the guys only stopped asking me whether I thought this or that girl was hot, and some of my female friends didn't mind changing in front of me.

[boilingintexas]

All my friends took it pretty well in stride, the only difference is my best friend won't stop talking about us going shopping now lol. But I'm not really a good example because half of my friends were gay/trans anyways.

---------- Post added 27th Jul 2012 at 11:59 PM ----------

All my friends took it pretty well in stride, the only difference is my best friend won't stop talking about us going shopping now lol. But I'm not really a good example because half of my friends were gay/trans anyways.

[FJ Cruiser]

I actually became much better friends with one guy because we could talk more freely about dating and all that jazz. Other than that, no one has treated me differently at all.

[xXLoneWolfXx]

Nope

[fleetingwells]

When I came out to my best friend at the time, she told me that she was sorry At the time I was so nervous that I told her that I didn't even notice she said this. Looking back at it now, I don't necessarily like that she felt sorry for me

But yes, some people--especially the girls--started acting a little more weird around me after I came out to them. The guys I've told were pretty okay with it, actually

[Peanuts]

Originally Posted by musikk021

Would they be freaked out that they did those things with me/in front of me? Would they think back on it and be wondering if I was attracted to them?

Oh geeze, this is the same exact problem I'm having right now! It's actually delaying my coming out because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable with me. Having touchy-feely friends makes it so much harder.

[Bobbgooduk]

I think my friends were relieved!

They all knew I wasn't happy. They all seemed to realize that I was searching for something and once they were able to put a name to it, they were all happy.

Lonewolf - I would argue that those people who ditched you were not friends, they were acquaintances.

Being a friend involves emotional investment in each other - even straight friends "care" for each other and if yours were able to cut you off for religious reasons or for simply being gay, then I don't think they "cared" - you can't turn it on and off like a tap.

You might well have been THEIR friend, having made an emotional investment, and it is only matural that you would feel hurt and disappointed. That will make you reluctant to face that hurt again by investing emotions in new friends.

You are out already. Any new people in your life will know you as you are - perhaps a bit too fearful of being hurt, but I am certain you have a lot of things to offer in friendship.

Don't give up on mankind (or yourself) too quickly. While there are a lot of turds out there bobbing on the surface, beneath the waves there is the beauty of the ocean.

Dare to dive in.

[CTJ]

Ive only came out to three people in my life, the first one i havent seen or spoken to since i drunkenly told her i was gay, but the other two are my current housemates and they dont really treat me different. They shout at me saying that i ruined the word gay for them, now they cant say "oh thats so gay" and they blame me for it. And my best mate tends to greet me with the name ''fagarella" which is his affectionate term for me.

[sanguine]

my friends changed, but it was a good change,

they are much more open about themselves when they talk to me, very honest, im usually the first one they come to when they like a girl, the first and only one to know embarrassing secrets, pretty much the first one to know the latest updates on their own lives

we even have a small group talk session on mumble (sort of like skype but I use it for online gaming with them) which happens at around midnight when everyones back from work and uni, and it usually revolves around the topic of the week (which is usually about a trait one of us dont like about it 'said' person) or how big some girls boobs are. The conversations are really really funny