The stereotype about gay relationships - Is it true?

[SohoDreamer]

The one about there always being a "man" and a "woman" in the relationship, despite both people being of the same sex. I know there will be exceptions, but does this stereotype have relevance? I mean, are more masculine lesbians attracted to more feminine lesbians? And vice versa? And the same with gay guys?

In addition to that, I have heard the thing about gay guys being more feminine due to less testosterone because of estrogen pumped into them by the mother.. Or something? Are lesbians more likely to be masculine, in a similar way? Or are girls not affected by masculinity/femininity in correlation with sexual orientation?

[LSunday]

It's the same as with all stereotypes; those types of relationships DO exist, but not with enough frequency to consider them the average, or even particularly common. From what I've seen, the majority of gay relationships don't work that way in the real world, but the media/television/film industries like to focus on that type of relationship more because they think it 'reads' better to a straight audience, which is the majority of their viewership.

It's the same reason footage of a Pride parade always focuses on the most flamboyant guys there, despite the fact they're outnumbered by a much larger group of men in everyday street clothing. They notice what they think they should see instead of what is actually there.

[Bobbgooduk]

I agree with you completely LSunday, and I think this sort of media presentation also colours what "emerging Gays" think is expected of them, and can therefore make them reluctant to commit to a "label" because they are uncomfortable with what they and others associate with it.

I am gay, I do not follow fashion, read men's health magazines, worry about low-fat or carbs, I do not mince, sashay or walk with a limp wrist, I don't have tattoos, piercing or like being chained up and treated like a dog.

Looking at me, I'm an ordinary, middle-aged guy, just like my partner. We live quietly together in harmony with our straight neighbours.

Not that I'm condemning those that want to do the dungeon scenes, but it's optional, not compulsory.

[Pain]

I used to actually worry about it... But upon finding a good relationship, the "roles" actually didn't so much come to be at all...

Like LSunday said, these types of relationships DO exist, but there's no "rule" for determining role or whatever. I suppose I would seem "masculine" (lol, cuz I don't really think so... I'm not really feminine) but I find guys who are more "masculine" attractive, I guess. But, anywho, the ideas of roles kinda disappeared when I got into a relationship.

[Pret Allez]

No. There are only two people of the same sex in same-sex relationships.

In some cases, gay relationships do end up that way, but in the end, if it's two girls, then it's two girls, and if it's two guys, it's two guys. For me, I think, I follow that "man" "woman" kind of relationship, because, I'm more masculine, and, my personality is very boyish, only thing that doesn't make me totally masculine, is the fact I look completely feminine. I always will go for girls who are feminine. I know that no matter who I end up with, I'll always be the "man" in the relationship, meaning, I'd be the more masculine one. That's how I see it, when there's a "man" and "woman" in the relationship, I just see it as, who takes the role of being more masculine, and who takes the role of being more feminine. Not all relationships are going to be like that though. Feminine people may attract other feminine people just as more masculine people may attract another masculine person. And, as for the less/more testosterone situation, yes, that could be very much possible that it plays a part in someone's sexual orientation. If you believe that being gay is in your genes, then, it's shown that birth order, levels of testosterone/estrogen, and other factors can play a factor in someone's sexual orientation.

[bob94]

I think that the idea of gender roles is starting to decline a little bit even with straight couples, since most women work outside of the house. The whole stay-at-home housewife thing is becoming more and more rare.

[Nemo39122]

From what I've noticed, in the majority of cases those are just stereotypes. People try to label the "man" and "woman" in same-sex relationships in an attempt to conform them into what they percieve as seeming more heterosexual or fitting into society. Yes in some cases one partner may take a more dominant role, and some may take a more submissive role. That doesn't mean one is the "man"/dominant, and one is the "woman"/submissive. Even in some hetero relationships the female is the more dominant personality.

People just like to catgorize things...not to be cliche, but love is love. Beyond that, why does it matter?

Also, masculinity/femininity in gays is really just a stereotype. I'm not sure why there is occasionally a correlation, there just is. Maybe it is hormones. But again its not just among gays and lesbians; there are feminine heterosexual men and masculine heterosexual women.