Can you be friends with an ex... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

9th Aug 2012, 08:51 PM

...when you're in a serious relationship with someone else?

Would you date someone who was still good friends with their ex, even if the ex wasn't part of their circle of friends, and the two of them would basically have to go out of their way to see and talk to each other?

Orcas · 9th Aug 2012, 09:03 PM

Hey! It would really depend on the boundaries that my date (or boyfriend) can set. If I know I can fully trust him that nothing is going to happen and that they are just friends, I would be okay with it.

That said, I would be curious if I realize that my date or boyfriend would start making some efforts to meet up with his ex and both would go out of their ways. It would raise a flag for me...

Caoimhe Fayre · 9th Aug 2012, 09:13 PM

I am still friends with almost all of my ex's. I don't go out of my way to connect with them, persay, but I have worked to keep my friendship with all of them. I think I would be more inclined to date someone who is not only cordial, but friends to some degree, with at least most of their ex's. Otherwise I would worry for our friendship if our own stab at romance didn't work out...

I would also hope that I would not be jealous if someone I loved and was dating was still friends with her ex's, even close friends. I would only be concerned if I found myself excluded or treated as an afterthought, otherwise I hope I would trust my partner's integrity.

Vesper · 9th Aug 2012, 09:16 PM

I have no experience in this particular area, but from an intellectual standpoint, I don't see why it's not possible to be friends with an ex while in a relationship with someone else. I suppose it'd be more likely if the split was amicable and agreed to by both people, but I think it should still be possible even though the break-up was not amicable if both parties are able to look back on those times and realize their mistakes. This is assuming that everyone is the type to let bygones be bygones because life's not worth spending constantly fretting over lost loves. If any one of the parties is the jealous type, though, then all bets are off.

Waffles · 9th Aug 2012, 09:30 PM

Of course! I am still great friends with most of my ex's. I mean, why let breaking up destroy such a good friendship? ... unless, of course, they go behind your back and turn against you after you break up (happened to me before...). Then I wouldn't be friends with them.

As for dating someone who's friends with their ex... well, it depends. I mean, you can't tell them "no, you can't be friends with them"... cuz that's rude. ( .A.) However, if your dating someone who takes priority over their ex than they do you... then maybe there's some concern. But if they take prioity in you than their ex, then I think it's fine... (so long as the person doesn't make you their ONLY priority... that's when they become clingy.)

Capichino · 28th Dec 2012, 11:04 AM

Yes u can but I don't sugest it though

Fate · 28th Dec 2012, 11:22 AM

I think it really depends on the person, for me I believe you can be friends with an ex...
I also think trust plays a HUGE role, do you trust you partner? Have you talked to them and expressed your concern about said person? In the end I believe that their an "ex" for a reason... The relationship here and now is what matters...
>.<

MidnightOwl · 28th Dec 2012, 11:40 AM

I'm of the opposite value. Anything that wasn't settled in your relationship will still be there. It's simply sweeping problems under the rug and pretending with a fake smile that you are all honky dory. I believe that there will always be residual of an ex and you lingering in the friendship. So why it may be possible, they also may be holding unto things from the past relationship.

leer · 28th Dec 2012, 04:15 PM

Think you can if it was a happy time am good mates with an ex even
Talked of getting back together

aeva · 29th Dec 2012, 01:42 PM

Yeah, I'm really close with 2 of my exes (both male), and still friendly with four others (2 girls, 2 guys). Two have actually been at my house in the last 3 days.

I've never really had a volatile break-up, I think because, for the most part, we were friends before we dated, so we've been able to return to that after our relationships ended.

Flyalone45 · 29th Dec 2012, 01:45 PM

I'm still friends with my ex but I'm not with anyone right now though.
Me and her are having issues right now

9th Aug 2012, 08:51 PM	#1
Route466 Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Can you be friends with an ex... ...when you're in a serious relationship with someone else? Would you date someone who was still good friends with their ex, even if the ex wasn't part of their circle of friends, and the two of them would basically have to go out of their way to see and talk to each other?

9th Aug 2012, 09:03 PM	#2
Orcas EC Board Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about Location: BC, Canada Age: 36 Posts: 11,824 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... Hey! It would really depend on the boundaries that my date (or boyfriend) can set. If I know I can fully trust him that nothing is going to happen and that they are just friends, I would be okay with it. That said, I would be curious if I realize that my date or boyfriend would start making some efforts to meet up with his ex and both would go out of their ways. It would raise a flag for me... __________________ ~ Somewhere within us all there is a secret garden. A garden in which we can seek refuge when times are rough or retire to in joy or contemplation ~

9th Aug 2012, 09:13 PM	#3
Caoimhe Fayre EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: I guess you call me... OUT XD Location: Ontario Canada Age: 25 Posts: 324 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... I am still friends with almost all of my ex's. I don't go out of my way to connect with them, persay, but I have worked to keep my friendship with all of them. I think I would be more inclined to date someone who is not only cordial, but friends to some degree, with at least most of their ex's. Otherwise I would worry for our friendship if our own stab at romance didn't work out... I would also hope that I would not be jealous if someone I loved and was dating was still friends with her ex's, even close friends. I would only be concerned if I found myself excluded or treated as an afterthought, otherwise I hope I would trust my partner's integrity.

9th Aug 2012, 09:16 PM	#4
Vesper Female Gorilla Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Probably asexual/mostly homoromantic. Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 27 Posts: 1,787 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... I have no experience in this particular area, but from an intellectual standpoint, I don't see why it's not possible to be friends with an ex while in a relationship with someone else. I suppose it'd be more likely if the split was amicable and agreed to by both people, but I think it should still be possible even though the break-up was not amicable if both parties are able to look back on those times and realize their mistakes. This is assuming that everyone is the type to let bygones be bygones because life's not worth spending constantly fretting over lost loves. If any one of the parties is the jealous type, though, then all bets are off. __________________ --- “But evil cannot be made good by revelation, and good cannot be made evil by persecution.” - Helen H. Gardener Last edited by Vesper; 9th Aug 2012 at 09:19 PM..

9th Aug 2012, 09:30 PM	#5
Waffles Hey there, sexual. :D Full Member Gender: Bro. ( ¬_¬) Orientation: Snuggle-sexual. Out Status: Pretty honest if asked? Age: 17 Posts: 664 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... Of course! I am still great friends with most of my ex's. I mean, why let breaking up destroy such a good friendship? ... unless, of course, they go behind your back and turn against you after you break up (happened to me before...). Then I wouldn't be friends with them. As for dating someone who's friends with their ex... well, it depends. I mean, you can't tell them "no, you can't be friends with them"... cuz that's rude. ( .A.) However, if your dating someone who takes priority over their ex than they do you... then maybe there's some concern. But if they take prioity in you than their ex, then I think it's fine... (so long as the person doesn't make you their ONLY priority... that's when they become clingy.) __________________ GUESS WHAT? You have won... A FREE HUG. (⊃・ω・)⊃ 私はコープスパーティすきです. (・ω・)

28th Dec 2012, 11:04 AM	#6
Capichino Banned Regular Member Gender: B0¥!!!!! Orientation: gay. ¥•¥. _ Out Status: I'm still in da closet Location: Bismarck nd USA Age: 13 Posts: 1,140 Join Date: Oct 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... Yes u can but I don't sugest it though

28th Dec 2012, 11:22 AM	#7
Fate Refuse to Sink Full Member Gender: Female (soft butch, chapstick) Orientation: Questioning - Kinsey 2? Asexual? Out Status: One friend as possibly bisexual Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 19 Posts: 160 Join Date: Dec 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... I think it really depends on the person, for me I believe you can be friends with an ex... I also think trust plays a HUGE role, do you trust you partner? Have you talked to them and expressed your concern about said person? In the end I believe that their an "ex" for a reason... The relationship here and now is what matters... >.< __________________ *Refuse to Sink*

28th Dec 2012, 11:40 AM	#8
MidnightOwl The Weeping Owl Full Member Gender: Both Orientation: Nuetral Out Status: Not out at all Posts: 348 Join Date: Dec 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... I'm of the opposite value. Anything that wasn't settled in your relationship will still be there. It's simply sweeping problems under the rug and pretending with a fake smile that you are all honky dory. I believe that there will always be residual of an ex and you lingering in the friendship. So why it may be possible, they also may be holding unto things from the past relationship.

28th Dec 2012, 04:15 PM	#9
leer Hello Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: am out to my family and friends . Location: grt Manchester Age: 20 Posts: 956 Join Date: Dec 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... Think you can if it was a happy time am good mates with an ex even Talked of getting back together

29th Dec 2012, 01:42 PM	#10
aeva EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Apparently homoflexible? Out Status: Pretty much everybody... Location: New York Age: 21 Posts: 686 Join Date: May 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... Yeah, I'm really close with 2 of my exes (both male), and still friendly with four others (2 girls, 2 guys). Two have actually been at my house in the last 3 days. I've never really had a volatile break-up, I think because, for the most part, we were friends before we dated, so we've been able to return to that after our relationships ended. __________________ "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace" - Jimi Hendrix (debatably)

29th Dec 2012, 01:45 PM	#11
Flyalone45 professional bad ass here Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: lesbian i guess Out Status: 3 people Location: east coast Age: 17 Posts: 1,372 Join Date: Dec 2012	Re: Can you be friends with an ex... I'm still friends with my ex but I'm not with anyone right now though. Me and her are having issues right now

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