Am I the only person with this double standard?

Yes it is bad, and you should work on it. What you're describing is sexism (you don't mind men displaying public affection, but women doing it gets under your skin) and transsexism (you're negative about sex reassignment). Now, I'm not calling you sexist and transsexist, I am just saying that is what those attitudes are objectively going to be labeled. I don't want to be a jerk and scare you off, but at the same time, I have to call a spade a spade.

I am glad you're working on it, and I think it's a demonstration of good faith. I think you might just want to explore the reasons why you feel this way.

 

What do you think about straight couples?

I ask because it could be just that you do not relate to those couples. I see what you mean in the sense that, although I definitely would talk about my friends relationships with women, I do have a sense of awkwardness in a way that I cannot relate. Not to women, I have quite a bit of female friends, but to relationships with them.

So I wouldnt peg you for being a double standard, as much as just orientationally biased. You may unconsciously doubt the validity of their relationships because you, your do not understand it. Just a thought



Btw, I am in no way saying that it is ok to have a negative connotation to them. I was just saying that not fully understanding it is understandable.

 

If you don't like seeing lesbian couples because you're not attracted to women, I'm curious as to whether this ew factor extends to other couples you're not attracted to. Two gay men you think are ugly, for example.

Either way, I would highly suggest trying to get over it, as the world won't and shouldn't bend to your personal standards of attractiveness.

 

Probably something like internalized heterosexism from your family. Yes, even gay and bisexual men get it. (I am tempted to say especially gay and bisexual men get it.)

I am not misinterpreting what you're saying. I get that it's subconscious, but that still counts for something. To show you what I mean, here's an anecdote for you.

I live in Helena, MT, which is a white, white place. I was walking down the sidewalk one day, and I noticed this black man sitting on the bench. He didn't look happy, and I was about to give him a wide berth. Before I did so, I realized that would be a discourteous thing to do, and instead turned, smiled at him like a gentleman, and went on my way. I think of myself as anti-racist. However, what happened there was I had to fight internalized racism. That's not a contradiction; that's just being a human being with a weakness to overcome. (White folks thinking that black men look angry when they really have neutral expressions is well-studied.) It's the gut reaction that has to be overcome with training and awareness.

It sounds like you have a similar thing going on. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's just something to watch, and I am glad you care enough to reflect on it.

 

Nice example with the story of the black man on the bench Pret Allez! I enjoyed it.

If I seek really thoroughly in my personality I can find such double standards too but it's not subconscious only. It's both conscious and subconscious.
You see, at the base I find that everybody should be equal, such as all the couples. That's my standard.

BUT when I witness a couple that has they ways deeply en-rooted in sexism, manipulation and inequality I am always disgusted, no matter what, especially if they like it that way. For some of them it's religious, for others it's culture, but to me that's no valid reason.

 

Okay, so I'm curious if you find the process of transition disgusting, the transgender people themselves, or the surgery. If it's the surgery, then I can understand. All surgery is disgusting. I try not to look at pictures of it when I stumble into information websites about it. I understand what's going to happen, but the pictures are too much. Sometimes you're better off not knowing what they're going to do to your body, you know?

 

Pret Allez, that's a good example. I liked reading your story a lot. CSCalciano, your feelings are probably attributed to internalized heterosexism and homophobia like the others have said. This might be a result of your immediate surroundings or of heterosexist society as a whole. You like men so you are more able to understand and empathize with gay male couples (possibly?). And if you are cis-gendered, which I assume you are, you are better able to understand what it's like to be cis-gendered.

Try to envision yourself as a lesbian or as a transgender person. Walk in their "shoes" for a bit in your mind. Try to understand why female couples would want to be intimate (for the same reasons as a gay couple) and why SRS is important to some transgender people. It sometimes takes mentally putting yourself in their situation.

These feelings you have toward female couples and transgender people are something you will have to work on. You've taken a good first step which is admitting you have the thoughts. Do you want to change these thoughts or are you wanting to find the initial core of the thoughts and stop there? That's what you may want to ask yourself next. Do you want these thoughts to go away?

I think a lot of people have prejudiced thoughts but they aren't willing to admit it. I for one used to be very angry and had prejudiced thoughts toward Christian people. I am still working through the immediate negative thought I get when I meet a very religious straight Christian person. I am still not able to overcome the thoughts yet but it takes work.

And on your thought of "ew" toward lesbian couples, I get that feeling when I hear the word lesbian sometimes. I'm working through that too.

Like Pret Allez said, if you can physically work through the negative thoughts, maybe you can eventually get rid of the thoughts. It's good that you talked about them. That's not easy.