So as some of you know, my girlfriend is moving on Monday to Arizona to go back to school, and when she leaves we will be breaking up. Not merely because of the distance, but because I have a lot of personal shit to work out...and she wants me to be able to focus on me. She doesn't want to break up by any means, but I have a serious problem with lying...and because of that there isn't much trust between us. She wants to be able to trust me, but I have to be able to prove that I can change, that I can gain control over my life, my lying. She has been the most wonderful, amazing girlfriend I have ever had, and it destroys me to think that on Monday, I will be driving her to the airport, and saying goodbye to the one person that I can't stand to even think about being apart from. She has done nothing but support me, and help me grow and mature as a person. I've learned a lot about the real world from her (my parent's always gave us pretty much anything we wanted, so I didn't know much about anything) and I know that I am a better person because of her. Because of my lying though, I have been pretty much nothing but horrible to her...and still, every time we fought, she has stayed by my side. I never thought love could be so pure and unending, but hers is. It brought her to tears to even say that she wanted to give me time to take to myself and sort my lying out. Even though we both know it is for the best. That is how much I know she loves me. I could go on forever about her, and all the things she has done for me that have made me a better person, but I'll spare you Pretty much I want to give her something before she leaves to remember me by...something to know that no matter how far she is, my heart is right there with her. So I wrote a song, using words that I told her a few days ago as part of the chorus. She had asked if, if she ever changed her mind and decided that breaking up was the wrong thing to do, what would I do/say. My response to her was this: "I will always be here, waiting, with open arms and a heart full of love." and I know in my heart this is true. She is the only girl I want, no other will do. She is the only one that is my balance in life, my voice of reason, my sanity. So, I want this song to be perfect. I can't record it because 1) my guitar is in storage 2)my mic headset is lost in storage 3)the storage facility is already closed/locked up for the night, and I head up to the campgrounds early tomorrow morning to be with her and her family for the weekend, though if I could record it and burn it tonight I would. I will have to settle for just lyrics. Which is why it's even more important to me that they be perfect. That is where you guys come in. I want your opinions on what I wrote. Please be honest. I can take critique, so don't just take the easy road and say "oh that was really good." What parts did you like? What parts did you not like (if any)? Is there any place where you would switch up wording a little? Etc. Thank you in advance, for helping me. I really do appreciate it. You guys are all awesome. So here it is, my song. ~Never Fade Away~ When the sun sets And the moon begins to rise On this new day Where will this path lead us? No one knows You asked me once If you ever changed your mind If you felt that deep inside You had made the wrong choice What would I do? And I told you this I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away Baby please don’t cry I’m not worth the tears I don’t even know How you can love someone like this Yet you do You have stood by my side Day after day Being my strength and my faith Never letting me fall Now let me be yours Because I will always say I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away Through all the lies Through all the tears You have never walked away Never left me here I promise I will work hard So I can be that person The one that you need That can bear your burdens So if you ever lie awake Staring at the ceiling Please think of me And know you are not alone And always remember That I will always say I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away Never fade away
I thought it was sweet but, maybe change the first two lines to... "The moon rolls down, and the sun begins to rise." Since you talk about the start of a new day. Just my opinion.
Just be careful of your syllables-per-line ratio. It'll flow better if they alternate more smoothly. Try going through it stanza by stanza and figure out how you want it to sound I love the concept and the imagery though!! Great song... You don't hardly need any critiquing.
Thanks! I'll definitely take some time and look through it. I was just trying to get everything I feel down on paper (well...computer screen)
OK! Changed it up some, how's this? ~ The dark fades away As the sun begins to rise On this new day Where will this path lead us? (No one yet knows) You asked me once If you ever changed your mind If you felt that deep inside You had made the wrong choice (What would I do?) And I told you this I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away Baby please don’t cry I’m not worth the tears I don’t even know how You can love someone like this (Yet somehow you do) You have stood by my side Day after day Being my strength and my faith Not letting me fall (Now let me be yours) Because I will always say I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away Through all the lies Through all the tears You have never walked away Never left me here I promise I will work hard So I can be that person The one that you need That can bear your burdens So if you ever lie awake Staring at the ceiling Please think of me And know you are not alone (And always remember) I will always say I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away I will stand here waiting For the rest of my life Holding my arms open Waiting to hold you tight I will stand here waiting Watching the horizon With a heart full of love That will never fade away Never fade away
anyone else? opinions? thoughts? i'm actually gonna take this home to MD with me and record it and then send it to her.