Hi all, I'm a teenager from the midwest that has been straight my entire life, but suddenly a few months ago, *boom* I started to be very confused and questioning. I've had a few girlfriends, one which I went pretty far with, and it always felt so right I never even thought of being gay. Now, I find myself looking at guys and losing interest in girls... I've gone back and forth in my head at least a dozen times "You're straight" "No, you're gay" "No, you're bi" and so on, causing a lot of anxiety. To add more complexity to the problem, I've never been too turned on by the thought of doing things with guys: actually its something that's revolting to me. Despite the spark that's gone out of texting girls and talking to girls, etc I still don't know if I could sustain a relationship with a guy, especially on the intimate side of things. It's not an issue of not being accepted; indeed I live in a pretty liberal town and have talked about my confusion with my parents who say they will support and love me no matter what... For those of you who've been here, help I can't figure out my orientation!
HI there, and welcome to EC! I think one of the most basic ways to start exploring what's going on for you is to think about where your eyes wander when you're not really paying attention. Like at the beach, or the mall, or somewhere where attractive guys or girls around your age might be hanging out. Do you find your eyes naturally wandering toward guys? girls? both? Do you find guys' butts or chests more attractive than girls' butts, chests, etc? What about masturbating when *not* looking at porn? Where, in your mind's eye, are your fantasies? Are you imagining yourself with a guy or a girl? Those can be helpful to give you some insight. Also, the idea of sex with a guy being revolting isn't, in itself, very revealing at this stage; if you are gay and in denial, the "revolting" response is the first thing that comes up as a protection for the denial. And most straight guys who are pretty comfortable with themselves don't find gay sex "revolting", it's more just an "Ew, not for me." sort of thing. So maybe if you can think about those things and post a little bit more about what you feel about them, we can help you clarify your thoughts a bit further.
In general, the girls are still the ones that catch my eye (although it does seem a lil like a conscious effort now and then), and I've never successfully fantasized about a guy... at this point in time, girl's chests and butts are more alluring, but I've started to notice guy's features all the same (especially muscle development. I should add that I've never exactly been muscular)... however, I've started to get sorta uneasy around guys all the same, and I've suddenly become a lil less uneasy around women. I suppose, above all, I should add in how this is just so darn sudden. Within the past month this has popped up, and beforehand had never even occured to me... Thank you so much for taking time to reply!
I m with you on this one. I like to look at both cute girly and guys and always wonder if a relaitonship with a guy would make me feel at ease, more serene etc.. I cant really imaginegetting physical with a guy yet, also gay (soft) porn doesnt do it for me and when I try to fantasize about guys I do not really enjoy it, the female body attracts me more from a physical point of view but I m curious and check out guys' physique too. Also when I see you cute guy and look at him I try to stop myself from doing so. The same for girls though, since I dont want them to notice that I m checking them out. If I see a couple I first and very briefly check out the girl then immediately the guy feeling guilty that I checked out 'his' girl. I find gay couples interesting to say the least. With some of my male friends I feel a compulsion to kiss them, I dont know if I really want to or thats , well, more of a compulsion that sexual longing. I have rather strange thoughts in my head, of kissing and my father for example. I am def homoromatic but for now heterosexual, I long for deep relationships with men, maybe the physical side follows suit, maybe not. I would like to be in a relationship but for now I think it is better to observe myself and maybe one day I can be in one again, no matter what sex. if you think you are bi, then take it as some kind of 'superpower'. I m also much more at ease around girls than I used to be. I m not nervous any more, partly because I feel I have a personality now and it is not only looks that (used) to matter (to me). for what its worth...
