Gaydar Experiences and Tips

I wrote this in another thread. Rather than write it again, I've just copied it to paste here:

"Seems to me that gaydar is a fallacy. You can't tell how a person likes their sex based on immediate observation...unless of course you're talking about understanding body language and I really don't think the amount of people that profess to have "gaydar" are that good at reading body language.

No, what people mistake for gaydar is actually a combination of factors.
1) Plain simple stereotypes. Everyone knows what those stereotypes are and often those stereotypes have some basis in reality.
2) Probablity. The probablity of someone being LGBT(MNOPQRSUVWXYZ) is actually quite high when considering large groups. If you're in a classroom of, say, 30 people and you discount yourself, you're still likely to have 1 or 2 people who enjoy their carnality with the same sex.
3) Luck and amnesia. While I am sure I'll get alot of "no, I only think certain people are gay and they turn out to be" type comments, the simple truth is, you, as an LGBT(MNOPQRSUVWXYZ) will consider alot more people to be actually gay/bisexual/other BUT only the ones that you have confirmed as gay/bisexual/other, will register as an accurate "gaydar" assessment.
4) Wishful thinking. We all want certain people to be gay/bisexual/other for whatever reason, it's just coincidence that, then, some of them are.

I am quite sure that alot of people will disagree with me, but, yeah, "gaydar" is a myth and what is actually occurring is the combination above happening all at once...which I suppose could be called "Gaydar" itself, but that isn't what most people think it is.

Note: Noticing a boy check out another boy's bottom is not "gaydar" it is merely noticing."

 

Although Blightedsight explained very well why the gaydar is a myth, I have an explanation as to why it can really exist and work.

Before humans became civilized the animal part of us had much better senses and was closer to our base instincts. We could smell the different hormones from other beings and our brains naturally interpreted it, came out as instinct.

Today, some of that instinct remain, very deeply subconscious. You just know some things without knowing why you know them... well, some of us do. That's because we have a closer connection to that animal part in us and our brain interprets signs. I'm not saying that it's about watching for stereotypes, no, but there's a bit of body language involved, indubitably.

So that's the gaydar for you, and it really does work for some people.

---------- Post added 19th Aug 2012 at 04:49 AM ----------

Oh and for tips... try and error is the best way around. Like when you try to get your brain to accurately tell you the time, you guess the time before checking the clock? And with lots of practice eventually you don't need to check the clock anymore.

Well try to guess and then figure out if you were right or not. Eventually that sense in you will be more easy to read and you'll become right more often.

 

Find a Starbucks. That's where I went to develop my gaydar. Bring a book and just observe people, their mannerisms, how they react around different genders, where their eyes wander. Starbucks is filled with gays so you should be right fairly often ;-).

 

I almost completely agree with blightedsight, but I do have one thing to add. I don't know if it's the same with gay guys, but there's a very specific look (often accompanied by the tiniest of smirks) that happens between two lesbians- a sort of mutual acknowledgement. It's rarely a conscious thing, it just sort of seems to happen, regardless of how you may initially perceive them. That's helpful too!

 

Huh. I don't think that gaydars are entirely a myth, and have had excellent success identifying people. I think it has to do with the way people connect to you- there's something ever so slightly different about the way that someone connects to you if they're attracted to your sex/gender than if they're not. It's hard to tell just by watching people, though. You need to spend time hanging out with them.

I do sometimes have a hard time sometimes telling lesbians and gender-variant people apart...

 

I entirely disagree with the notion that it is all based on Stereotypes, Luck, etc. In reality fiquring out someone sexuality is no different than figuring out favorite color. Many would guess someones favorite color based on their cloths, the most common color in their house, etc. However, most people do not actually wear their favorite colors, nor do they outwardly seek to use it very often. So how can you figure it out if they dont tell you. It is all about analyzing the right characteristics.

The point is that many people use stereotypes all the time in attempts to come to conclusions about people. However, just because the stereotypes do not apply to everyone doesnt mean that there arent anyways of figuring out these things. Now, I am not saying that the people who simply look at someone and think they know everything about them are at all correct. But the ideal that "no one can find out unless I tell them because it impossible", "Or my mind is too complicated", is incorrect. Neurosciences have proven that our minds are indeed very complex, however there are very distinct links found in all of us that rely information.

So the probability that your best friend, Becky, has an perfect gaydar is unrealistic, how the idea that it can be done by someone more knowledgable isnt.

 

I've had that happen to me too. Like, you make eye contact and you just sort of sense a sort of familiarity. It's only on occasion, though. I doubt that it happens with every gay/bi guy I meet.

 

Oh, of course it doesn't happen with everybody. I just meant that when it DOES happen, it's usually a pretty solid hint.

 

First off, I don't believe you can learn how to improve a "gaydar". Having a gaydar is some what like a 6th sense but is really more like a pseudoscience than a real talent or skill. That probably makes me quite a hypocrite because I believe I have quite a good one.

 

I agree with what Blindedsight said, but I tend to look at a person's interests more than anything else. My friends and I have a mutual friend and all of us had suspected that he was gay since day one. I knew he was gay when he quoted Kim Cattrall. There isn't a straight man on this earth that could tell you the first thing about her, let alone quote her. Two years after my friends and I all sat down and came to the conclusion together that he's gay, and even after we confronted him about more than a couple times, and he firmly denied that he was gay or bisexual whatsoever for years, he finally came out a few months ago.

I think gay men tend to be a little more animated when they talk and are a little more conscious when it comes to eye contact. In my own experience, it's held for either too long or not long enough, to the point where it's unnatural and then it becomes suspicious. And like others said, I guess I look for stereotypes but there's also just something about them that you can't describe, but you just know that they're not straight. It's not wishful thinking, it's something.

And I know that sounds so hokey but it's true, and I think supported by the fact that on EC a while ago in another thread, there was a "Which one is the gay one" quiz and a lot of people got 15-18 out of 20 right. That's pretty good.

 

i agree with blightedsight completely on the factors that contribute to having a gaydar you think works. I suffer from symptom #4 unfortunately

 

When it comes to gaydar ALWAYS pay attention to shoes. The way one sits or holds things (e.g. a cigarette) can be really useful clues. Also, the crowd with which that person hangs out is of essential relevance. If you're at school look at their schoolbags...

I'm not saying that all gays wear fabulous shoes, sit and hold things funny, hang out with other gays, and wear a Longchamp pliage to school... but in my experience (or in case your gaydar is completely useless/broken) paying attention to small details is incredibly useful. Us gays are prompt to doing certain things (maybe even unconsciously) that straight men would hardly ever do.

 

See, now that sounds like a challenge to me - one I'm pretty sure I'd win with a simple excursion to a Star Trek convention