bonjour, i have known many gold star lesbians who look down on others because they are not gold star. somehow *some* gold star femmes think they are better than those who are not. do you/have you known any people like this, were they femme or butch e.t.c? note: i ask because i seem to have known a lot of mean femme women, that hate on butch women e.t.c and im not sure why. just curious to how common it is (note the past tense, i am no longer friends with them lol)
What does "gold star" mean? I'm guessing that it's... exclusive femme/butch? I don't know, so correct me if I'm wrong please
^ I thought "gold star" meant you're a lesbian who's never slept(/done sexual things?) with a man, though I'm possibly wrong about that too. EDIT: Beat me to it. O;
Ohhh... I suppose I'm a double gold star :lol: hahahaha But anyway, I've never heard of that being an issue, really ever. This is the first time I've heard of it at all, in any way, shape, or form.
Well, I'm a gold star but I don't look down upon those who have had sex with the opposite sex. And I have never met a lesbian who acted mean toward those who are not gold stars. The only thing I have encountered is some people who have had a sense of pride in their "gold star" status. Most of my friends that are prideful about this are gay guys but that is probably because most of the lesbians I know have had sex with men/a man before. Other than that I haven't heard much though. The gay guy friends never look down upon people either.
I haven't noticed it, no... I laugh about it with my friends, but it's all kind of a joke between us. Like, it's not a point of pride, just something I pointed out once haha. I don't take it seriously, and I've never met anyone who looks down on others for not being gold star... but then again... I'm not friends with a lot of lesbians. I have a different problem altogether--as a femme, I'm not recognized as being gay for the most part. I'm assumed to be a straight girl. Or a fag hag because all my gay friends are male. >_> But that's a different problem entirely...
I hate the everloving shit out of the gold star thing. If you're going to look down on or refuse to be with another woman because she's been with men before, you can just fuck yourself.
I've never known anyone like this but that's probably because I don't really know many lgbt people. It's extremely obnoxious for people to criticize someone because they've had sex with the opposite sex. If anything this gold star stuff reminds me of the concept of virginity. Like if you've only had sex with women you're somehow "pure". It's kinda dumb.
the first time i heard about gold star was on the 1 girl 5 gays lesbian episodes. i can see how some people would use that as a tool to make themselves feel superior, but that depends on the personality of a person. if they couldn't use that then they'd use something else to make themselves sound better. and i do know people like that, so i would not be surprised if they were to bring it up. what about a person who thought about/attempted to have a heterosexual experience, but didn't follow through all the way? am i a silver star lebsian? hahaha this is why terms like this just don't matter
"Gold star" is originally a lesbian term. This is only the second time I've ever heard of it in a context that applies to gay men as well. I've never heard a gay man claim one. It refers to lesbians who have never had sex with men. I have never had sex with a man, but I would never use this term. The underlying idea is related to the concept of virginity--by having sex with a man, you permanently lose a "special" status. He takes that status, by having sex with you. This idea is also the reason that bisexual women are thought to really just be straight, but any man who has ever had sex with a man once, or even thought about it, is considered completely and permanently gay, forever: having sex with a man, even once, has permanent implications for your status in society, while having sex with women doesn't matter. Having sex with a man somehow degrades a person, and everyone's sexuality is defined by whether or not they have sex with men. It's also related to the idea you sometimes see in gay male communities, that bottoming makes a person less manly; if you are penetrated by a man, you permanently lose status. Yeah, I really don't like the gold star business. Why lesbians are fond of this clearly misogynistic system that allows a man to diminish a woman's status is beyond me.
I couldn't agree with your conclusions more Ianthe. However, I think it's even worse than that because of the unspoken subtext. It basically goes to the belief that lesbian sex isn't "real" sex, and that the only "real" sex is with a man. :tantrum: I honestly cannot stand crap like this, it's utterly disgusting and an insult to the entire community. It's bringing heteronormative behavior and applying it to ourselves, frequently by adapting the very stereotypes and beliefs they use against us. I could also go on a long rant about the fake sanctity of virginity in general, but that's another topic all together.
i also agree. i do have a friend (one of my absolute best friends) who would consider herself to be bisexual, but her family is nutsy and it's just easier for her to be straight. anyway, when she does talk about the one lesbian relationship she's had she doesn't want it to count on her list of sexual partners. she can't understand how it is "real sex." and we've discussed it a couple of times, she doesn't mean anything bad by it, she literally cannot wrap her head around it because it didn't involve a penis. i do get why she doesn't get it (even though i disagree that real sex requires a phallus) and i think that some people just won't get certain things no matter how many times you explain a thing to a person.
I don't understand the looking down on anyone thing. Don't we get judged enough without judging amongst ourselves? And how can any butch look down on femmes!! They are the best thing EVER lol
Yes, it's definitely an extension of the idea that sex with women doesn't matter that lesbian sex is irrelevant or invalid--"not real sex."
I think anyone who looks down on another person simply because of who they have/do sleep with is someone who deserves nothing but absolute contempt.
