Are You A Loner?

Throughout the years, I have managed to acquire many friends and associates. The majority of the time, I feel most comfortable when alone.

I then feel no need to have to offer an explanation or validate my feelings to anyone. Despite, the fact that most of my friends are transgender, even they grate my nerves at times with unrealistic expectations from me, society, and themselves.

The only real solace that I know that I can depend upon is knowing, that at the end of the day, I am a better and stronger person than I was the previous day, for surviving all the other days before that one, alone.

I now actually enjoy my lone time and my down time...

It was while alone for about four days in a row, back in 1999, that I decided once and for all, not to go through with SRS or HRT. That was most probably the best decision that I've ever made in my entire life. I would have been such an unhappy camper...

 

Human interaction is always a healthy venture. However, we do always need time to reflect and reevaluate various events and people that we've experienced in life. Without serious time for refection, we can often be caught unprepared for similar experiences in the future. We are therefore, no wiser for the past experiences. Improving upon our skill in making friends and associates is a very valuable one. However, the skill to properly assess those friends and associates, is no less significant.

Therefore, you're not inept, your just working upon improving your skills. Of course, this is a lifetime ongoing process, so I hope you have to gift of patience.

Good Luck to You, My Friend!

PS.

Knowing how to endure being alone would be considered a skill by many others...

---------- Post added 26th Aug 2012 at 11:10 PM ----------

(Eventhough I can't really hear you...)

Listening to you, sounds like a conversation with myself...

---------- Post added 26th Aug 2012 at 11:32 PM ----------

I managed to make several friends who are artists. They're all like you are! They're almost always happy to see me. However, if they're ever in the midst of producing one of their "babies", I then know that it's time to step away.

Heaven forbid, if I were to ever interrupt a materpiece. That would be like a forced abortion or something.

Sometimes, we could be engrossed in what I would think would be a profound conversation, when suddenly they've lost track and whenever I ask about the nature of the distraction, I always get something like, "You know I was thinking about changing the baseline of this tune", or I'll get, "So what did you think of that felt effect for my drawing?" Ususally, just something completely in leftfield, making you realize that there's always something else of greater importance going on, than just your little trivial conversation, that you once thought was significant.

I guess that's what makes them interesting to me. Though I know that they value both me and our interactions, they're always allowing their genius to create, grow, and expand. Of course, I sometimes behave similarly. I never feel the need for them to excuse themselves for being themselves, I just appreciate the time that we share together.

 

Julia, you describe us so well....

You made me think of people who move to Alaska and build log cabins, only to occasionally travel to the nearest town for a few replacements of goods and just a little collateral social interaction.

---------- Post added 26th Aug 2012 at 11:46 PM ----------

Hey there Nocturnal!

You're really young now...

High School is a great time to hone your social skills. If I were you, I'd try to improve upon my ability to interact with others, while knowing all the while, that deep down inside, you really appreciate your lone time.

Your social skills are going to become necessary in the future when you need to network while looking for a job, while interacting as a good team player at work, while looking for a lover, while negotiating the right price for a house, or a car. Social skills are very important! However, once you've acquired them, never forsake the true enjoyment of being alone...Unless you love being with someone else more, of course!

---------- Post added 26th Aug 2012 at 11:48 PM ----------

Same here, Cascade!

 

Hey there Deedee!

You're at a great age to do all of the social interaction that you ever possibly do. Learn how to survive and thrive in diverse social situations. Learn how to properly defend your position and when the time is necessary to defend. Of course, defending when it's either not neccessary or futile, is just plain silly. However, you've got to be able to discern various scenarios of reality as quickly and accurately, as possible. Sharpening your socials skills with frequent human interaction will allow you such a discernment advantage.

Thus far, you seem to be headed in a very good place, socially speaking. So keep up the good work!

PS.

However, never forsake your lone downtime!

 

Hi there Josh!

You know with me, I learned that there are some 1 minute people, some zero minute people, and some everyday people. The everyday people, are the ones of which you almost never tire. You derive energy, enthusiasm, and/or ideas from them. Somehow you feel as though your association with them can only be an asset to your natural development as a person. You either feel connected to them, or at least you'd like to feel that there's some kinda mutual connection. You would really prefer to see these dear people, everyday! Then there's the one minute people. Somehow you've learned that spending too much time with them is like running on the treadmill. Your conversations never really amount to much and somehow they just don't strike your fancy. These people, you've learned that the casual hello and goodbye such suffice under ordinary circumstances. Then there's the zero minute people. These people are usually either social predators of some sort or they just grate your nerves whenever present. To you, they should be avoided at practically all costs.

I think the key here Josh, is determining just who everday people are in life and arranging the mutual agreement to spend time with one another. I've found my everyday people to be members of the transgender community, artists, scientists, and people involved in education.

I say, find a sport or hobby that's fun and engages you. Then build friendships around that activity. Of course, since you're in college now, certainly someone shares your interests within your same major. You could let that be a point of commonality and just start from that point of discussion, onward.

At any rate, you're no Darryl Downer!

PS.

If you don't already have a hobby or sport, just get a bicycle and ride. Meet cyclists on the road or wherever cyclists hang out. Perhaps join a road bike club. Of course, there's always skate boards and kayaks too!

 

I say, practice working on your social skills by arranging some type of regular social interaction with a group of people. Various clubs, social organizations, and churches, would be a good start. You could also volunteer within your city to help others. To remain socially awkward could serve to be disadvantageous in the future. Therefore, engaging with others on a regular basis would help to alleviate much future awkwardness, if taken seriously. Eventually overtime, you'll feel just as cool as a cucumber, as you weave in and out of the social network and gain new friends in the process.

---------- Post added 27th Aug 2012 at 10:35 AM ----------

I dunno. I have fairly good social skills. However, I could go years without seeing or talking to another individual, and I don't think it would effect me in the least.

BTW, I'm still human too!

---------- Post added 27th Aug 2012 at 10:37 AM ----------

Join your local gay PRIDE organization and make more meaningful relationships. They may even turn out to be friendships.

---------- Post added 27th Aug 2012 at 10:44 AM ----------

If you love music that much, then why not get a musical instrument and become an artist, yourself. Then listening time, would become playing time. Overtime, your playing will most inevitably improve. Quite possibly to the point of being band worthy. Becoming a band member, means possible greater bonding and friendship building.