1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it hard for anyone else to say it?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by prism, Aug 27, 2012.

  1. prism

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2012
    Messages:
    749
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    I'm in the process of coming out and have only told two close female friends. I was talking to one of these friends in my room yesterday about dating, but I couldn't actually say the words "I'm gay." We both just sort of beat around the bush and implied it using other words. Things like, "Yeah, I know he has a crush on me, but you know..."

    My stomach even turned when she asked me if I was interested in having a girlfriend this year. I know that she knows and is cool with it, but it's just so weird hearing it out loud.

    I know this is probably just part of the process of becoming comfortable with talking about it, so I'm more interested in your personal experiences. Is this happening, or has it happened, to anyone else? How did you get over it?
     
  2. Chels

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2012
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    To me it's still like that, even though I've known it for years I've only aknowledged it more or less a year ago, and I still find it kind of awkward to say. As weird as it is, at the beginning was the last reason that was holding me back from telling to my friend. Actually, when I came out to her I told her I had been into girls, I never actually told her I was bi, and I never did even with my other friend, I always tried to find another way to say it.
    I agree with you though, I think it'll take time to be completely comfortable being so open, but i guess it even depends on what kind of person you are, i have a couple friends that are perfectly fine just saying it even to complete random survey guys you find out in the streets
     
  3. Lance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah, it's definitely still hard for me to say it and I've been out for about 5 years. I think a lot of it has to do with the negative stigma and shame society has put on it.
     
  4. pancake111

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    I have the same problem. I don't think I've ever said it out loud even though I'm out to my parents and bff. I think it takes some getting used to. The more comfortable you get with your sexuality, the easier it will get.
     
  5. ameliawesome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2012
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    south jersey shore
    Yeah, it was like that for me for a while. It helped to say it to myself while alone. I think that I was so worried that people would think I *chose* to be gay (formerly I'd said I don't discriminate gender), but I realized that it doesn't even matter what anyone thinks. I'm comfortable with saying I'm gay to anybody now, so I think you'll reach that point soon enough.
     
  6. timo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    2,904
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    berlin
    I'm comfortable talking about being gay to people who I'm out to (but only when I'm out, the coming out part is still hard) but I'm having difficulties saying the actual words "I'm gay".

    The other day I was talking to one of my closest friends (male, straight) about being gay. It was the most awkward thing ever and I was surprised I could be so open about it. But as open as I were, I couldn't get myself to actually say the word 'gay' out loud. Even thought I told him "it's okay to call it by its name" when he was looking for words other than 'gay'.
     
  7. Vanille

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    It's hard for me to say it. I can say it in my head a thousand times but out loud, I just can't seem to find the words. I say things like "I'm into girls" or "Not interested in men" but I don't think I've ever said "I'm gay". Especially not directly to someone else
     
  8. BudderMC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    3,148
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Same. And I think the few times I actually say something like "...because I'm gay", I always have this sense of awkward unease after, like the world should be ending. Somehow saying "gay" makes it that much more real.
     
  9. sugarcubeigloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2011
    Messages:
    561
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Yeah. Its almost like the word "gay," when I say it, becomes a tangible thing. Like that word has weight. I don't know if that makes sense, but its crazy how one word can throw me for a loop like that. Although, I'm getting better talking about being gay with people that I'm out to. I'll sometimes practice in my car while I'm alone: I'll roll up the windows and "tell" people walking around that I'm gay. It sounds stupid now while I'm typing this out, but its actually really therapeutic. :lol:
     
  10. AtheistWorld

    AtheistWorld Guest

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,409
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I experienced that too in the first stages of it. I just got desensitized to the shock of admitting it after coming out to different people. After telling my family, the rest was so easy. Compared to everyone else, it wasn't hard. That made it eaier to reveal it to others.

    I'm definitely more comfortable with admitting my sexuality than I am with telling people that I'm a genderqueer. These days I'm so good at being a female that it's hard to spot that I'm not a biological female. I can go out in public and nobody would know that I'm not biologically female. With my family, I'm pretty open about it. Everyone knows my sexuality, but I'm still pretty closeted about my gender identity. Only my family and closest friends know.

    I'm pretty sure you'll get comfortable confessing you're a lesbian the more you do it. Eventually, you'll be okay with it, just like I'll be fine with telling everyone I'm a genderqueer. For now, I don't want to overwhelm everyone since it's been less than a year that I told them about my sexuality.

    Nowadays, I find it empowering to admit my sexuality to others. Honestly, it feels so good to confess it to others.

    Less than 6 months ago, I wouldn't even have the nerve to join a site like this, much less discuss this stuff so openly. By joining this site, you've made a step forward. I think talking about this stuff here will be useful to tackling this problem irl.
     
    #10 AtheistWorld, Aug 27, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2012
  11. AshenAngel

    AshenAngel Guest

    Saying it when you're by yourself helps solidify the concept of speaking the words out loud versus just thinking it. "I'm gay. I like girls. I'm a lesbian.." stuff like that... Lol, thats what I did.
     
  12. SohoDreamer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeds, England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    With guys, I still find it awkward and I try never to discuss it with them. I was in McDonald's with my 2 best male friends yesterday, and one of them asked (politely) what the situation was with my sexuality, and I sort of nervously laughed and said bi. I almost had to physically force myself to utter that syllable. Anyway, he just said "cool", there was an awkward silence and we changed the subject.

    But with girls, I talk about my sexuality and I discuss hot guys with them all the time. I guess I just find it easier to talk to girls, about more personal stuff. Then again, I don't feel so self conscious around my guy friends, but I think that's probably because they're straight so I know I don't have to worry about me looking like an idiot in front of them.
     
  13. Aielar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2011
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver Island
    Yup, there is no way (right now anyway) that I'm going to say I'm bi - it was hard enough to say I swing both ways when I came out to my parent. I have no problem saying it in my mind though.
     
  14. Vesper

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    1,393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, The Land of Cheese and Beer
    I still have a hard time saying that word, or the L-word, in reference to myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to, really.

    Now that I'm starting to suspect I'm simply asexual, I'm looking forward to not having to use those words at all.
     
  15. Jonathan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Illinois
    Like someone else mentioned, if I'm already out to a person and I'm just talking with them, I have no problem saying it. However, at the actual moment when I come out to someone, it is really difficult to say. I've found that saying something like "I'm not straight" is much easier.
     
  16. Alex94

    Alex94 Guest

    I am fine telling people and talking about it although I do get a little bit of a sinking feeling in my gut....Telling my fam. though would prob. cause me to have like a panic attack or somethin'...
     
  17. Blu

    Blu
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2012
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    At first I could only say it in my head but than I became comfortable saying it aloud to myself. Now I'm like at the very edge of telling everyone so I can live my life the way god attended. I have to contain myself sometime because when a girl hits on me or thinks I'm hitting on her I just want to say back away I'm gay......lol but I catch it before its to late. You know my biggest fear is having to create a new life. Not acceptance....I'm fine with being gay now. I just don't want to have to explain or try to explain why I'm the way I am. Its not fair. I hide it now for career purposes because I only want to be that guy...not that gay guy.
     
  18. musikk021

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2012
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah, it's definitely something that's hard to say out loud. I mean, I've never actually come out to anyone, as in sitting them down and telling them, "I'm gay," but the thought of it scares me. I've had plenty of good opportunities to come out to some of my straight friends, who basically created some perfect chances during conversations for me to just tell them, but I was always too afraid.

    The one time that I've said "I'm gay" out loud was during one of my college LGBT club meetings. They had us stand up on a chair to introduce ourselves to everyone there. We had to state our names and some other basic information and then state our sexual orientation. I remember being so freaking scared that it would come my turn to speak. When it was finally my time, I got up, said all the stuff, and then when I said "I'm gay," I remember my voice getting quieter and kind of trailed off haha. I just said it really quickly and quietly, and it felt so awkward!
     
  19. Yes! I've had plenty of opportunities and can't get the words out. Most recent one happened tonight my friend was talking about going to her gay cousin's wedding which seemed like the perfect opportunity but didn't take advantage. Also said the dreaded "If I were gay." What the hell past me? :rolle:
     
  20. Mercuree

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2012
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Western Cape
    I agree. Have no probs discussing it with my friends, even get somewhat annoyed when they refuse to say things because they are worried about making me uncomfortable or offending me..

    but without their support I would not be as open about it today nor as accepting of it. I am even happy to say it in front of strangers, when friends are present..

    But getting here took time. I don't think that you should rush it. Just let the acceptance come freely, coz when it does - life just gets so much better.