This is a bit of a mini-rant that I always have going on about my experiences with safe spaces of lgbtq people: I have been to 4 lgbtq safe spaces in my life and all I can say from them is that I hated being there. I hate the culture of it. I hate that you are looked down upon if you aren't gay enough or if you are the "wrong" type of queer person. I hate that they cater to the idea that all gay men care about is fashion and gossip and that all lesbian women care about is motors plaid. I hate that the people in these organizations complain about homophobia yet refuse to take a stand against it. I hate that it's always relationship drama and that people will get bullied into leaving if they start dating whoever is designated the hottest (happened to a friend of mine). I hate that, if I want to find a sector of the gay community that I fit in, I'd have to transfer from my university to one in Toronto, abandon my friends, and basically start my entire life up again just because I don't fit in. I hate that, if I complain about this out loud, these people can ruin my romantic life for the next 3 years because they'll spread rumours about me in the one gay bar in this city (and they will, the person that warned me about this had it happen to a few friends of his). I hate that I have gotten more acceptance over being myself from straight men than my own community. That is some backwards-ass bull:***: if I do say so myself.
Wow, that sucks. I am not aware of stuff like that. However, I have had enough experiences with "safe spaces" to know that they basically enforce a culture of accepting everything, even if it's stupid. Of course, it's not possible to accept everything, because some things are mutually exclusive. Therefore, safe spaces still have certain kinds of bigotry. Basically, they have whatever bigotry is given a free pass. For whatever reason, "safe spaces" punish call out culture.
Obviously the spaces you were in weren't really "safe" if you experienced what you did. A lot of LGBT people are very "broken" emotionally because they've been devalued, rejected, shunned, or worse. So it's understandable to an extent why they might act bitter or angry or even judge others (after all, that's a behavior that people use to make themselves feel better.) But that doesn't make it OK for a "safe space" to be a place filled with judgment and gossip. Have you considered talking to the people that run the safe space(s) you've been to about your experience? I'd think they'd really want to know so they can take steps to improve the situation.
Like I said at the end of the first post, people have tried to tell them what is going wrong, but it has resulted in said people being further shunned from the lgbtq community. The people in charge don't think there's anything wrong because they have been treated with respect from the minute they joined.
Well, you might just have to be yet another person to try. I would try it respectfully. Just say why you don't feel safe or included and what is alienating about it. Just keep it to "I feel" rather than "you are" statements. If that doesn't work, I am very sorry. But sometimes you can't fix evil. One thing though is that there might be more of the queer community than just people who frequent the bar. Some folks might not be out. Try the internet. I was kind of surprised in my area at how many interested (if not necessarily interesting) people there were.
