Too big an age gap?

Is it wrong to be attracted to her? Of course not!
Would it be wrong to date her? Maybe.
It's less about the actual number of age and more about life experience and where you're at. It's EXTREMELY rare to find someone 19 and someone 28 who are at the same level emotionally, in the same place in life, etc. If you aren't in the same place, then the relationship isn't going to be healthy. Often it turns into a weird thing where one (the older party) has a sort of power over the other (the younger party) and this isn't the equal standing needed for good relationships. Besides, I feel like it would be really difficult for someone older to find common ground with someone who hasn't figured themselves out at ALL yet, who doesn't know what they want in life or where they're going, or who has little to no real-life experience at being independent (ahem. most 19 year old people.)

 

Personally, I think that's totally fine. If you guys are able to handle eachother's maturity levels, then by all means, go for it! Some of the best relationships are ones with large age gaps. You shouldn't worry about it too much, just go for it!

 

No. Adults are adults. Just Sunday, I slept with a guy ten years my senior. I am not scarred for life.

My dad is happily married to a woman more than ten years his junior, and it's a quite functional relationship.

 

Okay, I actually agree with this and now I'm face-palming.

Just to amend what I said earlier... Just having sex with someone, I don't think it matters how old, as long as it's legal.

And the older you get, the less an age gap will matter because people start to catch up with each other life-wise. When you're 19 though, I feel like there hasn't been time for that to happen.

 

Well, according to the XKCD equation, (age/2)+7, 28/2=14+7=21. So close.

 

Agreed.

Though of course, there are many cases of relationships - or at least sexual encounters - between people of varying age gaps. There was a girl in my English class who's a lesbian, and her first semi-relationship was with a 33 year old woman when she was 17. There's an LGBT youtube video channel collab where one of the girls was like 15 or 16 when she had her first time with a 30 year old. So in your case, the 19 and 28 isn't all that far apart. I'm 19, and I totally had a little crush on one of my coworkers who's 28 :icon_wink Not to mention, last semester, my English professor was 38, but I had the biggest crush on her. She's smart, funny, witty, charming, and unbelievably gorgeous. She looks like she's 30. Nonetheless, crushes are harmless, but a relationship with someone who's significantly older may feel awkward (at at least for me).

 

For hook ups, yeah sure go for it. But if you are talking about a serious and healthy relationship, then no.

At that age, 9 years is HUGE in terms of maturity and experience alone. A 19 year old girl is probably recently out of high school and just starting to think about her career and what she wants to do with her life. In contrast, someone who is 28 is usually over with all of that and well into starting their careers with their own friends and 9 years worth of experience under their belt.

All of that combined will almost always prevent a healthy relationship between two people because one person will always have more power over the other one. In most cases, the relationship always turns into a codependent relationship.

 

Absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to her. I'm currently in a very similar situation. While I completely agree with thedreamwatch about the potential problems that may arise in a relationship, I don't think there is any real rule. I feel it all depends upon the people themselves. I know people in their mid 30's and up who really haven't figured themselves out and have no clue where they're going in life. Or how the heck they're going to get there for that matter. Likewise I know people who knew exactly what they were going to do, where they wanted to go in life, and how they were going to do it, all before they were even 18. There's no reason someone who's 28 can't have some common interests with someone who's 19.

I think only you can figure out if a relationship would be a workable possibility. No doubt that it may take some time and energy, but any healthy relationship does. I honestly feel that, in some ways, a person with little to no life experience befriending someone older could be a positive experience for the younger person.

 

I dated someone who is 19 years old, and I didn't have a problem with it until I noticed how much more I have learned about life than him. It was hard to talk about emotions and life experiences, because his ideals and paradigms were much, much behind mine in maturity. Test the waters and find out. It doesn't matter how attractive the person is, once you see that they're lacking in maturity, you wont be attracted to them anymore, I swear.

 

I dont think there is anything wrong with it I just think that in terms of success of a relationship those with bigger age gaps probably have lower success rates. I think it is just a case of being at different stages of life and wanting different things but that being said there will be relationship with ages like those in your scenarios that do work.

 

I honestly don't see a problem with it at all, but I am biased. I just got out of a relationship that lasted nearly 6 years, long story on why it ended, and there was 18 years dfference...yes everyone was of legal age LOL The age was never an issue with us (others had their opinions but it didn't affect us) because maturity wise we were equals.

 

I kinda agree with this, but then again I don't. This one's really difficult..
See I am 19, my boyfriend is 25. Everything goes great. No we're not exactly at the same stages in our lives, but we have other things in common; have the same interests, and both have issues we help each other with. 25 and 28 is basically the same age career/stage in your life-wise, so looking at it from that perspective I'd say why wouldn't it work out for you.. same situation.
However on the other hand, I do notice differences - some big, some small - in the way me and my boyfriend see things, react to things, stuff like that. And that is definitely because of the age difference. It sometimes makes me feel a little naive and immature compared to him. It's not a real problem, like I said things have been going great for us, but at the same time I think that if you add a couple of years to his age, those differences probably would actually become a problem.
So I guess it all really comes down to how mature she is, and where she is in her life. I don't know her, so I can't tell if she's mature enough to make the relationship work.

 

Totally normal to be attracted to her.

I think that you will probably want to take the relationship to a serious place much sooner than she will. Depending on where you are in your life, it probably wouldn't work.

How did you get to know her? What is your relationship to her now?

In most circumstances, I actually think it might be bad for you to be making advances, even if it's just for a one-time thing. She is probably pretty inexperienced, despite the badass vibe, and she might have a hard time saying no to an older lesbian.

I sympathize, though. The badass vibe is so... :icon_redf appealing... And it can be hard to think of yourself as having the power in the relationship when she has that kind of dominant swagger. :icon_redf

 

I think it depends on how both the two of you see life, one of my bestfriends has been dating for 2 years a guy who's 10 years older and they get along great, they're on the same lenght. So i guess it comes down to that, if both of you are interested in eachother. I mean, If this person's mature enough for her age I guess why not

 

i dont think ten years is that much of an age gap.

its not like the 19 year old college football player making out with his 65 year old boyfriend... that is creepy.