I'd like to start off by saying that I am not mocking, condemning, judging or criticizing anyone or their decisions. I am truly a no harm/no foul minded guy so I rarely to never judge. The question I am about to ask truly stems from a curiosity I have had for many years. I have met a lot of gay men over the years and I would say that of those men, 90% of them have slept with at least one (in many cases, several) females. While some of these men identify as gay but add that they have a tiny bit of a bisexual tendency (about 10% of them), that leaves 80% of gay men that have slept with women and claim to have always been 100% gay with no sexual attraction to women whatsoever. Although I know that a lot of older gay men got into heterosexual relationships/encounters of some kind either as a "beard" or as an attempt to "correct" themselves for the sake of a unaccepting society, the alarming thing is that many of these "100% gay guys who have/do sleep with women" are under 25 years of age. I am 100% gay, have never had any form of sexual encounter with a female, nor would I. I'd be lying if I told you that I'd never had a fleeting curiosity about what the experience and sensation is like, but the key word is "fleeting" and I would not want to find out for myself. Even if I did, I know beyond any doubt that I would be able to achieve any form of erection making any sexual act with a female possible, much less intercourse. I think we all have curiosities about the unknown, such as what it feels like to jump from a 30 story building, but most of us do not have a strong enough desire to do this. So, how does this happen? How do/did you guys make the equipment work when you are 100% gay? It is along the same lines of why you never hear of a female raping a male (outside of unwelcome touching); if there is no attraction, the junk just will not work. I'm very curious about this so any personal experience stories, thoughts or comments are much appreciated!
I'll try to put it as simple as possible who you have sex with = not your sexual orientation. Especially men are capable of getting aroused by the mere thought of sex. Then there's the ability of the human mind to fantasize.
some men might not realise until later in life that they are gay, so they slept with a woman before realising. some men might date and sleep with women to make the 'gay-ness' go away. but they realise that it wont so they stop sleeping with women. some men might not know what they are and be confused and sleep with women to figure it out, then realise they are gay. just cuz a person is gay doesnt mean some people cant have had sexual experiences with the opposite gender. it doesnt make them 'less gay' or anything like that. some people have to experiment and figure themselves out, some people dont. it doesnt matter reverse all this and its pretty much the same for lesbians aswell.
flyinhernikes totally spot on and sums me up completely! Wasted most of my life in denial and now only just coming to terms with it. I LOVE women, but its only now that I realise that I prefer men in a sexual way. Took me a long marriage to really find that one out.
And some might just get so wankered they don't really care. I've not been to 4th base, but lips are lips and all that. Beyond there, it obviously gets a bit different, ha!
I do realize that there are as many degrees and labels of sexual orientation in this world as there are people so I know things can vary. Like I said, I'm talking strictly of men who self identify as 100% gay. I know I am one of those and I just don't see how it would be at all possible dor any form of arousal from a female. I know that given the right "touching" or substances, even a guy who is deffinately not my type could arouse me (due to my male brain) but a female? No luck. Of course, however, I can see how kissing is possible. Just not something I'd choose an again, somewhat confusing for those of us who are 100% gay.
Maybe this is just my projecting my multisexuality too much, but I still think that even if you are a gay man, some women can just be really attractive for you. (Dan Savage has actually commented on this, saying that he would totally have sex with a particular androgynous lesbian firefighter in Seattle, and I know of at least one poster here who is gay but totally plans to have sex with a woman in the near future.) Since I can definitely relate to gayness, I'd like to theorize that there are many enjoyable parts about women. There's wonderful legs, but, lips etc, and these are basically the same between men and women. So I can still imagine the equipment working, if you're in the right frame of mind with the right person.
if you were still asking why some men do then.... i dont think you get what we are trying to tell you lol. 'confusing for those who are 100% gay' - you are degrading gay men who have slept with women in the past. they can still identify as 100% gay even though they have slept with women. it doesnt make them 99% or 80% gay. it doesnt make you a 'better' gay man it doesnt make them any less of a gay man, having slept with a woman or not they are still 100% gay if that is how they identify regardless of the past experinces. some people need to figure it out by experimenting, some people dont. some people never know. all of those are fine. it doesnt matter if you cant understand why they would or how they would, it doesnt apply to you. we have given you reasons as to why so i would stop worrying/wondering
I too can appreciate a truly beautiful female however this is strictly platonic, as one would view a piece of fine art or a beautiful, historic building. ---------- Post added 22nd Sep 2012 at 05:00 AM ---------- If you read the first lines of my first two posts, you would have learned that I am not trying to judge or belittle and that I am specifically inquiring of a certain group of men who claim to be one sexual identity out of perhaps thousands. I also fail to see ( as you self identify as a lesbian female) why this is such a touchy subject or why you feel so knowledgeable about a subject pertaining to gay men. I'd never dare make such assumptions about females and/or lesbians because there is no way for me to personally know the answer. Believe it or not, I do have a perfectly legitimate and important reason for asking this but I would rather not reveal it at this time. Please try to understand.
A lot of '100% gay guys' I know have had sex with women in the past, but that's only because society told them that was the right thing to do. All of their peers were losing their virginity and sleeping with a girl was probably a way of them denying their sexuality or fighting against it. I personally haven't slept with a girl before, I've done other things, just not sex. I am gay, there's no doubt about that, but I would not rule out having sex with a woman if I found her attractive enough. I'd actually quite like to experience having sex with a female that knew I was gay, but just for the fun of it. I love kissing girls, but I love kissing in general, so it doesn't define my sexuality, I can honestly tell you my head never turns for a woman unless I'm just appreciating their beauty.
I agree with the comment above. When society says that all men should be attracted to women then that's what many gay men do, they sleep with women. As for the arousal part, Its not all too hard for most males to get sexually aroused. The physical, visual component is dependent on things like touching and friction. So 'getting it up' isn't a mission.
I'd also like to comment on the erection thing. I get erections by just thinking about getting an erection, I sometimes have them for no reason at all! The sheer thought of sex would do the job for me...
Just my point. When it comes to physical arousal, in my teens I could get erections when thinking that someone might see me naked. Gay or not, the idea of a girl touching me would have been enough for a very firm erection. If we are talking just about the sexual act as a physical sensation, although I've never tried it, I am convinced I could have sex with a woman without problems. The parts leading to it, though, are just impossible to go through since I don't care for women in that sense.
But it is or at least can be largely indicative of it no? ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2016 at 12:35 AM ---------- I think since they are under 25 they were probably just experimenting or curious Or maybe they were really more bisexual than that think and aren't really 100% gay
This topic is really old but I want to comment anyways. The men you've described sounds bisexual to me, it could very likely be that they don't want to identify themselves as bisexual because of the stigma it comes with. I don't know about the gay community, but in the lesbian community, there are lesbians out there that refuse to date bisexuals. I'm guessing this is the same thing that is happening with gay dudes?? But yeah, there are bisexual girls that call themselves lesbians even though they like sleeping with guys, and they do this because they don't like the bisexual label. I think people are just afraid of calling themselves bisexual, and would rather call themselves gay/lesbian so that they are "accepted" more by other gays/lesbians. Also, I gotta say, 90% is an incredibly high number. Holy cow.
Hopefully we can give each other some mutual insight. I am basically 100% gay, but lately I've been REALLY attracted to women. I don't have a problem with it (it's actually kind of exciting lol), but I also don't want to start calling myself bisexual, date some poor woman, and cause her problems, when I quit being attracted to women as suddenly as I started (this has happened before). I'm not sure if it's hormones or the weather, or both?? Maybe something else entirely??? Idk, but I do know that even though I still have a stronger attraction to men, Ive wanted to go hook up with a woman WAAAY more lately. Like this past week I was actually "talking" to a man and a woman, and I kind of ended up blowing the guy off (in the ignoring way, not the fun way) and talking to her a lot more. They're both really attractive. (lol with my luck, I'll marry a man, turn 40 and have a midlife crisis, and then realise I'm straight to the surprise of all my friends and family)
^^^That's the truth. And in the straight world, it's one of the things about men women complain of most. We don't think of sex as "commitment," but more or less we think of it as getting off. A lot of us, anyway. Which is where the idea came from, that "most men are a six pack away from being gay." To answer the OP question about how to get aroused, often the answer is just that--alcohol.
Wow I totally feel you. I am married to a woman but have come out to her as Bi. But I think I am leaning more towards Gay in my later years.I have needed medication for erections with my wife since I fell in love with her.....I always thought that was because of age.I still love her but I always fantasize about a man when having sex.:icon_sad: ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2016 at 01:45 PM ---------- I grew up in a time and place where is was not easy to be attracted to the same sex...it was down right dangerous. This may be a cop out but it definitely effected my choices. I have had two sexual encounters with same sex early in my life and this it where my fantasies go alot of the time But since I came out to my wife we have been visiting gay dance clubs "which has increased my fantasy material"..Looking for someone that I am drawn to both physically and emotionally that doesn't mind sharing.This may eventually end my married but I need to give the Bi in me a chance.
The term gay refers to your sexual PREFERENCE, not a sexual absolute. I know a few gay guys, well into their 20s or 30s who are 100% gay yet undertook a "fleeting" chance to sleep with a woman who was interested, just to say they had. As far as the why gays will sleep with the opposite sex, social pressures are an obvious culprit. Sexual curiosity another. Perhaps wanting to have a child and engaging in the "creation process."
100% gay is more a matter of identity and a statement of conviction than a rigorous accounting of many of these people's attraction patterns.
