When I was in high school I was popular I had tons of friends people loved me and people hated me, I had people looking at me all the time, people who wanted to be like me, but no one knew that I was gay. I mean I guess a few people had an idea I was because they asked me and I would always say no. being popular and being gay is really hard because when you are "popular" you get used to people talking about you because people are jealous, but you have to keep your cool. But insinde you know who you are you can try to convince your self your not gay but inside deep down you always know. But you can't let people know and that is the hardest part because you want people to like you for YOU not for this person you are portraying, and it hurts to see all these other people be themselves and people still like them, at some point you start to feel good about yourself and are happy and then it hits you that "oh ya your friends don't know" an for me that was the hardest part having to act my life out, the person they knew wasn't me, I was portraying what they wanted to see me like. If you are reading this and can relate to my life story please please listen, life will get better I can't tell you when but I can tell you it will, stay true to yourself and don't Forget who YOU are, I understand that you wont tell your friends because I didnt until after I graduated and even now I've only told one person. Hang in there love your self you will make it I know times get hard But hang in there. Please hang in there for me! I care for you and I feel you!
This is my life if you need advice ask me! And you don't have to be popular to ask me I'm a nice person!
Thanks for posting this. What you're talking about here is word-for-word the issue of "fitting in" vs "belonging." As humans, we have an innate, hardwired desire for connection, love, and belonging. But as gay teens, we discover that we don't "belong", because society, media, organized religion, and sometimes our parents and friends tell us otherwise. The belief that we aren't worthy of love and belonging is the basis of shame. So we "fit in", exactly as you've described above. And that, in turn, creates even more shame, because it simply reinforces the idea that we don't belong, and we have to create an inauthentic self in order to be liked... or at least, we *think* we do. But that comes at a high cost: we numb ourselves, which cuts us off from our emotions, our creativity, our courage, our sense of connection, love, and belonging. So it is reconnecting with our vulnerability, which is basically allowing ourselves to be seen, walking into the fear and calling upon our courage, that allows us to, once again, belong. It's only when we're being authentic... and are loved and appreciated for who we are, in our true, unvarnished selves, that we can feel love and belonging, experience the joy, creativity, and wholeheartedness that we were born to experience. And yes, it does get better, and as we stretch ourselves and take the risks of being seen and being vulnerable, that's when we can grow very quickly, and reach our real potential.
Thank you both! and thank you again chip for the kind reply and understanding THANK YOU! An thank you mpexhibitionboi for being so nice
