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The "Queer" Umbrella? (along with other things)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by factwithinfiction, Sep 22, 2012.

  1. factwithinfiction

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    That was my attempt at a witty title.

    Anywho, I was watching a commercial with a show with Michael Urie in it the other day and I was curious about his sexuality so I looked it up and he identifies himself as Queer. Now I'm aware that the term "queer" (upon my search on wikipedia) is an umbrella term for someone who likes anybody really...? That's where I got kind of confused because i was wondering what exactly is the difference between someone who identifies as queer and someone who is pansexual? I guess this applies to my life because the more I'm maturing and through all of my experiences that I've had in this past year, like I don't really fit the "gay label". And I don't really like labels in the first place but I do see how I would personally need it and I feel like the way I see the term queer might be a more open-ended sexuality to describe how I really feel rather than just gay. This is all because, again, I don't feel like the term gay really applies to me anymore since my feelings have kinda expanded toward other people, transgendered or not. Its just all these labels and stuff have really confused me. So my question is what exactly is the dummy definition of the word queer is because I'd really like a term to identify myself with now that my feelings are changing so that way I don't completely lose who or what I am...to put it in basic terms.

    Also, those who were here a while back remember that I was either gonna quit or be on hiatus on here because I feel like I was losing control of everything. Well now a lot has changed, I feel a LOT better about myself, I changed my major in college, I'm working toward moving schools and moving out, and I'm in therapy which helps a whole hell of a lot. So now that my life seems a lot better and less stressed out over everything and everyone, I realized that I do need the support here and I'd be happier returning here and staying for the long run as I've already been going here (either lurking or as a member) since 2008...so yeah. So if anybody happened to wonder why I suddenly started posting again that's why. :slight_smile:
     
  2. J Snow

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    My understanding of the word queer is "not exclusively heterosexual." At least that's how I view it. Its a way of saying I'm not 100% straight without buying into feeling you need to label yourself as bi or gay. That's at least how I see it.

    I use it currently just because I don't feel comfortable taking a more permanent label until I'm fully transitioned. Though likely as a woman I would lean more towards heterosexual than lesbian. I'm just keeping an open mind =P
     
  3. spectrumsigner

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    I would say, yes, "queer" means "something other than exclusively heterosexual" and genderqueer means "something other than exclusively cisgendered".
     
  4. Pret Allez

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    I'm glad you feel better and that your life is more in control.

    My understanding is that the word queer means any minority sexual orientation or gender identity or someone who's intersex. So gay, asexual spectrum and multisexual folks fit under queer, as do transgender people even if they are heterosexual.

    I think it's a nice word because you can kind of say it and it allows you to leave it at that, or if the other person asks what you mean by it, you can describe in more detail your gender identity and sexual orientation. It lets you identify yourself without having to deal with the politics of other terms or what you perceive to be the "baggage" associated with them.

    For example, I like to identify as queer because people get that means I am not straight, and if the person I am talking to is interested and I feel safe discussing it, I'll mention that I am a cisgender male who is attracted to cismen, ciswomen, and transgender people. I realize that I could just say bisexual, but I am increasingly finding using that word more and more problematic, because it implies from the get-go that I believe in the gender binary and that I'm cissexist. On the other hand, I don't like pansexual as a word because the uneducated hear "I'll have sex with anything and everything," not to mention it could stir up the ire of people who like to identify as bisexual by implying they are cissexist. Pansexual would be a great label if people knew what it meant, but the reality of language is that definitions of words don't matter. When you say a word, you have to anticipate the image or preconceived notion that conjures up for other people. I'd like to avoid all that, so I use queer, which basically means "ask me."
     
  5. Tetraquark

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    I use queer for two main reasons. One, I am not entirely sure what my orientation is, so it lets me say I'm not straight without committing to any single label. It was annoying enough to have to explain to the people I came out to as bisexual that I changed my label to lesbian...and recently I've noticed that attraction to men has actually returned in a way that I don't think is platonic or aesthetic, so I guess I'm not lesbian after all?

    This goes with my second reason. I am beginning to suspect my orientation might be more fluid than I originally gave it credit for. While I am usually romantically attracted to women to a greater or lesser degree, everything else about my sexuality appears to change every few weeks or months. Right now I feel more pansexual and panromantic, with a preference for women, but there were many times in the past when I felt asexual and "gray-romantic."

    (I answered this question recently somewhere else, and, yes, I gave a slightly different response. I'm still working it out.)
     
  6. factwithinfiction

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    Hm. So would it be too much to say that because I'm physically and romantically attracted to males, maybe the right transgender FtM, romantically attracted to females but not physically, and romantically attracted to MtF that I can use the term queer to identify with without sounding...incorrect? Cause honestly I don't wanna really "label" myself but rather "identify" myself without having to fall into a stereotype or the norms of a certain term. For example, I've been kinda straying away from the term gay over the past couple of months because I do find women beautiful and I honestly can feel romantically attracted to them, however I know in my life I'm not ever going to get with another women or marry one.

    Ugh, now I'm just confusing myself! :bang:
     
  7. Pret Allez

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    That's the precise beauty of queer. You don't have to pin yourself down on that. I think you might want to look at resources on romantic orientations any maybe it can help to resolve your confusion?
     
  8. J Snow

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    There is absolutely no reason you can't use the term queer to describe yourself. Even if you were exclusively homosexual you would still be considered queer. I would love to see more people using more broad terms like queer to describe themselves.

    I honestly think that so many people don't fit perfectly into gay/straight/bi and they take the label that is closest and feel like they have to fit into this little perfect box. Just be you =)
     
  9. factwithinfiction

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    All of that REALLY helps. Thanks!

    I was just worried someone was gonna be like "Well THAT'S not the definition of being queer" so I didn't really wanna sound uneducated on the topic. I think the idea of me identifying as queer would kind of relieve a lot of stress of having to, as you said fit into this perfect little box and would open the door to me really truly not labeling myself but rather being comfortable with understanding who I really am. :slight_smile: