Over the past few months, I have gradually accepted my homosexuality. Yet there remains one issue still unresolved. And that is the issue of intercourse. I will first state that I have no idea what it looks, feels, or sounds like. This is due to several factors. While I have "touched myself", I have yet to orgasm or ejaculate, because I'm honestly too scared to. But that doesn't matter. Another issue is that I don't actually know the specific happenings of sex because I do not watch pornography and never have. What I am saying is that I'm not too certain on the specifics of sex. But I have a general idea. My problem is that I feel abhorrence towards certain sexual acts, but not all. Take classic copulation for instance. I do not have much of a moral issue with some people sticking their phalli into the vaginas of other people. I don't see it as gross, I just see it as normal. However, I cannot stomach the idea of anal sex. I just see it as disgusting. That is where feces exit your body. It is replete with disgusting bacteria. It is the dark dungeon of the human body, a place into which I could never venture out of fear. I feel slightly similar with oral sex. With a condom, it is good and sanitary. But do it without a condom and the semen has been in the presence of urine, a less-than-desirable substance to find in one's mouth. And swallowing I find even more disgusting. So basically, the two main gay sexual acts are anal sex with a condom and oral sex without one, neither of which is an activity in which I want to engage. What can I do? Please help, and thanks.
The way I see it, you have a great discomfort about the idea of several sexual acts. The problem is either your discomfort or the acts per say, which problem would you rather solve? You can solve the problem of the acts by just being very honest with a possible partner and completely avoid the acts you're dis-comfortable with. If later in life you somehow get curious or more at ease with them, it's a decision that can be reviewed. OR You can solve the problem of the discomfort. Imagine if you were comfortable with the ideas of that type of sex; wouldn't you feel more free? Wouldn't you feel like you have more choices, more at ease with your sexuality? That and the added benefit that you could more easily adapt to the sexuality of a possible partner. To achieve that said level of comfort, well, there are ways... maybe chat with lots of different gay men about their sexuality and try not to judge. Maybe try and watch different types of gay porn; if you really like an actor stick to what he does and that may help. Most important of all: keep in mind that you never HAVE to do anything. When and if you go for these things, it'll be because you were ready and wanted it. All and all it's your choice..
