I've heard some straight people say "why do some gay guys date guys who look like girls if they like guys" and "why do some lesbians date girls who like guys if they like girls" I remember my friend, a femm lesbian, who asked this question too and personally I'm not sure because I'm bisexual.
They're not looking at the bigger picture. All your friend seems to understand is mainstream sexuality and gender roles.
Why date effeminate men instead of women? Cock. Why date masculine women instead of men? Tits. If you'll excuse the language But really, that's like asking a straight man, "why date a girl, but not an effeminate man?" Or ask a straight woman, "why would you date a man, but not a masculine woman?"
Actually, I usually deny the premise. Butches don't look like men. They dress, and sometimes act, like men. If butches actually looked like men, transgender men would not need to take testosterone in order to look like men. The fact that some people are apparently blind and actually can't tell the difference, so that they are confused in the women's restroom, is a problem with the persons ability to discern other people's gender, not a problem with butches actually looking like men. I like masculine women, and to me they do not look like men at all. It is totally different. And you can tell from the face--you don't have to see their exposed body parts or something. (I don't need to see her tits, seriously.) :rolle: I can't swear that I could never make the mistake. But thus far, to my knowledge, I have never been mistaken about anyone who wasn't on testosterone--and that's not a mistake, since they identify as male. But I'm apparently more sensitive to it than most people.
Well, unless they are actually androgynous, there is a pretty clear difference between a femme male and a female, and between a butch female and a male, even if they do take on some of the characteristics of the other gender. It is interesting though, our idea of an androgynous boy is usually one who looks very feminine, while our idea of an androgynous girl is one who looks very masculine/butch. In reality there is such a broad spectrum of what a male and a female might look like, with plenty of overlap. We need to just drop the idea of having particular expectations about what one gender or the other is supposed to look like. I do wonder about solarcat's point though. There are some pretty androgynous people out there. If you were attracted to someone until the moment you found out they had the wrong genitals, would that cause you to lose attraction?
Exactly! This sort of goes along with the whole "when did you choose to be straight?" line. People don't seem to think of gays in the same terms as they do straights, like we're some foreign species. They never seem to ask themselves what the equivalent is, which is unfortunate, because 99% of the time, they'd have their answer.