People who are still in the closet

I think you shouldn't pull people out of the closet. I mean it's good and all to be a shoulder to cry on and a good encouragement, but many people push it a little too far. He'll come out when he's readyy.

I was pulled out of the closet, myself, and that wasn't fun. :/

 

We are more here to be a shoulder/arm to hold on to as we walk out of the closet.

The experience shouldn't be done alone and that is why we are here for advice and support.


I'm still in the closet with my parents. Why piss people off who support you?

I mean yeah, I could get a job and support myself but chances are I'd drop from college and it wouldn't be easy. Why not take the free ride?

 

I think we are here for support of those who are ready to come out and help others accept themselves. I mean, as for me, I'm not ready to come out yet, and either are many others. It takes time to accept yourself and feel strong enough to face coming out... well, thats my opinion anyways,

 

I wanna kill the person who made me come out; if only I knew who it was. I wasn't emotionally prepared; it hurt a lot, and I had a lot of problems because of it.

Not only worrying about pretending you're straight, you have to dodge glances, and if you're not ready to be proud of it, that can be much more damaging. It takes time to be able to get used to the fact that you're gonna be looked at differently, and that life's gonna spin out of control for a little while. Sure it'll take some time getting used to afterwards, but you still need to be able to accept yourself before you're ready for the world's judgment.

I'm just gonna agree with Bvt and Jerr that sometimes it's just smarter to stay in. It's not fun either way, but the less stress the better.

 

With my parents... I don't pretend while I'm around them...


I don't talk about girls with them and I don't comment on guys with them... I've NEVER commented on girls with them. (Well other then Angelina Jolie and Milla Jovavich... but I'd go hetero for them.... so yeah.)

I mean I don't go around my mom saying "You look fabulous today." ...because I don't say that period!

I don't pretend to be who I'm not. I choose not to share all of who I am with everyone.

 

Where was this poll taken?

Is anybody else borderline offended?

 

Yes.. borderline. Pretending to be straight is one of many ways to deal with the situation until you are emotionally ready to tell the world.

 

While you say you are trying to help this person, it is not your job to "pull someone out of the closet." Everyone gets to choose on their own if, and when, they are ready to come out. Nobody has the right to make that decision for anyone else. Describing someone's choice not to come out as "cowardness" is being as judgmental as those people who say that gays are immoral. If you want to help this person, why not share your experience of coming out and explain how it has been beneficial to you and others you know who have come out.

 

I'm amazed....I'm 56 years old and I have a whole past to deal with in my coming out process, but I don't feel so different listening to you guys; money, jobs, family, all of that stuff plays into it. I know I'm happiest when I can be who I really am, but there's no sin in being smart about who, where and when you come out(to)?)

 

Darya, your comment above makes perfect sense. I think I will ultimately be much happier once I do come out. Having said that, as you know, life can be somewhat complicated. I am in my early 40's and have to balance the challenge of my desire to come out with the impact on my professional life and my kids. This is a new process for me that I am thankful I am going through. EC has also been very helpful in this process. However, as you noted, how and when I take this journey is my choice. I appreciate all the help and advice I can receive, but nobody should make this decision for me. I am not necessarily surprised that the original poster's friend was upset with him, even if his intentions were good.

 

A lot of us are in very different situations when we come out, you have to understand that coming out in metropolis is different from coming out in a small town, coming out to people who believe homosexuality is a sin is different from coming out to open-minded people, coming out during stressful times is different then coming out when everyone is in the best of spirits. There are countless other situations and types of people that can surround a coming out experience that can make it hard or easy. I don't believe it's wise to just assume everyone should come out, and that being closeted is cowardice, because if a person is still dependent on their (unaccepting) parents for instance, and an outing will result in getting kicked out of the house with nowhere to turn, I would say that remaining in the closet would be the intelligent thing to do until they got their resources together and became emotionally ready to come out. Now, I don't know about your friend and his situation, but he clearly does not feel that he is ready to come out for whatever reasons he has, and feeling ready is one of the most important things. Please do not out him.

 

You shouldn't make someone do something just because you think that is what is best for them. Everyone has a different story of their own. Ex: Someone who knows they are gay but they still haven't accepted that they can't change it yet.

 

I wouldn't shove people out of the closet. That's their own decision made on their own time.

We're here to support each other, not out each other.

 

No, there can be a number of reasons, like safety reasons if you belong to a homophobic community. Fear of rejection also is not shame. Someone can accept themselves and not be accepted by others.

 

I choose the path of courage, or, as you call it, the path of cowardice.

I would truly hate it if at this stage in my plan to come out I was outed on the internet by someone else. I am a man who holds on strong to his values. I feel it is necessary for my own personal development as a person to come out to the people I care about either Face to Face or over the phone (but only if I can't talk to them face to face). Coming out on the internet would be far too easy. I can talk about anything in an instant message but when put up to the test of face-to-face it is much more difficult. I enjoy this difficulty, probably because I enjoy video games so much. When I come out to my friends one-on-one I feel a much greater sense of enjoyment and form stronger bonds with that person as a result. After I come out to many of my friends and family I do plan to give a good ole myspace bulletin and orientation change. Even there it must be done when I feel comfortable with it, otherwise it won't feel right.

I do have plans to tell my parents that I am bi, and so far those plans haven't changed. I can only see them a few times a year because I am attending college. Next break we have I'm just going to blurt it out to them while I'm visiting. That way I get the chance to talk to them about how I feel and get their feedback about the matter as well.

If I were to come out over the internet now and went to sleep, yeah it'd be really easy. I'd be missing the thoughts, reactions, and emotions that I so desire from my friends and family though. Sure they'd leave me a message or something, but that is nowhere near the reality I want to behold.


Perhaps the person you tried to out got mad because they share some connection with my own reasoning. I'm sure they didn't stay mad as long as no damage was done. They would be way more upset if you really did out them (IE leave them a comment while they were sleeping, and all their friends seeing it)... and it would be way not cool. Perhaps that person happened to see your post here (you said he was a member of the forums) and is instead enlightened that you would try and see things from his perspective by asking such questions.

Tread lightly

 

People have many different reasons for staying in the closet. NONE of them are cowardly. Some may have family who will disown them, or throw them out of home. Others may live in a homophobic community, like Alex in Kingston, where people can get killed for being gay. Other people still are simply comfortable with where they are.

It is NOT up to ANYONE else to out them. No matter how much YOU think that it is a good thing, it may not be so for other people. And, in saying that, having been outed myself, I can say for sure, that having a whole busful of people in my face, calling me a filthy dyke, is not a very nice thing to happen. Now as it happens, I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality. I don't care what people think of it, and mostly everybody knows, but I would personally hunt down a person who outs me when I am staying in the closet for my own reasons.

Some people might not be able to get a job if they are gay. Some people will face discrimination their whole life, just for being gay.

 

its not a cowardice. wat if a closeted guy live in a homophobic country, such as iraq, where they KILL GAYS? u cnt outed him. everybody has their own story, their own limits. maybe the one u tried 2 outed has a different perspective 4m u. like me, if i outed myself now, i will b bullied in skool (70% chance of gettin throwed by rocks), lost my uni funds from my mom, or in other word, DOOMED. 2 tell u the truth, ill kill u if u try 2 outed me