So You Want To Be a T-Girl (Chapter 1) - Transgender Wiki This is a very long article written by a post-op transsexual woman. Many parts of it are very negative and often difficult to read, but I found it to be a pretty stark description of the extremely difficult challenges that trans women face in the course of their transition and beyond. Not for the faint of heart to be sure, but I thought it was a good read.
I'm sure it's an interesting and useful read, but I don't think I'm strong enough to handle reading this sort of thing right now...
I skimmed and read the paragraphs about hormone medications doing horrible things to your circulatory system. Suddenly, the health problems and walking issues this trans-woman I know make sense.
I'm not a transwoman, nor would I consider myself faint of heart, but from what I read of that article, it's full of bullshit, not to mention, contradictory. I mean, she goes on to say we can't define if a person is transexual by how many surgeries they have or haven't had, but then says a transwoman who keeps her penis is a man. What? Then, there's her list of "You Shouldn't Transition If...", which just left me speechless. I love how the author thinks she's being brutally honest, but the truth is, she's just pushing her own experiences and feelings, some of which make no sense, onto the reader. Maybe she has some valid points later on, but I find most of what she has to say appalling.
The part about finding a job is dead on. Why hire a transsexual when there are plenty of normal people willing to work at the same position that won't drag your company down? Nobody wants to walk up to the cashier that looks like a gross child molester. Are we gross horrible people? No, but that's how the world looks at us.
I...I will read this when I feel more ready. I feel like something is clutching my heart when I read those words and it is taking all my breaths away. I know life is not pretty for people like us, but I want to at least to look forward to my transition before reading this.
No offense Dhamma, but I have read this in the past, and when I saw this thread I just thought to myself, why in God's name is someone posting this awful pile of crap? It single handedly almost stopped me from deciding to transition, in fact it just made me want to give up on life after reading it until I truly examined it for the pile of trash it is. (Granted I have only read the chapter intended to be read BEFORE transitioning). The last part of the article is ultimate "LOL WAT?" moment of the whole thing. I honestly find it hard to believe this woman wasn't trolling through the whole thing. Let's take a look at what she thinks are valid reasons for not transitioning. If they warrant a response as to why they are stupid, I'll respond, but most of them are probably obviously just stupid. Yup, taking any pictures of yourself that are sexual in nature is evidence that you are in fact not transsexual. Clearly transwomen are not allowed to have sex drives or attempt to feel better about themselves by getting validation that they can be attractive. Oh I go to transsexual support groups, which mind you I have made many friends at. Guess I'm not transgender. Neither are gay rights activists. Shucks. Transsexuals - Not allowed to be proud. Noted. Just stupid, all I'm going to say. Yup, not allowed to enjoy drag OR the atmosphere around it. And she makes the claim that not only can transsexuals not be interested in drag, they can't hang out with other people that like it? How does this even relate in any way shape or form to having GID? Again, not allowed to try to look sexy. Not allowed to do what cis women do anyway. Okay, this is getting tedious so here we go... What does ANY of this have to do with someone transitioning?!? Nothing at all! I know a lot of trans people these days, and never once have I met one that doesn't break any of these "rules" about what makes someone trans. In fact, chances are they violate most of these rules. I mean "you shouldn't transition if you consider yourself transgender"??????? I'm sorry if I'm coming off as rude. I'm not trying to. I'm only passionate about the destruction of this article. I think it can be tremendously destructive, and I 100% that this is the LAST thing someone should read prior to transitioning. The only lasting value I got out of the whole thing was the "waiting for your bell to go off" part. That actually did help motivate me to start because I would much rather be going through this when I can still pass than when I'm in my 40's. I view this as nothing more than the rantings of a bitter woman who can't pass because she stayed in the closet too long and wants to feel better by bitching about how much her life sucks. Edit: For the record, I believe I have posted this here in the past myself after my first time reading it, but it was trying to find validation that it wasn't worth getting worked up over.
+1000 to J Snow's post, she covered pretty much everything I was too lazy to individually address myself. And quoted for truth. I can't believe people are commending the author for being blunt when all she is doing is spreading misinformed opinions. Did it personally hurt me to read it? No, because I'm secure in my identity, but if a questioning person or a family member looking to be educated about their trans relative came across this article, it could be incredibly harmful. This is the kind of stuff that causes so many trans people to repress themselves for years, and do we really want to perpetuate that? It's like the author wants the readers of the article to become as bitter as she is. This isn't an attack on the OP, but on the author of the article. While it's important to let people know the harsh reality that often accompanies being trans, this is not the way.
I have to agree with E and J on this one. Our lives are not going to be easy or charmed no matter what rout we decide to go. I think we all know and have come to accept that. There are, as E put it, harsh realities, but there's a difference in facing those realities, or simply chosing to be negative and only focus on that. The situation was rough for her and I'm deeply sorry for that. But what gives her the right to tell us what's in our minds and hearts based on criteria that she created to, and yes I'll say it, scare people. Not everybody who goes to a therapist with gender identity questions needs to go through transition. How many people like that, with non-severe gender issues might read that and decide not to seek help because they're terrified of what might happen, people who might have gotten the help they needed without drastic changes. Even the title jumps out at me: So You Want to be a T-girl? Maybe it's just me, but I don't exactly want to a T-girl to begin with. My gender isn't something I "want" its something I am, something I was born into. If I have to realign my body to better suit that I will, not because I "want" to, but because it has to be done to achieve some semblance of happiness. I'm really not trying to be rude here. I can be opinionated though and sometimes Ilike to share that when I believe in something. ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2012 at 02:49 AM ---------- I'm also not saying that her book is all lies or anything like that. I just think it's too influenced by her own opinions, and too much negativity. I would be hardpressed to use it as a resource. I would just as soon take unopinionated facts and form my own views along the way. For better or worse.
I agree with you J Snow. I couldn't tell why she was so angry the whole time writing it. She talks about how activists are taking the "easy way out" and that they are never going to be women because of the way that the rest of the world perceives them. She also says that lesbian transwomen choose to be lesbians because it's easier to pass if you just dress like a dyke. It's pretty offensive. I did like parts of it though, and I think the vast majority of it is meant to protect people who simply get turned on by the thought of "becoming a woman" as apposed to those who were born women and transition out of complete necessity. But yea, pretty harsh all the way through to the end. Which is strange because I have genuinely met women who really do have a happy ending and live in peace and solidarity. Women who don't have to move to a new city every single time they get outted from stealth. Women who don't feel it necessary to lie to absolutely everyone just to protect their stealth. She definitely sounds like she is a very injured woman. I am curious how old she was when she transitioned. She said she started fulltime without hrt at 18 or so.
There are two things that I've repeatedly used as an excuse for going back into denial - transition horror stories and people who, post-transition, stand at the top of the ladder shouting abuse at the people climbing up. That article combines both, but luckily I'm not looking for excuses any more. 'So you want to be a t-girl' is an odd title, it seems to contradict what she's saying, I suppose it's meant to be ironic. Absolutely.
Where does she say that? I was under the impression she was well into her 40's by the time she transitioned. Her entire article she tries to make the argument that its rare for anyone to transition before like 38 (which I don't think is true) so I would find it very hard to believe she is an earlier transitioner. Doesn't she also talk about leaving her wife and kids? I might have to do some rereading...
hi, new here yeah she does sound very angry and negative, though i think she is trying to get people to be 100% positive before they start. though i dont agree with everything she says, similar to J snow i want to look pretty, i want to pass, i want to feel sexy but its not necessary, but would be nice. would love to be out and proud, met many who are, aka the successful ones need confidence to go through this process i think also that younger people these days are a bit more, just a bit, accepting, more information about what being a transsexual, i like transgendered better not so "sex oriented" just my preference, really is like, only get better with time, hopefully ^.^
Well, read it through with the help of my bf, and we agree that, though this woman has her points, she came off as very arrogant and entitled because somehow she "survived" through the oppression of society. I don't know if this is what she intend to look like, but it certainly make people feel like they are being patronized and she meant nothing good. Still, I think it show me what I will have to face in the future.
What the autor is trying to say is that transsexual woman (true tw) are born KNOWING they're a woman with a born defect (man's body), and that you shouldn't transform yoursefl if you don't consider yourself woman before and after the transition. When she said you should not transition if you consider yourself transgender, she meant thet if you consider yourself transgender you're not considering yourself a woman. If you know you're a woman, the transition becomes the only option. If you think you're a transgender, you have an option, and you should not chose to transition, because you may throw your life away. That's what I understood from that article.
This is 100% rubbish before she even starts on the main issue, she claims to not be an expert on this topic yet she also claims to have gone through this transition. If she did go through this than she would be an expert on this topic. So I'm sorry if you believe this but it is a whole lot of crap.
Just going through something doesn't make you an expert on it. Everyone is different. No two people are going to have exactly the same transition experience. This slight bit of modesty displayed here is actually one of the few parts of this article I can respect.
