Is it harder for guys or girls to come out of the closet?

I think guys.
Society totally puts more pressure on them because society thinks that masculinity is the dominant force in social structure of things.

 

I don't think it has anything to do with gender but the environment you're in. It's definitely a lot harder for someone in Saudi Arabia to come out than for someone in Canada. Some people have more homophobic families and friends and that might make it harder than if they lived in a more accepting environment. So in the end, the only thing that makes coming out easier for anybody is living in a safe environment.

 

Generally I think it is harder for guys. Usually with girls, being gay is seen as something "cool" and just overall less "gross." I think it's much more degrading for a guy since then people tend to think of them as less than a "real man" and more girly and it comes with a lot more negative stereotypes even if you don't fit into them.

 

It depends on the environment. Many homophobes hate both and therefore it is equally difficult. But in my school, it's harder for guys, because many homophobic men still think Lesbianism, Lesbian porn, Lesbian sex and so on are hot. Plus there's the whole "he's gay, so he's going to hit on me" belief and that can't happen with Lesbians.

On Facebook when you see two girls kissing everyone's either like "awww" or "oh, that's sexy" but when two guys kiss you see the homophobes clashing with the gays and straight allies, and there's the Conservative Christians and so on. But that's just my generation


But like I said it's different everywhere you go.

 

I voted for "what??" because I think this has the capacity to very easily become a divisive thread in which things degenerate into oppression Olympics.

I think that men and women face different challenges coming out. While it can be argued that men have a more difficult time of it because people fantasize about lesbians, it is critical to remember that they are being tokenized, not accepted. The ick factor is I think completely equal. Straight men spew hatred at gay and bisexual men, and straight women do the same at lesbians and bisexual women, while heterosexual members of both sexes objectify queer members of the other.

 

i agree with the first 2 responses above, but as it stands now in the US
Masculine is strong
feminine is weak
so in societies eyes why would anyone want to be weak, thus feminine
thus id say its harder for guys (in US), environment does play a huge role thats why i had to narrow it down

we need to change gender from being two sides of a coin to more of a ... how can i put it
well just that they arent all that different, so many similarities and just a few differences, just that we are easily able to pick up on those differences, yeah evolution >.>

 

I totally agree.
if I had a time machine, I would go back to 1995 and tell my younger teen self to immediately come out to my parents that moment when I first put on that red lipstick.
Maybe in some parallel universe I could have enjoyed more of my gay life instead of recently coming out.

 

Definitely think guys. Straight guys think lesbians are hot so they don't have to deal with much ridicule. It's kind of an "in" thing for straight girls to sometimes make out during parties. Some straight guys make out at parties too when they're drunk but many straight men are freaked out by gay guys as they think when we come out we're saying we want sex :O.

That's how I feel anyway..Take it with a grain of salt!

 

Harder to come out - guys
Harder to believe - girls

I think ultimately both have different issues. I think people are more... okay with girls because most see it as a phase, but that makes it harder for them to be taken seriously.
I think it's harder for guys because being gay is "a bad thing" because it makes you seem more feminine, which is "gross" to a lot of people.

 

I agree Madonna put this very well and glee did a wonderful cover of it: Glee Mash-Up (Valerie vs What It Feels Like For A Girl) [What It Feels Like Valerie] - YouTube

the beginning lyrics are: "Girls can wear jeans cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it's okay to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think being a girl is degrading."

Obviously these lyrics aren't a perfect example since gay men aren't necessarily feminine, but I believe the concept is the same reason why many people are okay with lesbians, but not gay men.

---------- Post added 4th Oct 2012 at 07:40 PM ----------

I also agree with this completely. Girls often get crap from people saying they are just doing it for attention which can be extremely frustrating.

 

I have yet to hear a single lesbian tell me that she had it easier than we did.

 

also posted the wrong video link.....only the beginning is right...sorry :/

 

that's true. Here's the question to society (I have this hate towards traditional things): Why?
Isn't nature, the cosmos, earth very feminine.
Don't we all start out as females in the womb then take some testosterone some or much, some become males, others female or intersex.
Why is femininity gross?
I think femininity is as beautiful as its counterpart the strong masculinity.
I will never get how society works.

 

yep

 

I do' nt htink it's a gender thing, but more about the person and the area they live.

 

^^ This. Just because lesbians are tokenized, does not mean that we are accepted. Also notice how the only women that seem to be applauded at the bars when they make out (or makeout on tv) are very feminine women that fit into the straight man's version of "hot chick". If you were to see two butch women makeout at a straight bar, I can guarantee you're gonna see a lot of homophobic comments thrown their way simply because we live in a society that still does not like when people completely step outside of their gender roles.

Yeah men have pressure to maintain or prove their masculinity but women also have a lot of pressure to be feminine because in society's eyes, a feminine women=pretty woman. Just look at all the ads on TV about makeup and clothes. I know growing up I was drilled into my head that femininity meant beauty and if you decided to wear a baggy shirt one day and no makeup than you were ugly. Maybe the message everyone else got was different than the one I had growing up but that definitely was not fun to hear considering I'm not super feminine.

I dislike when people assume that because straight men like lesbian porn or woman-on-woman action that it somehow means lesbians are more accepted. It is absolutely disgusting and degrading when men think you're only there to cater to their fantasies. It is also feeds into the archaic idea that women are there to serve men. Not to mention it makes me feel incredibly unsafe to know that if I were to kiss my partner in public, I could be harassed by a group of men simply because they think lesbian/bi women are God's gift to them. My female friends and I have been harassed in public numerous times by simply walking down the street. Now I can only imagine that increasing with two women who are a couple.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to make sure people understood why being viewed as hot or sexy by a group of men does not mean that we are accepted.

 

I think it is true that girls do have far less restrictions on them by society in terms of gender and sexuality- even from a young age. A girl who is a tomboy who likes to play sports and wear jeans instead of dresses is considered pretty normal and accepted by our society. A boy who hates sports, but likes to wear dresses and play with dolls...will sadly probably be sent to a psychiatrist by all but the most progressive of parents.

Women, even straight women, are generally less insecure about their sexuality than straight men are. Women who are straight will hold hands, hug, go the bathroom together, talk about their feelings, etc. without thinking twice about it. On the other hand, men, especially in America, are trained from childhood to be absolutely paranoid about ever appearing "gay" or "effeminate". Consequently, I'm pretty sure homophobia is higher among men than women. And gay men bear the brunt of that. (Though it's tough, I really do pity the straight men who might be afraid to show their sensitive side or admit they like fashion or musicals or something for fear of just appearing "gay").

Conversely, it's actually expected for straight men to think lesbians are hot to prove their straightness. While lesbian women (particularly the more feminine, "lipstick" lesbian types) are unfortunately the victims of sexual objectification by our society, I don't think there is as much outright hatred for them as for gay men. Our society, after all, idolizes masculinity and heterosexual male desire; and what straight men like is what society as a whole is trained to like since they are running the show: Lipstick lesbians are hot. Gay men (and butch lesbians) are gross.

 

Generally, I think it's harder for men and guys to come out than girls. We live in a patriarchal society and people view homosexuality as a form of demasculation and however fucked up and untrue that is, it is the truth. Lesbians are generally more accepted, I think. Straight men want to sleep with the feminine lesbians and they look at butch lesbians as male imitators, and since they're masculine, that's alright to them to a small degree. But I think in all female communities--things like boarding schools and stuff like that, girls will have a harder time coming out than they would in a more gender-neutral environment. All of that is totally dependent on where you're at, but that's been my own personal experiences and observations.

 

Good point about butch lesbians being accepted as "male imitators" while feminine lesbians are objectified like straight women.

Societies clearly have distinguished between male and female homosexuality throughout history.

Remember, the Bible verses from Leviticus specifically condemn a man "who lies with mankind as with womankind", it says nothing about lesbians.

When Josef Stalin began his persecution of gays in the Soviet Union in 1934, the law he passed specifically only criminalized male homosexuality. While gay men would be sent to the labor camps in Siberia, there was never any law against female homosexuality. Reportedly this is because Stalin indeed thought that lesbian women would be more masculine, and thus make them better workers in Soviet industry as well as better soldiers. Gay men, on the other hand, were feminine and not desirable in Stalin's view.