There is no doubt each one of us has been exposed to some sort of critism because of our orientation, gender, appearance, mannerisms. Many of us are quite strong and confident, but it is foolish to believe that there isnt anything that can/has hurt us. Even if it is not directed at us and is said by people we dont even know, sometimes even at random things just cut deep. Today, mine was about orientation. My family decided to get together, as they do every week. I went downstairs to have dinner, and there was a couple on television who were talking about wanting to dedicate their wedding to the LGBT community and they all found it amusing. "What man(husband) is going to agree to do that." *Everyone in the room commences to ask their boyfriend/husband whether they would be fine with it.* "Babe, would you care if I had some fairy gay dudes in tutus running around our wedding". I only heard pieces because I refused to stop focusing on making my plate, but it was a big part of the episode so it didnt stop there. It was 'all a joke', and if they knew they would be in tears with remorse. I'm normally not the type to even slightly care, I dont know why it stung so much. Maybe I'm just a little emotional today lol. I'm fine. It will take a lot more to break me down, but it made me wonder why we dont have sort of a vent topic on EC. Just a topic where we can vent about the things we heard/saw today without going as far to make a thread, because we dont actually need advice. This is not directed just too LGBT topics either. Its ok to post anything. It doesnt have to be directed at you either. If you heard something being said about someone or a group that you dont fall into, its still ok to post it. This could also be a good way to teach ourself to remember that we should always watch what we say, because we dont know who could be listening.
Back when I used to play puzzle Pirates, their forum in misc section have a rant thread for people. lol.
Oh lord, my family always has something to say about gay people. About two days ago, there were some gay people on tv. My parents were saying how all gay people are promiscuous and immoral. I said their comments were really ignorant and stupid. Then my dad was saying that if he was ever in a room with gay people, he would punch one of them in the face if they tried to come on to him -__-. And he proceed to call them fags. What a douche :/
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/60883-what-you-thinking.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/48488-post-secret.html (the anonymous version) If you don't want to make a thread for something, these are where you go.
I've missed having a thread like this. So long as it doesn't end up getting abused, I think it's a wonderful idea. And earlier today, I would have had plenty to post in here to get things rolling even more. But at this point, I'm just too tired. Still...I hate that you had to endure it, even if it was just an off day for you. It's not cool. ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2012 at 11:46 PM ---------- Post Secret isn't really for full on vents, though. And while WAYT can be used for vents, sometimes it's not the necessarily right place. Like having a blurred line.
Ugh, I'm sorry you had to go through that Gen. It must have been quite uncomfortable... (*hug*) Not specifically today, but there have been certain criticisms that have hurt me deeply and that, try as I may, I can't forget. The worst was when quite a while ago the Turner Classic Movie channel had a tribute to classic movies with LGBTQ themes. My stepdad (I'm ashamed to say) said "What is this, fag month on TCM?" My family doesn't know I'm gay and this hurt me more than he could imagine. He's a good man, but his intolerance (I blame his mother) is definitely one of his worst qualities. I'm slowly, subtlety, trying to change him for the better.
I see what you mean. But the reason I made this thread was to encourage people to come here and post the things that people have said about them or others. Often times what happens when people see criticism is that we try to brush it aways, forget it. But that is not dealing with it, it is just storing it away for later. We cant always vocalize how we feel to others, but I feel it is important that we have somewhere explicitly to do it.
I was in the car a couple of days ago with my mother and grandmother. They were talking about one of my relatives, who is pretty butch. As far as I'm aware, she identifies as a female, but apparently when she was younger, she expressed a desire to be a boy. My grandmother's reaction to this was basically "Well, she's not, and never will be!" As a transguy, this made me feel like shit. What must she think of me then? She's one of the few family members who actually makes an effort to refer to me with masculine words, such as "grandson," so I'm confused.
I know some of you like to laugh at some of the things my grandmother comes out with... and they are usually pretty funny.... Like who knew being gay probably made me dyslexic, or at least made it worse? And if I have a bad day....I should expect it, being gay... But...sometimes she pulls one out that really does hurt. (....I removed the example...sometiems I say things that I'm not ok putting on the public board...) Ouch. How do you tell your grandmother to just shut up all ready?
Just like that. "Grandma, shut up already." Then again, that's probably not the best way to go about it. Or the most respectful. You should definitely explain to her that even though it's all in good spirit most of the times, sometimes the things she says really hurt. No good grandmother would continue to jeer and make insults if her grandchild is confessing how deep it cuts them. So just be honest with her if you haven't already.
I agree with Romi. If she already knows about your sexuality, then I dont see what there is to lose. If she knows that it bothers you and still does it then I guess there isnt much you can do.
I have one to share. Or vent. The other day, I was with my father, his girlfriend and her sons and daughters. Like always, we were going to a restaurant, and my since dad just can't be in silence for 2 minutes straight, he just kept talking. Eventually he remembered an anecdote. He said that one time when he still went to hotels while visiting Tijuana (he now owns an apartment there) he once stayed on one that, when he arrived at night, he saw "the whores", and then rushed to say: "You know... those transexuals, bisexuals and all that things ending with sexuals..." I had to make an herculean effort to not yell at him the big ignorant he was. I didn't even heard how the anecdote ended, I was just too focused on not calling him 'big ass'. I really wanted to ... instruct him so he would not commit that mistake again. Of course, I also wanted to yell "Ending in sexuals... like heterosexuals right?" but it wouldn't do any good to inslut the same way. In the end I opted to not say anything, because I was soooooooo angry :tantrum: that he would've suspected i'm bisexual (he doesn't know). While I have no problem telling him I am bisexual, that would've bringed the other topic. So I chosed to be careful. Specially because what got me the more angry, what actually touched me was the intolerance for transvestites (in Mexico, there is no word for crossdresser, actualy "trasvesti" would be the only one). I won't touch the matter about the prostitution of transvetites, but whatever their profession, he talked bad without knowing. Fuuu. There, I'm better now
Yeah I guess I shoudl talk to her... I just... I don't have any other family left, and I really don't want to mess this up, so I was trying not to make any waves....but there's not anyways I got on for months and years listening to it.
Last night my aunt came into my room while the rest of the house was asleep. I had only been in from work for about twenty minutes or so and she was having a hard time getting to sleep. As we talked in my room she noticed a Gay Rights book sitting on my desk and made mention of it by saying, "You really shouldn't leave that out." She went on to say that she didn't want Noah [my younger cousin] to see it. "I'd hate for him to say something to his friends." 1- It's my room. 2- I'm sure he's seen it by now as much as he comes in here and talks to me about video games and homework. 3- So what if he says something to his friends? I'm not hiding. And if the concern is that he'll be the one bullied for having an lgbt cousin, then he has shitty friends. 4- Whether he's realized it or not, my house key is on a Marriage Equality lanyard. So please tell me why I need to put my book somewhere where no one is going to see it when it's in my own room? When I first came to live here with them all, I was scared. I was worried. And I hid myself because I didn't want them to know I was bisexual or genderqueer. But eventually it came out and I felt so liberated and loved. But since then, it's the little pile up of things. The little ways she lets me know that even if they still love me, and they say it's okay to be who I am.... It's like....they still want me to hide it. And that is the most frustrating, disheartening thing. Like it's not okay for me to be me here.
