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Should you date in the closet?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Olivier, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. Olivier

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    I really wanna meet a guy, but i dont know if i can give my all in the relationship if it will be a secret. Is it worth it or should I wait until im out and proud?
    :kiss:
     
  2. CandyRayne

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    My ex used t be in the closet, and well, it was really hard for me to deal with that fact. I guess it depends on whether a potential partner are both in the closet. I think it would be selfish for you to ask someone to sacrifice their own out-status just for you to feel safe, however, if he was ok with it that would be different. In way way though, it would probably be a good thing if your mate was out because then you would have some support from someone who knows what it is like to be out and will be there to support you. Just remember, be considerate of who you are with.
    I actually really liked my ex but he couldn't understand that I am at a point where i want to show others who i am and how i feel inside. We let each other go because we felt selfish; I was selfish for wanting to force him out, and he was selfish for wanting me to hide who I am.
    Hope my opinion helps.
     
  3. Colours

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    Me and my ex were dating in the closet, somewhat. I came out to my parents, and some of my friends, just for him. I was in love, I wanted to show others that I was. He only ever came out to 1 person, and later even said he wasn't into boys and broke up with me...

    You see, when I was about to tell my parents, and was scared to do so, he was almost forcing me to do it. He himself kept saying he didn't want to think of telling his parents beforehand and just hope for a magical moment to come by. While I didn't want to force him, I did want him to tell people because it would be a reassurance. And yes, I may have asked him whether or not he knew when he was going tell them a few times. It was just unfair to me because my parents knew, and his didn't, while we were always at his place so we had to pretend being friends and he never wanted (me) to show any kind of affection because his parents might have walked in.

    What seems best to me is that if both people are in the closet, they should tell their parents/family on the same day or something so that that has been done. Otherwise there'll be pressure on either of the two, and you don't want that.

    But to answer your question: If you're both in the closet, sure, it's possible. But having to keep your relationship a secret, is no fun business.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Not unless the closet is big enough for a romantic table for two and a comfortable bed.

    Two tough parts about dating in the closet. First, actually meeting someone. It's tough to meet someone if you dob't want anyone to know yo're on the team. You're stuck looking online, mainly, and a lot of guys might be turned off by words like "discretion" in your dating profile. Secondly, the fear of being found out. This reduces your dating choices to " going to each other's house" and "doing dates that look like pkatonic friends going out". And if you have roommates that are in the dark about your sexuality, that even cuts into the first one.

    This isn't to say it's impossible. Many guys have done it, and continue to do it. I knw one guy who is 40, still closeted, and is in his third LTR, and he swears nobody has any idea - not even his roommates. My guess is that he's giggling behind the closet door...and the wals of the closet burned down long ago, if you catch my drift. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. rx79g

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    As long as the people involve are up front and transparent about it and talk about it before the relationship gets serious I don't think it wold be a problem. Yes it would be stressful to one or both people and an out relationship would be better, but as long as the two people are honest it could work.
     
  6. CandyRayne

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    Another thing is that you also have to remember to follow your feelings, take peoples advice but don't limit yourself or push yourself too hard, remember, in the end you're the only one that actually matters. I think that Colours is a perfect example of what I was saying.
     
  7. Mogget

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    Another factor is that if other people don't see your relationship, you can use them as a sounding bell to tell you if something is off.
     
  8. J Snow

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    I wasn't out at all when I started dating a guy a couple years ago.

    Did it cause problems? Yes.
    Do I regret doing it? No.

    Really this all just depends from relationship to relationship, but you should be open and honest about your intentions to come out or to not come out down the road.
     
  9. Pret Allez

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    A lot of those of us who are out don't want to date someone closeted for precisely the reason you described. So you may not have much choice in the matter.
     
  10. GayJay

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    I started dating my girfriend while we were both closeted. And yeah it wern't a smooth ride it cause quite a few problems in the relationship. But we were willing to get through it, but did have to limit our relationship. Like couldn't see eath other as much, had to lie to friends we liked someone to get them off our backs.
    But after a few months we decided to come out together. Doing it together made it so much easier and my parents and family took me more seriously because i had a girlfriend. A year later weree still together so it can work.
     
  11. castle walls

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    I'm in the closet but my gf is out. Our 5 year anniversary is less than a month away. Just because you're in the closet doesn't mean that you cannot or should not date
     
  12. reds123

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    i think you should try it! that would be kind of romantic! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: just my opinion!
     
  13. Olivier

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    I like your opinion :slight_smile:
     
  14. kylo

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    From my own personal experience it's really hard dating someone who is still in the closet because they have to keep you a secret to other people, sneak around, and it always caused problems. But sometimes it can work. It just depends on the freedom the person has I think.