In society it seems like if a man sleeps with or is in a relationship with another man even ONCE people call him gay. But if a woman sleeps with another woman once people call it an "experiment" and don't think it means anything, and she can still be called straight. Anyone notice this bias? Obviously Im talking about what MOST PEOPLE PERCEIVE and label, not my personal opinion.
Yes, I have noticed it as well, but I am not sure that I think men are "less allowed" to be gay than women are. Heterosexuality is compulsory for everyone. Women are "allowed" to experiment because it is in the service of the fantasies of heterosexual men. It is erotic to them, and therefore it is "okay," even though what's really happening is tokenizing questioning, lesbian, bi women, or just straight women who have sex with women, as opposed to actual acceptance of female homosexuality or lesbian identities.
lol. this heterosexual agenda always confuse me... because i know that somewhere, there are hetero women who reads yaoi stuff or read gay fiction just because (their men not hot enough? lol)
I notice that too. It's perceptions like that aren't good for both women and men. For women: people always think they're just experimenting or it's a phase or they're being gay for the attention of men. Lesbianism tends not get taken seriously and as a result not respected as a sexual orientation. For men: people instantly jump to gay when the guy could be bisexual (which is where the "bi men are just gay" stereotype comes from and it's disrespectful to bisexual men. Then there are straight guys who may want to experiment, but can't because gay will immediately be attached to them and they don't want that. Experimenting isn't bad, it's healthy. To repress those things can turn into something bad later. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense. All I know is that these perceptions suck and they're bad for everyone. Stupid patriarch society. It's not cool to be a gay man because you want what women want, making you like a woman, which is bad. I wish some people would stop thinking if you're a gay man, you're like a woman. Nooo, he's a man who likes other men. Ugh. Lesbianism is tolerated because it's women, which is what men like, but it's made to be about the men like "they are together for us." Annoying.
Yeah its like women's desires CANT POSSIBLY EXIST unless they are in relation to what a man wants. Like we dont have brains or something. And a man wanting a man....that's a mindf***k to the patriarchy because it means that men can be objects of desire too.
That and it's also misogynistic in the sense that "well if a man could have either one, obviously he would always go with other men because women are just a buncha nags aren't they"?
I tend to agree that if a man engages in sex with another man, he has to be bi or gay. I mean, if you have straight friends, the mere THOUGHT of kissing a guy is enough to make them want to throw up. lol. A lot of this has to do with culture. A woman is a nurturer by design.. she's expected to be more free flowing emotionally. A man? He has to be a MANLY man. he can't let anyone brush against his butt, or ruffle his feathers in any way. I have had sex with guys who consider themselves straight, and they weren't lol. I'm sorry, they may think they are, but they are in denial. It's something about the male organ and design that determines that.
I call it the Principle of the Hideous Cock. Basically the assumption is that penises are so disgustingly awful that only someone who liked nothing but penis would ever agree to have one near him or her.
