Now first things first... I'm a bugger for socialising. Its not that I don't want to, its just... Well... I feel more comfortable not doing it which isn't helping me at all. So I recently started a new job and made a promise to myself that would talk more which has worked to some extent. I say "hi" more often and try and join in on conversations where possible although my voice seems to come out quieter than I want to through no fault of my own. However I have noticed these bits of convo where I join in tend to be with females mainly... To an extent and by that I mean that if a loud group, say 6 to 10 than I don't speak at all because I can't compete with them. Plus I know am never gonna be a 'social butterfly' I just don't have social skills and kills me that I don't. I feel awkward talking to people in general. Plus I can seem to talk at all to str8 guys, barely even "hello" It kills me that I miss this part of life cuz I lack skills and confidence
Well research shows that its virtually impossible to have an organic conversation with more than 4 people involved. Barring an organized setting where there is one speaker or people take turns speaking, once a fifth person is involved in a conversation, it begins dividing into a split off conversations. I do the same thing in group conversation, I just can't talk over people and I just sit there and listen most of the time or I just start talking about something different with someone nearby. Blame the evolution of the brain for developing our social patterns.
I also dont like conversations with 6 to 10 people in them. They tend to not be real conversations but rather resemble random banter, usually led by one or two strong individuals. I personally prefer smaller conversations with 2-3 people. Much more manageable. And as for socialising with people at work. Dont beat yourself up about it. A lot of people put on a mask when they at work. And some just 'try too hard'. Maybe its to impress others, or maybe its to hide their own insecurities. But its part and parcel what you get in a work environment. Your post doesnt say so, but Im assuming you not open about yourself much, if at all. Thats gonna put a burden on most of your conversations. Everytime you try to say something, you hold yourself back just in case something slips. May start out talking to people whom you feel wont be too surprised if something does slip. That will give you valuable experience talking to people. And if takes time, dont worry. Its a process. "Small steps Ellie, small steps." - Contact
