So generally, when most people first meet me, the idea that I might be gay is something that slips their mind. I'm generally masculine, I hang around straight male friends, and I just don't easily come off as the stereotypical femme guy. (Which btw, there is nothing wrong with, it's just not my personality). Anyway, I was having a conversation with one of my best friends who so happens to be a lesbian (hangs out with us guys) and it was when I was contemplating on coming out to my close male friends (I'm already out to them!). One thing that we debated was whether it was better to come out straight up that a person is gay and risk deterring straight people, or if it was better to get to know them first and then come out later in the friendship. My opinion was the latter as I thought that I was more interested in people really knowing who I was first, and if the time should come that I come out to them, then so be it. Being a more masculine guy, I never have trouble developing bonds with straight guys, so it's more relevant of a situation for me as supposed to more feminine gay guys. I just believe that there's so many great people to meet out there and so many things to learn from everyone. Obviously if they're dicks, I would not be friends with them, but I think even if someone is homophobic, there's something to learn from them and they can even learn from you. For instance, one of my male best friends who I've come out to said that because of his naivete, if he had known that I was already gay when we first met, he probably would not have developed a close relationship with me. BUT, through becoming friends with me, he's learned to accept homosexuality in all people and our friendship became even closer after coming out to him. IMO, this experience was invaluable. It certainly couldn't have happened if I didn't let other people get to know me first. Obviously the other point is very much valid and I understand that. But i think it'd be awesome if we had a discussion on this subject. So, out at first meet, or meet then come out? *Also, however, there is a very big con to my view point. I find myself always scared to come out to male friends who I've grown very close to. I sometimes put off doing so just because I'm so scared that I might lose a good friend from it. But then again, were they really a good friend if they didn't accept me for who I am?
I think it depends on the person. Most LGBT people develop a sixth sense, and can tell fairly quickly after meeting somebody whether or not they are going to be accepting. In general, if it is obvious that it will be a non-issue then I have no hesitation about coming out to somebody (if the situation arises of course, I don't just blurt it out of nowhere). If they are obviously homophobic, I will usually discuss their objections with them, and make my decision based off of that information. One benefit of not being the stereotypical gay is that you can fly under the radar for a while, until you can better judge somebody's reaction. My main advice? Your safety should be the priority. If you have ANY doubts about whether or not coming out to somebody will put you in harm's way, DON'T DO IT.
For me, I find it that is easier to assume that everyone already knows and I act accordingly. Thinking of whether or not to come out is way more emotionally taxing to me than just being me and letting others choose if they want to be assholes or not This is my only exception. If I feel like I'm in a hostile environment then I try to keep it underwraps as much as I can.
Well, I accepted myself only 3 months ago (how quick the time flies!) so I gues I haven't many opportunities. Not to mention I've never been a social person. Usually, I let people get interest in me, and if they take the time to know me, I know I'll have a friend. As for coming out, well, this will be more theoretical than experience, but I think I prefer to first know and then tell. I want to first judge if the person in question has issues with what I am, and only if I see no hate in his soul (wich sometimes is easy to tell, but othe times not so) may I open to him/her.
