Hmm, I had this epiphany that I may be sabotaging myself when it comes to other men. For one reason or another, I'll find myself nitpicking to discredit him. Mainly, it's that i'm not physically attracted to this person. Or they just have a demeanor or "look" to them that I don't necessarily want to be open to. Do you find yourself doing this? Is it considered natural to you? Or do you really just feel like you're sabotaging yourself and this person could be compatible with you? My gut feeling either says, "you're being dumb, this guy is probably perfect for you and you're being childish" Or it just says, "No Pat, you can't put up with this guy"
On the physical front, not at all. I'm attracted to all shapes and sizes and colors and styles. I really don't have a specific type or preference for anything as far as physicality goes, and anyone I've told in detail about my past crushes and love interests can tell you that this is the God-honest truth. On the emotional/personality side, however... I have a very bad relationship with my father, and any person who exhibits any (and I mean ANY) quirk or characteristic that is shared by my father is an utter and complete turn-off, even if it's something that I know I can easily overlook. So, I do think that I sabotage on that particular front.
Bottom line, when in doubt, don't. It's ok to have these thoughts. I wouldn't worry about thinking its sabotaging you. If you don't get a good vibe from someone then there is probably a reason for it.
I can totally relate to Bolin on the father-relationship front. I also was really close to my dad at all. Never really got anything from him. So I sometimes also overlook certain guys if they remind me of him.
Em, I'm talking about when you DO get a good vibe from the person and you're just not interested. It's kind of like when girls bitch and moan about having a good guy, but they are attracted to bad boys. I'm not that intense at all, but just saying that I will overlook someone completely because I think.. hm "he's good, but I can one-up him"
Oh I'm sorry I misunderstood. If its a good vibe then yes I would think give it a chance. Although, if you really are not that attracted then maybe keep looking. If there is a little attraction then definitely give it a chance.
Actually, yes... now that I think of it, I think I do this shit all the time, actually. I nitpick and justify why I shouldn't like people (that I am interested, granted) because I'm afraid of relationships. Not sure if we have the same problem, though... I look for reasons not to like people not because of a lack of attraction, but more because of my own profound insecurities. Wow. I never realized that til just now, though... it is self-sabotage, in a way.
I'm not sure if I should feel good you relate to the topic or bad because you realized you related to the topic lol. When in doubt...(*hug*)
I'm the exact opposite. When I'm faced with a guy who isnt the epitome of my desire, but shows interest in me, I feel like I tend to look for the good in them. This doesnt mean that everyone goes from 0-100, but if I see a guy who is more 'average' in my eyes, he will seem to slowly become more appealing with time. Sometimes I wonder whether it is that I need a greater emotional connection first, or whether it is tied to my own past insecurities. I do, however, seem to nitpick myself when I find that someone fancys me. Which honestly happens frequent enough.(Not to seem egotisical, I just usually stay fairly social and meet new people often.) I know I'm at least fairly attractive, its just the scarring of perfectionism that gets to me from time to time. But I see what you mean.
I think I may be attracted to bad boys or rebellious boys. You know the ones that break all the rules. There's this schoolgirl in me that screams take me. Yes I flirt with the bad boys. When I'm walking home from work or going to work, I see a bad boy, I stop and look at him. Thanks Pat for mentioning that.
Lol..How do I already know this about you? haha. It's good to be conscious of it! It may stem from something deeper within us to not want a productive relationship at times. Sometimes I look at a bad boy and i'm like, "we'll fight and then have extraordinary make up sex" or I'll play out scenarios with the guy where he's fucking ignoring me, which I hate lol. Weird stuff I think sometimes.
As for right now, I could go with any guy.. At least any guy that would be willing to take me. Every time I want to think about going out with someone, I automatically put on the "I'll never be good enough" mentality, so I always shy away and kind of assume that whenever someone looks at me, it's always in the thought of "DAAMN, he ugly" or "is that a guy or girl? (I have been called "ma'am" by a train conductor, until he caught himself XD)" So am I sabotaging my chances? Perhaps..
This is very interesting and insightful, but I believe you're overthinking it. You're allowed not to find every man who walks attractive. But I wonder, how is it that men sometimes comport themselves that you find offputting?
