Labels and labeling oneself ?

I hate labels. They just divide people--and in terms of a gay "community", which implies some sort of wholeness, they only serve to divide us endlessly between who's who.

I do like femme/butch though, idk, I read an academic article on it for a gender/sexuality studies class I'm taking and it was a really cool article, so I took away the idea that butch/femme relationships just makes a mockery out of straight relationships and I like that idea, but anyway.

 

To be brutally honest, I think people are two sensitive with labels.

Black, White, Short, Tall, Fat, Skinny, Gay, Straight, Bisexual etc.

No matter how you slice it there are labels everywhere. Of course they dont describe every piece of us, but we cannot doubt that they do describe a piece of us. It does describe a piece of you. It may not be the piece society expects. It may not be the piece your stereotype states. But it is still a piece of you.

People arent running from labels, they are running from connotations. So what if when you say you're gay people with think of you as flamboyant. So what if people will assume that because you are a Lesbian you are butch. I can understand not wanting to label yourself if you are unsure, but in most cases we arent. Labels are useful in society, whether people use them for assumptions or not.

 

Actually, I love labels. When you put them on yourself, it becomes a way to tell the world who you are so that they understand.

Our whole world is seen in labels. Lamp, shirt, tree. Green, blue, white. Salty, sweet, bitter. Trouble only arises when you try to label multiple things with one label.

Sometimes it works. A pine tree is a pine tree, even with all its bark, needles, branches and cones. But if you try and label more complex things with one label, that's when you lose. If you call a girl that's a little overweight "ugly", then you miss out on her pretty eyes and her sense of humor, and everything else.

But, no matter how much you claim not to label people, you do. That's how you remember who they are. Maybe they're not "ugly kid" or "tall kid", but "guy with nice smile who wants to be a lawyer", or "girl with red hair that's good with animals and is in pre-med school." You label them, but you don't lose them.

Think about it as transparency. When you label someone one single thing, it's the only label on the can, and that's all you see of it. It's like a can with "VEGETABLE" for a label. It's all you know about it. But if you have a lot of little labels that don't cover up the other ones, you know a lot more about it and you know if you probably want what's inside. Like cans of food describe the type of soup, and all the ingredients. If it just said "SOUP", would you want to eat it unconditionally? Probably not. But by seeing the label, you know it's got tomatoes and corn and carrots, and that you love all those, and so you buy the soup and eat it.

Same goes for people. You'll never get to know someone you just give a single label. But giving people as many labels as they have facets of personality is really one of the only ways to see them fully.

So, I'm not just "a lesbian". I'm a lesbian who identifies as soft butch and a bottom, rates herself as a kinsey 5, prefers to date other butch women, loves animals, is a Mechanical Engineering Student, has a girlfriend, loves CAD, cooks a lot, has an eyebrow piercing and a tattoo, considers her pets to be family, has BPD, and so on and so forth. And those are all labels.

You who said you felt you're a man before you're a gay man, you're just giving one label more opacity than the other. Saying the label "man" is more important than "gay". And that's okay.

And let us not forget that labels can help us. By calling it what it is, we stop beating around the bush, stop trying things that don't work, and start to really pay attention. When I just felt crazy and out of control before I was diagnosed with BPD, I had no chance of knowing why I felt that way, or how to stop it or make it better. After the diagnosis, I can look up other people of my same ilk, and see how they do it and how they fix it. And that's all due to labels.

And the first step of Alcoholic's Anonymous is to label yourself an alcoholic. Because only by accepting that can you begin to heal.

Sure, the only label that's a single word that includes everything you are is "you". But none of the food at the store has only one word on its label, so why would you?

 

Labels are not the problem. Labels have never been the problem. The problem comes when people worry about fitting their label rather than finding (or making!) a label that fits them. The problem comes when people associate things the label doesn't actually entail with the label (like people who hear "gay" and think "flamboyant" instead of "attracted to men").

Me? I love labels. Labels are a way for us to know ourselves, for us to be able to conceptualize our experiences in a concrete way, rather than only being able to consider them abstractly. They provide order in what would otherwise be a very chaotic realm (that of identity). Labels give me a short-hand way to summarize who I am without needing to explain complex concepts every time I want to tell someone something about me. Thanks to labels, I can tell people that I'm a metalhead, bicyclist, math major, philosophy junkie, grammar Nazi, amateur English linguist, introvert, liberal, social justice enthusiast, atheist, rationalist, Aspie, chubby chaser, winter person, androsexual, panromantic, agender, male-assigned-at-birth, etc. without needing to go into the detail of what each of those things mean.

You choose the label that best fits your experiences and perceptions of yourself. Other people may try to label you as something else, but that's totally irrelevant; if other people assume you're straight (as they often do), that doesn't mean you're actually straight. Labels are a tool to use for your purposes, not something that's meant to rule your life and your identity. If you don't think any labels fit a specific aspect of who you are, don't use any! But don't throw the baby out with the bath water, because a lot of us like labels, thank you very much.

 

I like labels because it gives me a way to explain who I am without having to give a 2 hour long explanation. Some people try to fit into certain labels when in reality the do not. This is where labels become constricting.

 

I find labels empowering, and the one I use to describe myself is queer. That's only the short version, and its definition is "ask me."

 

its not the labels that bother me its all the connotations and intangible aspects they create

 

I know, right? So obnoxious! Labels are just descriptions. That's like saying you "don't do adjectives." Maybe it's the cool thing now, but it still makes your writing crap, metaphorically.

 

Maybe it's the science girl inside me, but I find comfort in labels, in classifying the world around me into terms that make sense to me. I don't see why they're a bad thing. Stereotypes can be negative, but a label isn't (as long as you're putting it on yourself). People seem to feel that a label is permanent, but I don't think that's true. It also doesn't have to be restrictive- you've just got to chose the one that fits you, or make up a new one altogether!

 

I second this. ^^^

 

Urgh, I love you. This is exactly how I feel. Even the writing part :lol:.

Seriously, though. I wouldnt have a problem if someone just said that they dont like labels because it doesnt grasp the full aspect of their sexuality. Alright, that its understandable. But, 90% of the time you gets this response about "how much they are not limited to their sexuality and they are more than just a label". Its like Oh Really?? You have depth and personality outside of your sexuality?!?! Perish the thought!! And here I am just a 2D lifeless creation. Like How are we supposed to respond to this.

Its just like when the topic of attraction comes up and people just flock to the response of "Well, I'm not attracted to looks, I only see personality". Well then, kudos you an amazing person, I am just a shallow lustful organism. :eusa_clap

Giving an opinion is fine, but we shouldnt use them to inadvertently compliment ourself. If an overweight person asks you what your favorite fast food resturant was, you wouldnt reply with "Oh, I dont eat fast food. I actually like to stay thin." Get over yourself. This isnt directed at anyone in this thread of course, it just comes across as extremely rude.