People with less money spend more money when they get it. Worried about my friend :O

Re: People with less money spend more money when they get it. Worried about my friend

I get like that when I get money, but generally, once I've bought all that I think I "need," I calm down and start putting some back. I've become a lot more conscious of that in the last few years. High school, though, I was bad about blowing it. It burnt a hole in my pocket. I'd realize I just got paid two days ago, and was almost out of money. It sucked.

You said you've tried talking to her, but maybe try again. You may eventually talk some sense into her, especially if she's just blinded by money signs right now. I'd say, maybe let her get it out of her system, then in a few months or so, try again? I'm sure you'd rather her start saving as soon as possible for college, especially for law school, but some people just need to go through the "phase" (hate putting it that way) before they realize what they're doing and how it could affect them.

Maybe, if she seems receptive when you talk to her again, you could suggest she set herself a spending limit. That way she can still buy stuff she wants, and at the same time be putting money back. Depending on what monthly expenses she may have (if she's living at home, I'll assume none but gas, insurance or car payment) have her separate what her mandatory expenses are, then allot maybe $50 or so (whatever the equivalent may be) for random spending, then put the rest back into savings. Again, no idea what her expenses or income are, but this method can be adjusted to her financial situation.

 

Re: People with less money spend more money when they get it. Worried about my friend

I think when someone is used to not having money and then they do, they feel the need to spend to get all the stuff they wanted but could never have. They probably feel like that since the money started flowing in, that will do continuously and as much as they want. I have a few friends who has soon as they got jobs and some money, pissed it all away on clothes and stuff like that and now can't pay for their cars they need to get to college or are up to their eyeballs in debt. I personally don't quite get it, but then again I'm a rather cheap person, I hardly spend any money, except on food, you can't put a price on a good meal, that's my one indulgence. I would try talking to her again, if you repeat yourself enough, it might start to sink in. Though if you're throwing money around, it might be hard for her to take her seriously.

 

Re: People with less money spend more money when they get it. Worried about my friend

How long have you been friends with her? If this is a recent development in at least a year or so of friendship, then obviously everyone else can shut up about it. I kinda doubt you'd try to change her anyway, it sounds like you really care. I don't have much experience with telling someone else to chill out, I got lucky with my best friend. Although if she ever does something stupid, we're so close I can pretty much slap her in the face when she's being stupid and she won't get mad at me.

If you guys are really close, I would hope that eventually she'll come around. I had a time with my best friend where I preferred hanging out with some other people to spending time with her. She tried to tell me it was changing me, but I blew her off, thinking she was just jealous. She ended up being right, and I told her so. We got through it OK because we love each other. If you guys are that close, it's possible she'll eventually realize it. You can try everything you want, but if she's blind to it, then you may have to get used to being on your own until she either comes to or you find someone else to hang out with. My best friend just left me alone till I realized what I was doing. Would that work with her?

 

Re: People with less money spend more money when they get it. Worried about my friend

I've gotta agree with this. If she's not likely to accept something that is a huge part of who you are, and is not willing to listen when you're trying to help her (granted, we all get a little stubborn,) then it sounds like she may be the last person you wanna be friends with.

 

Re: People with less money spend more money when they get it. Worried about my friend

I come from a poor family so maybe I can help you to understand some of your friend's thoughts. I don't know if any of this will help you understand how your friend is thinking. I have never met her before, so I could be totally off the mark. I just know what I felt and saw from my sisters when we were around your age.

Growing up extra money was something that we rarely had. When we occasionally did though, my parents would always end up spending it all on stuff for the family. They were always trying to make up for a meager Christmas, birthday, or just guilt about being poor. The problem with this is that my sisters and I grew up thinking that is what you did with money. I don't know about your friend's parent/s, but I knew many people where it was similar. It was even worse for the kids whose parents spent all the extra money on themselves. They got the same lesson, but none of the joy.

As others have mentioned, she is also jealous of you. No offense to you, but I know that it would be annoying to me to hear you say anything about my spending. This isn't your fault though; it is just hard to hear someone, who can live the way you want to, tell you that you can't spend that way because you are poor. I highly doubt you said the last part, but it is something that I would feel is automatically implied when saying I can't spend this way. The worse part for me would be that you are right because I am poor. I can't spend that way right now if I ever want to not be poor because the world isn't always fair.

I suspect that she is also trying to accept that the world isn't a fair place and is starting to believe that using others is okay. In some ways she does already understand that the world isn't fair, but there is a lot of anger about being poor that is hard to get over. College can seem like this impossible pipe dream sometimes, and it just seems like it makes more sense to to do whatever it takes to get ahead. A lot of other people do the same sort of stuff anyways. If someone else gets hurt who cares. They either deserve it or don't matter anyways. This is a very dangerous way to think; it ruined two of my sister's lives thinking that way. It is also a very hard thing for a friend to stop. In the end, she needs to remember why it is wrong to not care if you hurt others.

Lastly, she might also be worried about her parent/s taking the money if she doesn't spend it right away. Once I had a job and lived at home, it always seemed like there was some bill that needed to be paid or some sort of emergency going on. Before I knew it, any money I had was gone. My parents didn't want to do borrow money all the time, but why let a bill be late when the money is available right now. Then once their check came in, all of it was always gone to groceries, bills, or something someone needed but had been put off. There just never seemed to be any left to pay me back right away, but it was okay because they could always pay me back next time. Except the same thing seemed to happen every paycheck. Then a few months down the road we would be behind on bills again and they would need to borrow again. You also can't tell a parent no because you live at home.

Personally I think it might be best to take some time to not worry about her finances. Since your cutting down on your spending, she might start to feel less need to always be spending anyways. More, importantly she needs to realize why it is wrong to date someone just for money. The sort of thinking that allows that influences everything someone does; as you have seen from previous friends.

P.S. I just saw that you said she is homophobic. You might want to ask yourself if you think that she might ever be able to not be. If not, you should ask if the hardship that will come from trying to help someone who doesn't want help is worth it for someone who won't be there for you when you need help.