Okay, so long story short, my straight guy friend thinks (& so does my mom) that I'm only gay because 1. I think it's more interesting than being heterosexual (which is true because I've never been interested in guys so yeah duh of course I think the same sex is more interesting than the opposite sex) and 2. I've never actually dated/been with a guy (which is also true because of reason 1). My friend has also told me that I've given a lot of reasons to prove to him that homosexuality is not a bad thing without him even asking for them. Admittedly, this only happened because I asked him if he thought I was gay because of reasons 1 and 2. So I suppose yeah, I am gay because of reasons 1 and 2. Why am I gay because of reasons 1 and 2? Well, the hell do I know. And now, I really feel like punching someone in the face right now because I am so fed up with this. I feel like I'm being questioned about whether or not I'm really gay. Is it because I mention that I'm gay too much and I love myself anyway? Is it because I'm finally coming out to people and it feels so f***ing great just to get the weight off my shoulders? Is it because I want to prove to people so much that I'm just like them except I like the same sex? I suppose it annoys them maybe? Is that why people question me? Am I the only one who constantly has to prove to others that I'm gay? And sorry if I sound a bit incoherent and whatnot, but I really do feel upset about this.
I wouldnt get too worked up about it. I mean, we have to consider that fact that he is naturally extremely biased (*hug*). Its interesting because you would think straight guys would understand you more, as the opposite sex usually does, but it always seems that their egos get to much in the way. You dont have a proven anything to anyone, you know what you are. The next time he brings up that comment you should flat out tell him that you do not need his justification. Dont let him bring you down because his pride is getting in the way.
I wouldn't be too worried. If you pursue this "phase," as they would call it, I'm sure they'll eventually believe you.
As a fairly femme girl that HAS dated quite a few guys in the past, I totally understand the frustration of people not thinking I'm gay. The alternative seems to be that: a) I haven't been with the right guy (false, I just realized upon sleeping with a woman for the first time that I was no longer attracted to men)...usually said by guys that want to get into my pants b)it's because my father was physically abusive (true, but not the cause) c)it's because I was molested as a child (again, true but not the cause) d)it's a "fad" (dumbest reason I've ever heard) Like you, it drives me totally crazy sometimes. But at the end of the day, I know I'm going to wind up with a woman that fills my heart with love and joy...so screw all the haters.
I know what you're talking about...:icon_wink My best friend and my mom still think I'm not really gay, even though I came out to them 5 years ago and I've been together with my boyfriend for 3,5 years...:eusa_doh:
I understand what you saying But I can't comprehend people. It's like believe what i'm saying not that hard.
I definitely feel your pain. Being that I am bisexual and waited to come out until college, many people think I am "experimenting". I don't know about everyone else, but I wouldn't have gone through the pain of coming out to my entire family and all of my friends, if I was just experimenting. Nor would I date a girl for almost a year now. It is very frustrating. You just have to take solace in the fact that you know who you are and what/who you want.
One of my best friends doesn't believe me. It's understandable, because I had a boyfriend when we met last year and hooked up with another guy that she knew later on (Obviously this is when I was still trying to make heterosexual relationships work). She says she "knows what lesbians look and act like," so I can't be a lesbian. It doesn't bother me that much. If anything, I think it's kind of funny because she's the type of person that I would have expected to say "I KNEW IT." Her other argument is that if I were really gay, I wouldn't be afraid to come out. You told them the truth. People have different ways of dealing with it, or they don't understand the process of acceptance and coming out. Just don't let it get to you!
lol One of my closest friends was telling that she wanted to set me up with some guy. It happens that I'm 4-ish (towards 5) on Kinsey's... and so, I've told her that I sometimes find guys attractive (Will Smith... SO HAWT!!) and that I can't deny that I might be with guys again; but overall fact I like girls more. A lot more. *sigh* I was like: Yeah... I can meet your friend, but chances are nothing will happen... And, she was like: No. You just need to try him. Jokingly I yelled at her and said: HELL, NO!! I want vagina now!! Dammit! I'm a dyke, b!tch!! LMAO It's was well meant... but I still think some of my friends are expecting me to shake it off. I'm like: Dude, I'm 25... I think I know what I like better. I can't complain much given that my friends have been very cool about this... but some of them just can't quite understand how this works. Even now, when the "ooh, you and X would make a cute couple" jokes come along, X usually is a guy... (-_-") My mother does this sometimes. lol I think she's still expecting me to "change my mind". I'm gayer than a handbag full of rainbows The comment per sé doesn't bother me; the problem is sort of denies my identity. Oh, well... *shrugs*
it's very annoying but i guess that's them processing it. they don't want to believe it BUT eventually, they're going to have to. however, at the end of the day, you know who you are. anybody can question it or whatever BUT they're not you. my brother and my father thought i was confused when i first told them that i was gay talking about "i've never dated a chick", "i might be bisexual" and all this other whatever. i put my foot down the moment i came out to them so they're going to have to deal with it. it took a lot to get me to this point where i could tell them this. it's been something that's been going on for years so that's that.
Well, they have the choice thing in their head. My mom finds it hard to believe that I'm just friends with my straight male friends. I'm masculine, they are my type, HOWEVER.. I can respect their sexuality. It's a non-issue. I'm "seemingly straight" but the thing is that i have no interest in girls. I get this curiosity bug, but it's just because they are nice to talk to. Emotionally, I could see myself with a woman, but I can only fathom being with friends with a tomboyish girl but I have no physical attraction to them whatsoever. I just find them incredibly unique. It's just a weird thing. Honestly, if I didn't have morals, I could force myself to be with one, but it's just not natural to me at all. In other words, I like observing women, it's like watching animal planet, intriguing. But when a man comes around, what I feel for him is COMPLETELY different. I want to be around women sometimes, I want to be WITH men.
if i were you, i'd stop explaining and arguing. if people question you, just tell them you have no answers and you are who you are. either they're there for you or they're not.
Thanks for the comments, everyone I'm glad I'm not alone on this. Yeah, I'm just at that point where explaining to them just isn't worth it anymore. I suppose I shouldn't make them believe me, but rather let them see that this is a part of who I am.
Nobody ever suspects that I'm anything but straight. And even when I've told some people, they don't necessarily believe me. I've been out to my mom for over a year now, and just a few weeks ago she asked me if I was definitely sure that I didn't like girls, because "I don't seem gay enough to be gay" (her words). And one of my old high school buddies still doesn't believe me. Every time I tell him, he thinks I'm joking.
My experience has been very similar to what Alex2020's is, although for me, it's mostly been that people forget I'm androgyne or gay.. Which is fine, I guess. Just a tad frustrating.
There will always be people who don't understand and don't want to understand you, your job is to simply get those people out of ur life or make them feel used to you and u need to find love and be happy and free with her, u know who you are and truthfully straight people will never ever fully understand gays, not even the least judgmental straight person, but you just need to accept you and surround urself with support! Xx
I suppose that as I am coming out of a failed marriage with a woman people will assume the reason I don't have another woman in my life is because of the hurt of the break up. In a sense I am happy to let them believe that, as it gives me a breathing space to come to terms with my sexuality, date and explore life without questions. When I look back at all the lies, especially to myself, I think most people would have assumed I am not gay and may still refuse to believe it going forward, but to be honest does it matter?
my friend says the same thing, he seems to think I need to have sex with a guy first before I say I don't like them. I think that's just ridiculous though because relationships aren't just about sex. I don't think you mom and your friend are trying to make you upset. I just guess it takes a while for different people to understand, you know? I definitely don't think you need to prove anything though, if being gay is who you are, then so be it. It's your life, live it the way YOU want to. I know all too well myself that many people don't believe it's true at first, but in the end, you know it is and that's all that matters good luck, and if it keeps bothering you, maybe you can talk about it with them.
