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Am I a Heteroromantic Bisexual?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by KaotikPrincess, Oct 21, 2012.

  1. KaotikPrincess

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    When someone asks me my sexual orientation I tell them I am bisexual because I am attracted to both men and women, but sometimes that can be misleading because I may be attracted to both genders but my attraction for men is significantly less than my attraction for women, in fact it's almost non-existent.:eusa_doh: When it comes to men I don't find myself physically attracted to them, it's rare that I would see a guy and drool over him. I guess it's more of their personality I am attracted to. I have only dated men and I have found it very easy to fall in love with one, more on an emotional level than physical. :confused: I like being around them and cuddling, kissing, you know, normal couple things but when it comes to sex I do it because it feels good, not because I am physically attracted to him.:tears:

    Now with women it is a different story. I find myself drooling over women for their beauty and I am highly attracted to them physically. When it comes to sex I do it because they turn me on, they are fun, and I feel comfortable with them and less self conscience because they are also a woman like me. But when it comes to dating, I have had small crushes on girls and I think they were more lust crushes than romantic ones. I have no interest in dating them or having a future with them. Whenever I picture my future it involves a nice guy who treats me right and gives me children. :lol:

    Anyways, I came across this term "heteroromantic" and it gave me a more clearer understanding about the type of bisexual I am. My question is, does this term "heteroromantic" better describe the type of bisexual I am or should I just stick with calling myself just plain bisexual?

    I like to consider myself a Kinsey 4 or 5 but there is still a gray area there and it doesn't truly describe me correctly. And I have always called myself bisexual and I never realized how broad that term can really be, but now it is becoming clear to me and I feel that this term "heteroromantic" labels my bisexuality more specifically! :icon_redf:help:
     
  2. Mogget

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    If you feel it's what best applies, go for it. Although from what you describe I'd say heteroromantic homosexual might describe you better.
     
  3. KaotikPrincess

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    Really? Hmm that's interesting. Could I consider myself more homosexual than bisexual even if I don't have romantic interest in the same sex? I always thought of homosexual as not only sexual interest in the same sex but romantic interest as well.
     
  4. Mogget

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    Usually homosexual connotes romantic as well as sexual orientation, but once someone starts to define their romantic orientation as separate from their sexual orientation, I think it's pretty clear what they mean. Like me, I define myself as a bi/panromantic homosexual because I can fall in love with men and women but am only attracted to men. Most of the time I just call myself "gay" for simplicity's sake, but the truth is more complicated.
     
  5. myheartincheck

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    ^ Sounds like this!
     
  6. KaotikPrincess

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    I see so basically what you are saying is that it would make more sense to refer to myself more specifically as heteroromantic lesbian/homosexual because I am romantically attracted to the opposite sex and mostly just sexually attracted to the same sex!? Lol
     
  7. localfwbguy

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    I can relate. I have been in a hetero relationship for awhile and really dig this girl. We have such a connection and sometimes its overwhelming like I can cry and stuff, she just makes me feel that good. She is a beautiful girland we love cuddling and stuff and when the planets aline themselves we have great sex and it is such a turn on. On the other hand, I find older men very handsome and find them super arousing and enjoy the friendship. There is really no romantic attractions, not into kissing, holding hands or cuddling, that seems gay LOL! But just sex acts is very arousing. I picture myself with my girl, happy and building a family. So what am I? Heteromantic/Bisexual w/male preference?
     
  8. leer

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    it`s whatever you feel comfortable with:slight_smile:
     
  9. kem

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    You should call yourself whatever you are comfortable with. We don't all conveniently fit under just one label.
    I prefer men sexually but I feel like I could fall in love with women as well; still, I feel more comfortable with simply calling myself "gay".
     
  10. Pseudojim

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    I'm a heteroromantic bisexual, but i am both sexually and romantically attracted to women. Guys are just for fun and i don't think i could fall in love with one (though i wouldn't rule it out as impossible either)

    I agree with Mogget, but it is whatever you are comfortable with
     
  11. Omla

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    I can relate to you. Is sex for us with less "sexual"
    Precisely because there is and actually real life relationship?
     
  12. Commenza

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    Hello KaotikPrincess,

    I can relate to you very well. When it comes to men, I'm more into the emotional bond they give me (and only on few occasions, I find men physically attractive). Actually, I only find men sexually attractive when I have formed a bond with them.
    And while I find a lot of girls sexy and attractive, I don't think I could be in a long-term relationship with a girl because they don't give me that emotional aspect guys give me.

    Nevertheless, I call myself bisexual since I can be attracted to both sexes. If you feel that this term isn't right for you, feel free to choose another. There's no rule as to what you can call yourself.
     
    #12 Commenza, Jan 19, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2013
  13. 4AllEternity

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    Sounds exactly like me, but obviously flipped around. I'm easily physically attracted to girls, but I've never actually felt anything more for one. I've just never felt that "spark" for a girl. Guys on the other hand, I tend to not be physically attracted to a lot (I do find skinny guys to be attractive, but still, I don't usually walk by a guy and think he's cute), but I'm way more interested in actual relationships with them.

    I think the reason is pretty simple. We're both bisexual in that we can physically feel attracted to both genders. However, psychologically we prefer our own gender, since we just feel more comfortable with them/more able to imagine "real" intimacy with them (as in an emotional intimacy). The one time I dated a girl (one date before I sort of backed off), I liked her, but I felt like there was always something between us; like the difference in gender interfered with a deep understanding. Perhaps it just wasn't the right girl, but I've always loved how with a guy, I can completely get his basic expectations, feelings, etc. I feel like there's a mutual understanding there.
     
  14. Omla

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    I'm sort of the opposite... Love women, enjoy a good dick!

    ---------- Post added 27th Jan 2013 at 09:28 PM ----------

    I'm kind of the same but I think sometimes if I actually got to know a guy I'd
    Perhaps experience even a deeper love .. Don't know .. Maybe.
     
  15. OMGWTFBBQ

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    Can l ask if you guys use these terms in real life?


    l'm not trying to be an ass but when l was around 21-22, really more like 20 and before the popularity of social networking, there wasn't much use of such specific labels in real life because it wasn't like it was something that you would just talk about with friends or at a party.

    So now l imagine it being listed in a bio on FB or something.

    But do your friends also know what these terms mean?

    l did identify as bi then, but l hardly ever said the word for the reasons mentioned above like l said lol. lt was just something people knew after enough talk got around.

    But if you don't have enough interest in men to even explore it, l guess l wouldn't be interested in bi label. You don't necessarily need to redefine yourself but if you do want men stop hitting on you maybe it's time for a label change(ideally one people understand).
     
    #15 OMGWTFBBQ, Jan 27, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2013
  16. IrishEyes1989

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    What an interesting discussion, and one that I can relate to myself. I identify as bisexual because I am physically and emotionally attracted to both men and women. I'm a solid 3 on the Kinsey scale because I do not feel more attracted to one gender or the other.

    There's something that has been troubling me for the past couple of years though.

    Whenever I am in a relationship with someone, I feel a desire deep down for the other sex. This happens even when I am happy with my significant other. I have been with my current girlfriend for nearly a year and a half and I love her very much. Our physical and emotional bonds are incredibly strong. However, I find myself missing being with men. I don't know if it's just seeing so many of my friends with their boyfriends or if it's because this is my first real relationship with a woman, but it's making me doubt myself a lot. The same thing happens when I'm with guys though. I think about being with women a lot.

    The one thing I know for sure is that I'm neither entirely heterosexual nor entirely homosexual, which is why bisexual is a perfect term for me.
     
  17. Omla

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    This is why it's so tough to be bi.
    I guess there are things fulfilled by the sex you are
    Not currently involved with that are apparent.
    Also being bi rather than just a monogamous heterosexual,
    Their is a theater that fits your desires and tempts you.
    If straight totally maybe it would be easier to "forsake all others".

    ---------- Post added 30th Jan 2013 at 10:56 PM ----------

    What a pain life is sometimes.
    So inconvenient.
     
  18. Spatula

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    I'm in a similar situation. I could not be more 50/50, both sexually and emotionally. There are occasions where the lady lust gets really strong, even though I'm still dating a guy, and we have a great relationship. Other than this, I have no reason to leave. It's an awesome relationship and this guy is... well... everything. Smart, hot, shares my politics, shares my music taste, but he's very possessive.

    There are just lots of things I still want to do with women. They're a powerful force in my life and it's been a while. I'm not going to do anything about this. I can survive another year or so probably. But after this relationship ends, probably when he goes to back to grad school in some far off place, I think I'm just going to look for other bisexuals interested in polyamory or open relationships afterwards.
     
    #18 Spatula, Jan 30, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2013
  19. Omla

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    Despite the party line that id love to believe that one can be comfortably
    Monogamous as a hetero romantic/ homosexual,
    I think each person has a unique inner dynamic.
    Also how do I deal with a really decent monogamous hetero marraige to a woman when
    Not at all sure whether my homosexual needs may increase in the future.

    I also haven't told my wife (please don't judge).

    If I told her and it broke us up, and I end up pretty much
    With the same balance (where homosexual activity is sort of not a necessity),
    What good would that be for either of us.. Not to mention
    Our pretty happy home with a lovely and loved daughter?

    I'm pretty pissed that the queer community.. Indeed the PC community
    Is so insistent on this potentially destructive honesty!
     
  20. Reptillian

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    This isn't unheard of and one can enjoy sexual responds at a mechanical level without attraction as evidenced by enjoyment of sexual arousal by asexuals, sex toys, and so on. Just because one enjoys to have sex with another person does not mean he/she is attracted at a physical level. Whether you call yourself a hetero-romantic bisexual or not depends on the qualifiers to sexual orientation and romantic orientation. So, make up a list of qualifiers and determine what you are.