I'm curious as to whether or not anyone else has felt like they've been lying to themselves about their orientation either currently or in the past. I ask because I feel like I'm lying to myself right now. If you went through this, any advice would be welcome. :help:
I'm not sure if I lie to myself, but, I find myself in positions of having to lie to family all the time. I'm 28 now, and younger brothers and sisters are married, with someone of the opposite sex etc, and I'm still alone in a small flat with no money and a crappy part-time job . I'm often asked 'why' am I in this position, my brother always turns the TV channel to the middle aged ladies with fake tits and just oggles the screen telling me that it's great - all the time I'm thinking 'it's disgusting' lol - If I was honest with them, I don't think I'd get out of the house alive, so I have to lie; there's no other way
Uh yeah, lied to myself for 29 years that I was "straight" or bi curious at most, lol. Never underestimate the power of denial! No matter how much I had to imagine women in order to have sex with men, I rationalized that it was something "a lot of women did":icon_redf It takes a lot of introspection and thought but you will figure out your orientation eventually. (off topic) Btw I love your username. Do you like wolves? theyre my favorite animal:icon_bigg
Hi there! I think it is a very common phenomenon to feel that one is lying to oneself, and trying to escape the evidence that is mounting in front of one. Have you given it much thought to self-acceptance and trying to understand your sexual orientation better? I don't think I lied to myself in that, I felt and understood that something was different for quite some time before actually verbalizing it and coming out. For me, it was a matter of hiding from it, and trying to run away from it by pretending to be someone who I was not.
Well, I look at the evidence thats in front of me. I've never been in a relationship with a girl and I'm 34, It feels forced to me to like women anymore and yet I have no attraction to men, I have feminine mannerisms in certain areas. When I try to think what my orientation is, it feels like my head is ready to explode. And yes Tap, I absolutely love wolves. Theyre my favorite animal as well.
Well I have been lying to myself for sure in that I denied my interest in guys, or at least, I don't know, just didn't want to see it. I knew, but never acted on it. I'm still figuring out whether I am and have been lying to myself about my interest in girls. The crushes I get feel real though. I can't force crushes can I? So I haven't got a clue.
I lied to myself until a lit over a year ago, because all of my life even at a very young age I knew what my parents and society had expected me to want. So I would only mention others females I found good looking and whenever I had thoughts about the same sex I felt I was doing something wrong and would make myself feel bad for doing so. This pretty much was the case for most my life thus far. It even went so far as being in a relationship with a girl in high-school and one in college, I was trying to be something I was not basically, sure these girls were fun to be around and pretty but the sexual attraction just wasn't there. After finally acknowledging this, I stopped repressing the same sex feelings I'd been having and became more comfortable with myself. I was still worried about how my friends/family would react to this but everyone I've told has been very accepting.... I guess that lying to yourself only hurts you, and I still feel bad about the odd position I'd put my exs in but they didn't seem angry when I told them and we're still friends. My biggest regret is not discussing my feelings with my parent's earlier in life and perhaps I would have realized that homosexuality isn't something to try to hide or be ashamed of but I can only look forward now and hopefully someday I'll be able to find the right guy for me.
It's sooooo easy to lie to oneself!!! I did it for 19 years. Now that I accepted myself, I'm not lying to me anymore (wich doesn't mean I'm not clueless!!)
When I was younger sometimes I would cry because I thought that I would go to hell, and that I will never be loved or forgiven. Luckily, times changed, and I am an Atheist. I don't know what religion you practice, but for me, giving up mine helped me worry less, and I stopped thinking that I had commit a crime. After realizing that nobody can hurt myself, other than myself, I realized that I needed to face the facts and just realize that there are chemical fluids and genes in my brain that say I am homosexual. But of course, you do what is best for you. If you want, continue whatever religion practice you are comfortable with. Do whatever it takes to make you realize that there is nothing you can change about yourself, and that you were born this way through genes. If you are feeling this way because of other people, then you need to realize whatever they say or do, you are the same person when you wake up and go to sleep.
did it for 12 years (from age 12 to 24) and it took a whole lot of work until i couldn't take it anymore. it was a full time job. it ran my life. the need to prove to myself that i was straight was on my mind to the point where everything i did was centered around that. the fear of being found out was always there too. i tried almost everything and it just didn't work. the only thing that i managed to succeed was hiding it from most people i guess. other than that it was a complete total failure. having to accept the truth was one of the hardest things i ever had to do in my life. it would have been a different story if i was 14 or 18 but at 24, it was even harder because of how long i lied to myself. when you do decide to be honest with yourself, you'll feel much better than trying to convince yourself that you're something you're not. you're already taking steps towards being honest to yourself even though you think you're not. it takes time but when you get there, you'll be a much better place of mind than you're in now. be patient.
I myself have been trying to change myself for the past few years to become straight because I thought that was possible. It wasn't long ago that I finally realized that you truly are born that way and you don't get to make a choice. I actually posed that same question in one of my debate-like classes except for I posed it as "Is it lying by omission". I got some interesting comments. I believe it is because you are not saying who you really are and especially since it is a pretty big part of you.
Yeah so I finally accepted I'm trans, but I think I've kinda lied to myself my whole life about that I wernt trans and thought it was some kind of strange disorder that I could alter with a quick fix pill or something. Yeah I know that sounds stupid but I was only young. And I feel like I'm lying to myself right now. Telling myself/family and friends am straight. When I acctually don't think I am, I know I like women but I'm just so unsure about men. But I think that unsure comes from denial and in fact I know I like men and I'm bisexual. I just can't accept it, cause I dont want to like men.
I don't think you can ever lie to yourself. I mean, I didn't 'realize' I was bi until I was around 23/24 when I fell for a guy for the first time. But, still before that I've always seen that I've had crushes on guys and girls yet didn't really act as though those didn't exist. I just called myself a 'weird straight guy.' If there was a lie, it was the notion that all guys like guys to some degree.
I spent about five minutes meditating on this. I don't think I lied to myself. Sure, there were times where I was scared, and ashamed of what I found out about myself. But I was always open to whatever I might find. What I was doing was discovering.
Because of my lack of experience actually being with anyone (girls or guys), sometimes I have moments where I feel like I'm mentally reminding/convincing myself that I am a lesbian. I don't believe that I need to have had experiences with either to know, but at the same time there is something...confirming or assuring about having a relationship with either one. Especially since I sometimes day dream about cute relationships with boys. Not necessarily myself with them, but just hetero-couples in general...sometimes I create cute romantic stories about an awkward girl and an awkward guy meeting and falling to each other with a adorable indie romance song in the background. When I have these thoughts, I sometimes question "did I come out too soon, maybe I should have waited." I feel like now that I've come out there's this pressure to stick to being a lesbian, even though sometimes I think when I do start dating, I want to date a variety of people first. I've never dated anyone and sometimes feel like already I've cut myself off from certain people that could turn out to be good for me, they just don't fit under my label. Pretty picky for a dating scene noob. Anyway, I don't even know what that could mean. So then I reassure myself "yes, you are a lesbian, none of these thoughts mean anything, you're just a writer who likes to day dream," then that's when I start to think "okay am I overly trying to convince myself, am I forcing this? Is this a one doth...reassure too much, sort of deal?" Then again I always counter that with, "why would have put myself through the awful experience of coming out if you weren't sure, why would I lie to myself?" I am an over thinker. :lol: I question myself about all of my thoughts and feelings; it's a problem. Every time I think "I could date an intersex person, I could date an ftm/mtf" I give myself ? face and nearly break my brain trying to figure myself out. I think the problem is me trying to know all the answers to every confusing thought I have right at the very moment I think it. Sometimes it takes years to truly discover things about oneself. With more life experience, in the future, some things will be less confusing than they are now...unless I end up falling for a boy--cis or trans or inter--(which is a scenario I do run through my head sometimes), then things will maybe be confusing for a little longer. :lol:
I lied to myself for a long time. I thought it was just a phase, or its all in my head. I wanted to hard to believe I wasn't bi. Then I thought maybe, just maybe I thought I was bi because most of the people I went to school with were open about their sexuality and had no problem in high school declaring that they were gay/lesbian/bi. ( I went to a performing arts high school where people were just more honest and open and accepting) I think to a certain extent, I am still lying to myself. I hope this is just a normal part of the process to better understand what is going on and how I can learn to accept everything. I think maybe it's the mind's way of only letting in what you can cope with at the time. Then as you get comfortable with what you do know about yourself, you learn to accept a little bit more. Eventually, you are being truthful to yourself and then at somepoint, it is time to be truthful to others.
In the past I did. I used to tell myself that I was bisexual and would just fall in love with a woman - obviously not the case. I also used to think if I thought about girls all the time and nothing else, I'd become straight...didn't happen! I wish I found this place all those years ago!
I've lied to myself. I would constantly make up crushes. I'd literally look at a couple of guys that I thought may work and weighed pros and cons... Then I'd pick the one that I thought would work best and decided to like him yeah. Doesn't exactly work that way :/ At one point in 8th grade I thought I might be bisexual. (I didn want to even consider that I might be a full on lesbian!) There was a bisexual girl at school who had a crush on me and it freaked me out. Because I actually liked her too. So I went on a couple lgbt websites to ask some questions and such. I guess I just got way more freaked out and so for the last 2 years or so I've been "straight". Ha. Every day I'd think about a girl or something and end up telling myself "no. I'm straight. Of course I'm straight." But I don't think a straight person has to constantly tell themselves that they're heterosexual. Even now I sometimes think, "well maybe I'm bisexual...? Then maybe I wouldn't have to come out necissarily...?" But nope. I'm in the process of accepting all this
I think suppressing/repressing feelings would be more accurate than lying. For me it has all been in a semi conscious level. Like I noticed girls more often than guys and things like that. But, I was like "just because of that that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian". After I realized a major celebrity crush (big time epiphany), then everything sank/made sense: I'm gayer than a handbag full of rainbows. Also because I do feel attraction towards guy (it does happen ALL THE TIME, but it's not uncommon for me).
